+ I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
+ England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
+ Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
+ This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
+ I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
+ A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
+ When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
+ I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
+ A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
+ A will is a dead giveaway.
+ With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
+ Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
+ Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
+ A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
+ The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
+ He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
+ When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
+ Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
+ I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
+ Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
+ When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
+ When chemists die, they barium.
+ I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
+ I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Lol...these are great!