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I draft the letter for my niece on behalf of my sister-in-law but i don't know this is correct English or not. Please help.

Draft:

Dear Principal,

I am a parent who is seeking an open and lively learning environment for my daughter in order for her to achieve a balanced development in academic, moral, physical and artistic qualities, as well as to nurture the values of love, goodness and truth. After researching secondary schools, I am greatly impressed by your school's educational philosophy, dedicated teaching staff, overall facilities and excellent track record. Therefore, I would like to apply on behalf of my daughter, XXXXX, for admission into Form 1 of your school.

XXXXX has been studying at XXXXX school since 2005. Through her studies she gained a strong academic background as well as developed her moral values and artistic qualities. Moreover, she earned high marks in different subjects including Chinese, English and Putonghua.

In addition to academic achievement, we have provided opportunities for XXXXX to better develop her other abilities and talents. She has participated in various extra-curricular activities including classic and modern dance, arts class, and English drama club. Her talents are well recognized as evidenced by the awards she obtained. She enjoys her activities and frequently wins awards as recognition of her talents. She was the first runner up of the Modern Dance Competition and the Champion of three drama competitions. Many other awards have been won as well.

Furthermore, XXXXX is dedicated to serve others. She has been the monitress and school prefect, librarian and member of XXX club. These activities have helped her build up her confidence, responsibility and interpersonal skills.

We sincerely hope that XXXXX can be admitted to your school, where she will receive appropriate guidance and continue to develop and express her unique individuality.

Enclosed are the application form and the required documents. I look forward to your favourable reply.

Many thanks
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Hi. Your letter is well written. I made a few minor changes for you. Good luck!

Dear Principal,

I am a parent who is seeking an open and lively learning environment for my daughter in order for her to achieve experience a balanced development in academic, moral, physical and artistic qualities, as well as have the values of love, goodness and truth nurtured in her. After researching secondary schools, I am greatly impressed by your school's educational philosophy, dedicated teaching staff, overall facilities and excellent track record. Therefore, I would like to apply on behalf of my daughter, XX, for admission into Form 1 of your school.

XXXXX has been studying at XXXXX school since 2005. Through her studies, she gained a strong academic background while developing her moral values and artistic qualities as well. Moreover, she earned high marks in different subjects including Chinese, English and Putonghua.

In addition to academic achievement, we have provided opportunities for XXXXX to better develop her other abilities and talents. She has participated in various extra-curricular activities including classic and modern dance, arts class, and English drama club. Her talents are well recognized as evidenced by the awards she obtained. She enjoys her activities and frequently wins awards in recognition of her talents. She was the first runner up of the Modern Dance Competition and the Champion of three drama competitions. She has won many other awards as well.

Additionally, XXXXX is dedicated to serving others. She has been the monitress and school prefect, librarian and member of XXX club. These activities have helped her build up develop her confidence, responsibility and interpersonal skills.

We sincerely hope that XXXXX can be admitted to your school, where she will receive appropriate guidance and continue to develop and express her unique individuality.

Enclosed are the application form and the required documents. I look forward to your favourable reply.

Many thanks
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Lowveld Adventist Primary School

Post Office Box 421

Chiredzi

26 January 2019

The Headmaster

Nyazura Mission

Private bag 921

Mutare

Dear sir/madam

RE:APPLICATION FOR FORM ONE PLACE

My name is Micah Chitesa.I am a boy aged 11.I am studying at Lowveld Adventist Primary school.

I am as good as gold in all subjects.My favourate is maths.I am also superb in vollyball.In class during exams i never get less than half.I like quiz too.

I am intrested in your school because of its strong and wonderful education. I also like it because its pass rate is always high.

I will be as proud a peacock to join your school.I am eagerly waiting for your responce.

Yours faithful

Micah