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It’s said that providing university educational services on large scale for young students bring about no practical values in society, and also, it’s rather unfeasible to carry out this policy. Personally I disagree with these ideas and will outline my reasons in the essay below.


Firstly, having a university degree no longer has a vital role to the future of young people even in this knowledge-based society. For example, in many countries, especially in German, vocational training has gained more popularity because it enhances employment opportunities as well as job security after graduating. Besides, if so many people are admitted to universities, it would lead to the imbalances in workforce as without graduates want to opt for labour work such as working in the factories.


Secondly, I think that it is impossible to provide almost all young people with access to tertiary education. The more people entrance to higher universities, the greater the pressure on educational investment cost for facilities on the governments, not to mention short-staffed issue in most departments. Those result in the fact that teaching quality can go down because students have to accept the lack of their own researching space and the cram for quality in a lecture. Moreover, the entrance mark of most of the universities must be lower in order to respond to the educational level of the good number of students as the standard of learning at higher education would be unstable.


In conclusion, I strongly oppose the idea of dispensing university education to a high proportion of young people owing to the arguments presented above.

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It’s (Do not use contractions in a formal essay.) said that providing university educational services (That is off-topic. It is about admitting all students who apply.) on large scale for people young students (If someone is not enrolled in school, they are not students.) bring about no practical values in society, and also, it’s rather unfeasible to carry out this policy. Personally I disagree with these ideas. and will outline my reasons in the essay below. (Never mention your essay or your writing. The reader knows that this is an essay and you are about to argue your position. Saying this is somewhat of an insult.
You can write a better thesis statement. For example:

I disagree with these ideas because there are many other avenues for personal happiness and financial success other than getting a university degree.

)


Firstly, First, having a university degree no longer has a vital role in to the future of young people even in this knowledge-based society. For example, in many countries, especially in German, (German is a language. It is also one person - I worked for a German - or an adjective, e.g. German food, German opera, German polka band, and German history.) vocational training has gained more popularity because it enhances one's employment opportunities as well as job security after graduating. Besides, if so many people are were admitted to universities, it would lead to an imbalance the imbalances in the workforce as without graduates (wrong expression) want to opt for labour work such as working in the factories.


Secondly, Second, I think that it is impossible to provide almost all young people with access to tertiary education. (wrong expression) The more people entrance (wrong word) to higher (wrong word) universities, the greater the pressure on educational investment cost (awkward, unnatural ) for facilities on the governments, not to mention short-staffed (wrong expression) issue in most departments. Those It results in the degradation in the quality of fact that teaching quality can go down because students have to accept the lack of their own researching space and the cram for quality (unnatural, awkward) in a lecture. Moreover, the entrance mark (wrong expression) of most of the universities must be lower in order to respond to the educational level of the good number of students as the standard of learning at higher education would be unstable.(unnatural, awkward)

In conclusion, because it is impractical and has few merits, I strongly oppose the idea of dispensing (wrong word) opening up university education to a high proportion of young people owing to the arguments presented above. (Do not mention your writing. The reader just read it!)

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.