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It is argued that social network on the Internet has done wonders for creating a bond among people. Regardless of its immense benefits, online social networking sites still exerts some adverse effects on its users in terms of communication. From my perspective, since the Internet has emerged to be prevalent among people, it will tackle any communication-related problems in the past. It might as well, nevertheless, leave certain severe ramifications on people. Therefore, I partly agree with the given statement.

To illustrate, it is true that people are likely to establish more relationships thanks to the Internet. Let us take my Chinese learning journey as an example, I used to engage in a group on Facebook of a multitude of people having the same desire with me. After joining, not only could I make big signs of progress in Chinese but also I made a large number of friends by video calling in order to practice. Hence, chances are that people may know and meet those who they have yet to. Furthermore, for those who love a long way from others, instead of having face-to-face conversations, they just need to talk through the computer screen.

However, chatting on the Internet occasionally does harm to users in some cases. Some people with an intention to take advantage of the Internet to make people fall for illegal actions. In recent years, the number of people who lost their property due to investment in businesses after being talked into has ever increased. Besides, children may not be attuned to certain stranger's erratic behavior to them which leads them to be at stake, such as serious traps, kidnapping. It is deemed to be due to anonymity of people on the Internet.

In conclusion, taking all of the mentioned ideas into account, I believe that everyone should take rational approaches to use the Internet so as to prevent anything unpredictable and jeopardized from happening so that we all can derive benefits from using the Internet.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Comments  

It is argued that social networks on the Internet has have done wonders for creating a bond among people. Regardless of its their immense benefits, online social networking sites still exerts have some adverse effects on its users in terms of communication. From my perspective, since the Internet has emerged to be prevalent an important communication platform for among people all over the world, it will tackle any communication-related problems in the past. It might as well, nevertheless, leave certain severe ramifications on people.(1) Therefore, I partly agree with the given statement.

To illustrate, On the one hand, it is true that people are likely to establish more relationships thanks to online social networking. the Internet. Let us take my Chinese learning journey as an example. I used to engage in joined a group on Facebook whose members had of a multitude of people having the same desire with as me learning Chinese. Not long after joining, not only could did I make big signs of significant progress in the basics of Chinese, but also I made a large number of friends by video calling in order to practice with them. Hence, chances are that people may know and meet those who they have yet to.(1) Furthermore, for those who love a long way prefer keeping their distance from others, instead of having face-to-face conversations, they can just need to talk through the computer screen.

However, chatting on the Internet sites such as Facebook and Twitter occasionally does can cause harm to users in some cases. Some people with an intention to take advantage of use the Internet to make people fall for illegal scams. actions. In recent years, the number of people who lost their property due to investment in businesses after being talked into has ever increased. Besides, children may not be attuned to certain stranger's erratic behavior to them which leads them to be at stake, such as serious traps, kidnapping. It is deemed to be due to anonymity of people on the Internet. (2)

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1- I don’t understand those parts. Rewrite them in clear and simple language. Focus on the ideas.

2- The ideas here are good, but they are not well expressed. Again, write using clear and simple language. Use several sentences to clearly explain your ideas and don’t be afraid of giving examples. Post your revised essay below, if you like.

By the way, it is free to join and use our forum. If you do decide to register and post your revised essay under a new username, PM me and I’ll help you with it.

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.