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In the contemporary days, for the sake of cutting-edge advances and breakthroughs in science and technology, humans have ceased using products from animals, such as food, clothing items, or even medicine, and choose some alternative animal products. From my perspective, I strongly concur with this point of view owing to the two primary domains.

On the one hand, basing on numerous recent studies, it is supposed that a plant-based diet not only provides sufficient nutrients for our body to function normally but also helps us prevent various potential health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart attacks. Conversely, excessive consumption of meat is merely an origin of deadly disease as well as epidemics. Taking my mother as a typical example, she has become a vegetarian for 30 years and she still maintains both a healthy mind and physique at the tender age of 50. Regarding clothing, I thoroughly reckon that it is not compulsory to worthlessly sacrifice an animal’s life simply for a jacket or a dress. Over the past few years, artificial fur and high-quality synthesized fabric are being used to replace animals’ fur or other body parts.

On the other hand, animal testing for developing new drugs and treatments has played an integral role in medical research. In recent years, however, with diverse revolutions of technology, we can replace animal experimentation with sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results. For instance, computer-based testing software has been used to examine the safety of new treatments effectively. Therefore, it has no need to use animals for new medicine testing.

In conclusion, from the reasons have been discussed above, I completely have a strong belief that output produced from animals such as food, clothing or medicine are not the necessities due to the fact that they can be altered by vegetarian food, artificial clothing materials or computer simulations.

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You make the number one mistake of essay writers. For that reason, you will lose lots of points.

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In the contemporary days, (unnatural phrase) for the sake of cutting-edge advances and breakthroughs in science and technology, (That does not make any sense. You have used "for the sake of" incorrectly. e.g. For the sake of his mother's health, George quit the job he loved to stay at home and take care of her. For the sake of the children, the couple decided not to get divorced, and both were miserable. ) humans (Wrong usage. We only use "human" in set phrases, and when comparing our species to other animals or machines. ) have ceased using products from animals, such as food, clothing items, or even medicine, and choose some alternative animal products. (That makes no sense. ) From my perspective, I strongly concur with this point of view owing to the two primary domains. (That phrase is not appropriate.)

On the one hand, basing (wrong form) on numerous recent studies, it is supposed (Wrong usage. - It is not guessing. ) that a plant-based diet not only provides sufficient nutrients for our body to function normally but also helps us prevent various potential health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart attacks. Conversely, excessive consumption of meat is merely an origin of deadly (That is not a good way to write it.) disease as well as epidemics. (wrong word. An epidemic is caused by a contagious and infectious bacteria or virus, not the diet.) Taking my mother as a typical example, she has been become (wrong word) a vegetarian for 30 years and she still maintains both a healthy mind and physique at the tender age of 50. Regarding clothing, I thoroughly reckon (That is an informal word. Not good for academic essays) that it is not compulsory (wrong word) moral / right to worthlessly sacrifice an animal’s life simply for a jacket or a dress. Over the past few years, artificial fur and high-quality synthesized fabric are being used to replace animals’ fur or skins. other body parts.

On the other hand, animal testing for developing new drugs and treatments has played an integral role in medical research. In recent years, however, with diverse revolutions (Not a good phrase.) of technology, we can replace animal experimentation with sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results. For instance, computer-based testing software has been used to examine the safety of new treatments effectively. Therefore, it has there is no need to use animals for new medicine testing.

In conclusion, from the reasons have been discussed above, (Do not mention your writing in the conclusion. Restate your thesis and summarize the main points.) I completely have a strong belief that all animal products / all products derived from animals output produced from animals such as food, clothing or medicine are not the necessities (wrong usage) due to the fact that they can be altered by (wrong usage) vegetarian food, artificial clothing materials or computer simulations.

Comments  

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Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: In the modern world, people feel no longer necessary to use food from animals or product from animals such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree? (Put all the instructions here.)

The instructions you wrote are not good English and they are incomplete. In evaluating an essay, the exact instructions are vital.
Are these your instructions?

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.