A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ***?"

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The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet.
"You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied Little Johnny.

He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late."

Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again.

"No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in
the middle, and walked out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nice one! Emotion: big smile Keep Going!
I absolutely love little johnny jokes. They are soooooo funny. I have enjoyed them since I was little.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the kid.
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do and all the kids are restless. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Joya said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Joya. You can go". Johnny was MAD. The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go".

Johnny was even MADDER than before. The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Marol said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Marol. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these women would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," she replied as she began to remove the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter," asked little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Little Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."
Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Miss Jones is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Dollly, had brought a gift up to her desk.

"Guess what it is!" said Dolly.
Knowing that Dolly`s father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?"
"How did you know?" asked Dolly

Next, Robert brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Robert.
Knowing that his parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?"
"How did you know ?" asked Robert

Finally, Johnny brought up a gift for Miss Smith.
"Guess what it is!" said Johnny.
Knowing that Johnny`s father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them.

"Rum?" guessed Miss Smith.
"No" said Johnny.

She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed.
"No" said Johnny.

Once again she wet her fingers and tasted, "I know," said Miss Smith, "It`s wine."
"No!" said Johnny..."it`s a puppy."
rahul mcsd, you keep posting these and it will definitly keep a smile on my face. They really crack me up. The little Johnny charactor is such a stinker of a child. I'm sure there are alot of adults that can relate to his way of thinking. Well maybe.... LOL
Keep up the good work and I will check back.
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