In the era of globalization, whether having the motivation to win and break world records or dreaming for prize currency and being celebrities to become champions in sports competitions has been a hotly-debatable issue in many parts of the world. While many people believe that win-awards to the results has no negative impacts on champions, I maintain that it can contribute to some downsides to people in several ways. The following paragraphs shall outline the main supporting points for my perspective.
In terms of the messages of this issue are sent to young people, firstly, it illustrates the negative trend in the attitude of many young people by pointing out the misleading of the main goal whenever taking part in any competition. In the past, people thought that only becoming a winner and breaking world records could worth the effort, if not, they were willing to pay a greater deal of effort until achieving this aim. Nevertheless, the youngster in contemporary society, they always express a desire to get more prize money and broaden their images through sports competitions. They seem there is no need to outperform their rivals because money and reputation are the only two things they dream of.
Turning to the consequences which can stem from this misleading to young people, it is noticeable that it can lead to the decline in the effort, as well as furthering their career paths related to sports. For example, if competitors can achieve the expected amount of money, they will give up this competition and feel satisfied with this award. In addition, people have no motivation to enhance the level of knowledge and expertise in sports skills and cannot become the best version of themselves. They can avoid falling behind each other unless they are industrious and never fed up with obstacles.
To sum up, the lack of knowledge about the true purpose of rivalry can result in consecutive failures throughout one’s life. I suggest that the government should place more importance on people’s attitudes than on the award-winning.

Như NgọcIn the era of globalization,

This has nothing to do with the essay topic.

Như Ngọchas been a hotly-debatable issue in many parts of the world.

Many beginning essay writers write such things as "hotly debated" "controversy" "public attention" and so on.

This is very bad form for four reasons.

First, it reads like a "memorized" answer that examiners frown upon, second it is not true, third, it does not address the question and fourth, it is not a problem or an issue that we have to deal with.

If you have personal experience or knowledge about global controversies or debates, then it is OK to write this. Otherwise, avoid such false statements.

Như NgọcThe following paragraphs shall outline the main supporting points

That is poor form..

The definition of a formal essay is to write paragraphs with supporting points. The reader knows this. It is a bad idea to write this. It does not address the topic question at all. Do not waste words saying "This essay will tell you..." or I will write about champions..."

Never mention your essay or your writing in a formal essay. Do not "announce" what you are going to write about.

In the first paragraph, introduce the topic directly and write a thesis statement.
The thesis statement is the most important sentence in the essay. It tells the reader what your main point is, and introduces the arguments set out in the body paragraphs.

Như Ngọcwin-awards to the results has no negative impacts on champions,

That is not the topic. Focus your writing on the topic.


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Topic: In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young... The topic is not complete. The "Subject" line is not large enough. That is why we ask you to put it in the message body with your essay.

My essay:

(Your text here...)

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