Hi,my name is jamiu, i am from nigeria . Please help me review my motivation letter.prompt review will be highly appreciated.thanks

LETTER OF MOTIVATION (MUSTAPHA JAMIU DAMILOLA)

I am applying to your master program of Computational Mechanics. My career ambition is to become astute technocrat in the field of engineering to contribute immensely to the technical development of my country; Nigeria.

At a young age, I was obsessed with automobiles. I never missed a series of the F-1 motorbike racing competition on the cable channel in my country. My love for motorbike racing did lead to several racing competitions with my friends on bicycles which was all we could access as kids. I was most fascinated trying to understand the principle behind how these motorbikes work, attaining high speeds within a level of safety. Unlike my bicycle, motorbikes were complex and they required knowledge of dynamics. At this point, I realized the means to solving my curiosity of the principle of operation was to study engineering.
In my college days, I loved and excelled in mathematics and physics as my majors. With continuous effort and hard work, I studied mechanical engineering at University of Ilorin, one of the top ranking universities in Nigeria where i graduated with a GPA of 3.00 on a 5.0 scale. During this years, i was exposed to some courses in engineering mathematics, computer science, mechanics of Machines, Fluid mechanics and material science which are needed to excel in the graduate program.

During my undergraduate studies, I was selected by one of my professors as a research assistant in a research work which investigated the mechanical properties (yield strength ,ductility and ultimate tensile strength) of 12-mm diameter steel bars commonly used in reinforcing floor slabs using an extensometer. The study confirmed that the wide usage of substandard steel reinforcement bars in the Nigeria market is a major contributing factor to increasing incidences of structural building failures in the country when viewed from the angle of variability in material quality. This was a great opportunity for me to apply theoretical knowledge from “Mechanics of Material" course in research, which is also an excellent preparation for your program and also a milestone in my career. I was impressed that despite the advances in technology , there remains much to learn about the course, which is why i have decided to further my studies in Computational Mechanics.

Nigeria is a country with an alarming increase rate of road accidents, building collapse and plane crash, all these setbacks are traced to engineering and technology lapses. These challenges are part of the factors that motivate me to further my studies in Computational Mechanics to gain expert knowledge in the application of finite element techniques in solving engineering problems.

I want to study Computational Mechanics at Technical University of Munich because of the interdisciplinary curriculum of the course and your state-of-the art research facilities available to provide students with the opportunity to learn by practice. With many experienced researchers and lecturers, i know i will gain expert knowledge required to perform state-of-the-art simulations at the forefront of discovery. I am also inspired by the opportunities available to qualified students to become members of BGCE (Bavarian Graduate School of Computational Engineering) which will broaden my knowledge by exploring the synergies between the different programs. The extensive project work, academic tutorials and seminars on soft skills being offered by the BGCE will provide me with the knowledge and honed my skills to achieve my career goal.

Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In my final year project during my studies, i was the team leader of a group that designed and constructed a prototype small hydro-power generator produced locally and installed at the weir of the university dam. I was responsible for choosing the appropriate materials to be selected for the project as well as distributing project tasks among team members and coordinating the activities of my team while also governing interpersonal relationships.

During my industrial training at LUBCON International Company in Nigeria, a lubricating oil production company, I was opportuned to work with maintenance and fabrication unit team where i learnt how to repair pumps, as well as their working principles. I was also exposed to the fabrication process of parts used in the production process, like fabrication of conveyor, coupling and tank base support e.t.c. After my training, I fabricated a charcoal stove using an arc welding machine. This industrial experience honed my skills as an engineer and most especially in problem solving.

With my focused attitude, relevant experience, will for success and social activeness, I believe I have the ability and motivation to meet the demands of studying at the graduate level. It is my intention to get a well rounded and advance technical exposure through research opportunities at TUM. I hope to develop myself in the academic field as well as my interpersonal relationship and communication skills with students from different Nationalities, race and culture. Hence, the knowledge and research experience I would gain at the graduate school would grant me the opportunity for achieving my professional goal and make me level up in the engineering industry.
I would be glad if given an opportunity to study Computational Mechanics at TUM as this would pivot my career scope to fit in productive and research based avenues.
Hi i would like to help you out of your improvisation i think u should try
Please help me with the review