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I would be most grateful if you could comment on the following letter of application which will be sent to the headmistress on 2005-09-12 (two days later).
I am writing to apply for my daughter's admission to primary one of your school for the 2006-2007 School Year. My daughter namely LAI xxx-xxx, Well is currently studying in K3 at the PC Kindergarten.
The ABC junior school has always been one of the most reputable schools in Hong Kong for many years. Her graduates will always be role models of their successors and their achievements have spoken for the school itself. I have had an experience to be interviewed by one of her graduates who is a reporter of an English television channel. I was impressed by her fluent English speaking and moderate character. At that moment I curiously asked where did she graduate from and she replied with your school’s name. What the reporter behaved further evidenced the remarkable reputation of your school. Since then I have had an ambition to let my daughter, Well be admitted to ABC school.
Well has been studying from K1 in PC Kindergarten since 2003. She has been close scrutiny by the teachers, my wife and myself. Thus far her performance has been quite good as she readily listens and absorbs advice. She has good common sense and initiative. When she is faced with something that is unfamiliar to her, she is able to act sensibly and is not afraid to use her initiative. She is a friendly and intelligent child who mixes well and is liked by her classmates and teachers. She enjoys her kindergarten life very well.
Well has participated in several extra-curricular activities such as piano; go (encirclement chess); and swimming lessons. She attends the lessons without pressure as all of these activities are not compulsorily arranged for a better candidature of school admission, but only for her own interest to balance a healthy life. As a result, she can achieve an outstanding performance in which she has been recommended by her piano teacher for an inter-school piano competition in early next year. Moreover, she is able to swim in freestyle; backstroke and breaststroke and she has learnt how to perform duck diving. She is a keen swimmer as both of my wife and myself are enthusiasts of swimming and scuba diving.
I have worked in police training school as an instructor for 4 years. Having engaged in youth/police training for several years, I learn apart from academic studying, honesty and integrity are a must for youth development. I therefore emphasize the nurture of her in this aspect. My objective is to let Well to become a confident and responsible member of society. It aligns with the mission of your school.
Though I know admission to primary one of your school being very competitive and demanding, I still determine to apply for a place for Well as Winston Churchill saying “Life is a test and this world a place of trial.
In conclusion, Well is an ambitious, well motivated and hard working girl who is very keen to learn. To develop Well's talent is an absolute responsibility of mine, for which I would be most grateful if you could render assistance to approve Well be admitted to your school, where she will gain opportunities to strive for academic excellence in order to develop to her full potential.
Attached please find the application form and the required documents for your consideration. I am looking forward to your reply. Thank you.
Is it a "through train" school?
What are you trying to achieve though? Get your child an interview?
Which school is it? St. Paul? Ying Wa? Which one? Not that you have to tell me.
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I am not so sure the meaning of the first sentence of your thread.
Could you please explain further?
By the way, there are some strange font/code and etc appeared on my third paragraph. I've tried to edit it by using the edit function but in vain. Could you also advise how?
If I'm not mistaken, kindergarten admission is based on many factors, each of which counting towards the overall "score". Take me for instance, I got 6 points because my sibling studied in the same school.
Thanks for your help.
It's so amazing as you could fix the problem on behalf of me, how?
Same as other threads of this forum on similar topics, parents wish their next generation to be admitted to a good school in order to achieve a good prospect. An impressive letter of application is always believed to be a useful tool / medium to transform the applicant's wish to become true, isn't it?
Anyway, your letter is a tad long. If I receive 600 applications, I probably don't want to spend more than half a minute on your letter. Talk about how your daughter will be a great asset to this primar school, and nothing more.
And how about a portfolio? (samples of your daughter's drawings, etc. )
Thanks for your comment and information in your messages.
I am going to modify the length of my letter, the tone maybe.
I couldn't agree more that the interview is essential of the process, provided there is no any secret agenda or reservation, especially in those renowned school with very limited places. You know what I mean.
Certainly those interview skill courses are poison of the children and just a mean of money making.
People are waiting to help.
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