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To assess whether we live under a democracy, there is an essential condition that serves as a criteria to our judgment and that we must consider: transparency. Without it, the majority do not effectively take part in the crucial process of decision-making. Indeed, in order to be effectively a democracy, the system must insure the ability to take an enlightened decision to each and every one in their best interest within a political system that is just so that a plurality of parties can co-exist and without the interference of corporate interests. I argue that we don't live under a democratic system. In a democratic system, political influence does not amount to corporate power; yet, it does in our system: take our media for instance, as a result of lobby and market incentives, many news are censored and it seeks to attract more audiences rather than inform or educate the public; there needs to be a division between the market and the media. Also, our ability to vote candidates in and out of the White House translates into little power; in fact, between the two major US parties, there is only a slight nuance in policy. Moreover, the Congress has literally no influence over the Pentagon, which is setting military bases all over the world not for the sole fun of it. There is no democracy in America, if not, little.
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wholegrainTo assess whether we live under a democracy, there is an essential condition that serves as a criteria criterion (singular) to for our judgment and that we must consider: transparency. Without it, the majority do not effectively take part in the crucial process of decision-making. Indeed, in order to be effectively be a democracy, the system must insure the ability to Whoa! ***** take an enlightened decision to each and every one in their best interest within a political system that is just so that a plurality of parties can co-exist and without the interference of corporate interests. I argue that we don't live under a democratic system. In a democratic system, political influence does not amount equate to corporate power; yet, it does in our system: take system. Take our media , for instance, as instance. As a result of lobby[ing] and market incentives, many news items are censored , and it (antecedent is not clear! I assume it's "media," ??? which is a plural noun, requiring "they," not "it." It's too far away. You need something besides a pronoun.) seeks to attract more a wider audiences audience rather than to inform or educate the public; there public. There needs to be a division between the market and the media. Also, our ability to vote candidates in and out of the White House translates into little power; in fact, between the two major US parties, there is only a slight nuance in policy difference . Moreover, the Congress has literally no influence over the Pentagon, which is setting installing military bases all over the world , not for the sole not solely for the fun of it. There is little or no democracy in America . , if not, little.
take an enlightened decision to each and every one in their best interest within a political system that is just so that a plurality of parties can co-exist and without the interference of corporate interests.

Is this bloody sentence ever gonna bleepin' end?!? The first thirty-one words were excellent - clear and meaningful. But then you totally lost your compass and added another thirty-five (in red) which, as a group, make absolutely no sense at all IMHO.

Okay, it helped somewhat when I figured out that by "just" you mean "fair and equitable," not "only." Would you please take another shot at the red section and see if you can clear it up and smooth it out? Do you ever try reading these breathless sentences out loud??

The "in order to be effectively a democracy" change may be unnecessary. People say things like, "in order to be essentially a democracy." I'm not sure what the official word is on it.

There's a lot of good writing here. Keep working!

Best wishes, - A.
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Wow, there's a lot of mistakes, a lot more than I thought there was.

Thank you for your help. It is really helpful.
take an enlightened decision to each and every one in their best interest within a political system that is just so that a plurality of parties can co-exist and without the interference of corporate interests.

=

alow them to take an elightened decision in a fair system without the interference of corporate interests (metonymy).
Hi,
Be aware that "take a decision" is BrE and "make a decision" is AmE.

I think your new version is terriffic. - and a very quick response!

- A.

P.S., Note that a lot of my so-called corrections were merely breaking one sentence into two. I'd suggest that reading your stuff aloud may give you some new insight into phrasing.
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