Hello friends!
This is my essay about corruption, it will be published in the school magazine, please tell me if there is any mistake, suggestion...in order to enhance the essay.

Corruption is a worldwide phenomenon which is fundamentally due to the lack of ethical behaviors. I think firmly that this problem is the most important factor that makes our country among the third world countries, given that most developed countries managed to eradicate corruption relatively.

So, how can we root out such a serious problem that is still threatening our economy and society?

First of all, I believe that making a reform starts by changing thoughts rather than behaviors, in other words: people in general and workers in particular should be sensitized about the seriousness of corruption, furthermore, I suggest including a subject of "good manners" or "ethical behaviors" in educational systems in order to prepare a honest workers for the future of our country, I should like to repeat again that making a reform start by changing thoughts rather than behaviors, this is the first step to do.

Secondly, there're various circumstances that provoke corruption, take for example the lack of anti-corruption associations which are the most important element that can participate in fighting corruption. So, such associations should be encouraged by the government in order to disclose the activities of criminal organizations and corrupt workers.

Thirdly, there're several forms of corruption, the most spread one is bribery, and one could argue that bribery can be sometimes a necessity rather than a form of corruption, let me give you an example: in order to have my passport, I'll be obliged to bribe the functionary in order to obtain quickly my passport, because it takes several weeks even months to make a passport, this is what do we call bureaucracy which is the worst aspect of the administration. I'm sorry, I don't mean that we're allowed to bribe workers because we're obliged to do that, but I affirm that some practical resolutions must be taken in order to eradicate this problem that is causing bribery.

In short, fighting bribery is not only the duty of government, nor is it only the duty of anti-corruption associations; it's also the duty of every honest citizen who wants to participate in building his country.
you should change I think firmly to "I firmly believe"
"is the most important factor that makes our country rank among the third world countries.... in terms of....(morals?) "
"countries managed to relatively eradicate corruption"

"I should like to repeat again that making a reform start by changing thoughts rather than behaviors, this is the first step to do." <---- that line is unnecessary
NSHASHBAI'm sorry, I don't mean that
The words I'm sorry seems conversational, and doesn't belong in an essay, a blog post would be a place where you could put something like that.

and lastly, the word
NSHASHBA there're
it isn't wrong, but nobody actually uses it, so it seems like it is. I would use there are, or there's

other than that your essay is very well written and your english is great :]
Hello Han Geng!
I'm grateful to you for taking initiative, you were the first who was able to correct my essay.
Given that one of the members said to me that my "profession" (fighting corruption) is "older than the oldest", however I know that it is an essay that allows me to practice my english.
NSHASHBAI'm sorry, I don't mean that
The words I'm sorry seems conversational, and doesn't belong in an essay, a blog post would be a place where you could put something like that.
I like to say that the expression "i'm sorry" is taken from the book of"Natural mind , Waking up" I found" sorry" repeated many times in the same way that I'm using it.
What do think mister Hello Han Geng?
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Let me give you an example from the book of Alan Orr"Waking Up"
He says"But still the western scientists won’t give in; they believe their way is the only way. I’m sorry to say that it isn’t?"
The expression is written in the book, however it seems conversational as yous said.