Ok, this is just a short essay that I had to do for English, a couple things are kind of inside jokes so if you don't get it, trust me it's ok. If you could correct it to the best of your ability that would be great!

Survivor Has Nothing on This

Just when you thought the animals were safe... we stick Mrs. Sackett on a deserted island. No, the essay prompt said nothing about this, but through innovative thinking only one conclusion can be drawn - she must be placed on a deserted island. One would also conclude to save mankind gifts of peace should be in order. Well... you’re right! I would ship over a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Scholl's Gel Insoles. So let us began with our rational, though slightly biased reasoning.
If you have ever looked at the cover of Vogue you have seen various stars modeling the latest fashions. For example, Natalie Portman modeling on a deserted island. Well, we have the scenic view, why not throw in a dress? The gift of such an expensive dress could subside the anger until a later date when all inhabitants of mankind are at least 10,000 miles away. Also, it is not just any expensive dress! Vera Wang has designed dresses for Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman, Mariah Carey, and many more high-profile clients, Mrs. Sackett would be no exception. When that is not enough, only another gift will suffice.
For safety reasons another gift should be shipped as soon as the first wears out. The tape recorder would have to be the next sent. It is not as much to her benefit but to others’ entertainment. Though it stands to make her a substantial amount of money, realization might not hit as she mutters random threats into it. Scientists will pay momentous amounts of money to get their hands on her tapes, it will be the first time such an isolation has been documented. Magazines around the globe will be offering up large sums of money just for the transcripts. After a while she will find the tape recorder unamusing, and useless and will be about to toss it when another gift is sent.
This gift will be sent overnight by UPS, because the FedEx guys are much to important to spare. As she savagely rips away the wrapping her eyes will meet the telltale electric blue which could only belong to Dr. Scholl’s Massaging Gel Insoles. This gift she will want to chuck immediately but after trying them will decide they are much too comfy. In effect the tape recorder will be saved and various remakes of the Dr. Scholl’s Massaging Gel Insoles commercials will be documented. After three more long days on the island with only the company of Jack - a friendly native coconut, Mrs. Sackett will have extended her vocabulary to 30 words that rhyme with gellin’.
George Washington will look like a fad, and Lincoln like a phony. Books such as To Kill a Mocking Bird and Lord of the Flies will be books of the past, schools will require their students to read autobiographies of Mrs. Sackett. Her desk, and year old gum will be auctioned off on Ebay and their profits will go to MAET - Mothers Against Eyeliner and Thongs. Let me remind you what made this powerful, and moving piece of history; a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Scholl’s Massaging Gel Insoles. So remember kids, stay in school, dropping your teacher on a deserted island is always an option.
you must be a highschool student. I really can't help you too much because I don't know how much weight this essay carries for your GPA. I'm guessing your goal is to write a humor piece about marooning your teacher on a deserted island, I could be wrong but it is hard to say as this entire essay reads like one big inside joke. I think that the best course of action would be to call this a rough draft and start over. Here are some things that you can do to fine tune this piece:

Stop adressing the reader as "you". It is a bad habit and it is hard to break but your essay will take on a much more mature sound.

"..." or elipses are not used unless you are breaking down quotes, get them out of there! Here's an example of how to use elipses

original quote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
quote with elipses, "It was the best of times..." and then all hell broke loose. <---see how the quote now supports your original thought?

As funny as inside jokes are, remember that only insiders understand them! If your teacher doesn't have a sense of humor or doesn't get your joke, then guess what happens to your grade? It's a bad scenario.

Lastly, you have a load of comma splices(separate sentances joined by commas) and a bundle of sentances that don't make sense period end of subject (the very last sentance is an example).

I do think you're having a lot of fun with this, but if you expect a decent grade you need to take more time with your writing. I hope you have found this helpful ^_^
Hi Brittli,

Your text is written in a very colloquial way. Your piece of writing is quite humorous - as it should be. But please try not to exaggarate things too much. This is seldom what you are expected to do when you write a composition for your English teacher. Remember: you are writing for a general audience, not for a bunch of friends. If I were to grade your text I would give it 25 points out of 60.