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Please help me to rephrase my sentences.

Hi Sir,

I would like to ask your permission for Jingle( your data encoder) to come over here in our area,on Monday anytime to discuss more further the details of our project.

Thank you so much.
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.

Dear Mr [surname],

I would like to ask your permission for Jingle (your data encoder) to come over here to our area any time on Monday to discuss further the details of our project.

Thank you very much.
Comments  
Thank you very much Mister Micawber.