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I have a letter of intent for MPH (masters of public health) program, I would really appreciate if you guys can give me feedbacks and check for grammar mistakes. Thanks

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to express my sincere interest in applying for a Master's Degree in Public Health at your university. My name is _____ and I am currently in my final year at the University of _____ in a four-year Health Sciences Honors Specialization program. My studies in the health sciences program involve learning about interdisciplinary perspective of health and well-being drawn from a variety of academic areas, including epidemiology, health promotion, health management and policy which are important subfields of public health. Among these areas of study, my uttermost interest in health promotion has attracted me into pursuing in the field of public health. Nearing the end of my undergraduate career, I came to a realization that in order to make changes in human health, we must focus on prevention of health-related problems instead of simply treating them. For this reason, I definitely foresee my future career being as a leader in public health field meeting many exciting challenges in protecting the public's health today and in the future.
With Masters of Public Health (MPH) degree, I hope to become a public health planner who takes an active role in building healthy and supportive communities by developing multidisciplinary and collaborative strategies for solving health-related problems. I see myself collaborating with an international global community of health professionals who have the same vision and passion in preventing illness and maintaining health within the population. The MPH program will allow me to develop leadership and research skills I need in order to advocate for change. I strongly believe that I have what it takes to become a public health planner. I have related work experiences that entail active collaboration with different public health divisions and health professionals and implementing health promotion programs in city of London. I have previous experiences collaborating with partners such as hospital administrators, Region of Peel Public Health Officials and health informatics managers in providing innovative projects involving Health informatics. Moreover, my research experience at Canadian Centre for Activity and Aging (CCAC) involved delivering health promotion programs that advocate for healthy and eating and physical activity in order to prevent chronic illnesses like obesity, diabetes, and cancer within the city of London. Also, I contributed a lot of time doing research, creating presentations, writing reports and coordinating events for the facility.
Obtaining MPH program at University of Waterloo will provide me with the best possible work and study conditions that will allow me to achieve the credentials I need to be competitive in the public health workforce. One of the strongest features of UW that separates from other universities is the practicum component in the MPH program which will provide opportunities for me to gain relevant practical experience in health care settings. This will allow me to utilize my academic abilities along with my passion for the field and consequently help me to become an advocate for change. .
Sincerely,
____
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What's your deadline?

If no one helps you, I will assist. But I am extremely busy for a next several days. Perhaps mid to late next week I will become available.

If you're in a rush, here's some quick comments:

>>My name is _ and I am currently in my final year at the University of _ in a four-year Health Sciences Honors Specialization program.

No need to state your name. It's at the bottom of your letter.

>>My studies in the health sciences program involve learning about interdisciplinary perspective of health and well-being drawn from a variety of academic areas, including epidemiology, health promotion, health management and policy which are important subfields of public health.

Rather obvious, no? Perhaps tell me what you found most interesting and challenging AND WHY. Then you will have told me something useful.

>>Also, I contributed a lot of time doing research, creating presentations, writing reports and coordinating events for the facility.

And that means what exactly? Did you learn anything? Did you enjoy it? Did you become a better person? Were you surprised by anything? In other words, tell me about YOU.

Simply telling me that you were busy doesn't tell me much.

Also...

Please ensure that you have spaces between your paragraphs. Otherwise it is too hard to read. My guess is that you pasted your letter into the text box. After you pasted your letter, the spaces were removed. To solve this issue, please do the following:

1) When you begin a new post, type "blah" into an open text box.

2) Then paste your letter.

3) Go back and delete "blah."

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterUniversityAbhinav-Gaur13/xqjzg/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/prrwb/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/xqdwq/post.htm
Comments  
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hi.. Just wondering, did you end up getting an acceptance letter from UW?
Dear Fellows,

I am applying graduate programme ( M.Ed in Education) in one of the prestigious university and my pervious background was elementary teacher having B.Ed. /Education degree. Please suggest me a good letter of intent specimen so I could put my case with authority and conformity.

I think, it is great anyway)

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Ociple

I think, it is great anyway)

You just changed your name and wrote the same thing you wrote a few minutes ago. I deleted it. The original post was made in 2011, and no one is here anymore from the original forum members who participated in it, so no one on this thread is going to see your comment anyway.

Please decide on one name and stick with it.

CJ

I know, that the OP and other commentators are not here, but I think, I can give some useful information to those, who can find this thread later. The number of students, who want to apply for a master's degree to any university or school, is increasing, but the admission requirements still similar. They all have to write a letter of intent grad school anyway, and many of them still posting their letters on different forums, hoping they will be good proofread. But the thing is that they won't. To my mind, students should rather take a professional service for this purpose, so in this case they will have a fruitful result.

tillychanand many of them still posting their letters on different forums, hoping they will be good proofread. But the thing is that they won't.

I do give constructive feedback when I have time. I consider my feedback to be as good as services that cost money. Here is an example:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/CvSelfIntroductionReview/bnkdrm/post.htm

tillychanTo my mind, students should rather take a professional service for this purpose, so in this case they will have a fruitful result.

Do you consider it to be cheating when an applicant pays someone else to write for them? The letter may be elegant, but it hardly reflects the ability of the applicant.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

At this point I agree with tillychan. The services are a really good investment, if one decides to save some efforts and time for the exam preparation, for example. I also do appreciate the assistance you render to some of the applicants and it is great that they suceed thanks to it. But you are the one and only on this forum. The one, who doesn't know, posts his letter of intent grad school whenever, and gets unprofessional feedback or doesn't get anything. That is why I find these services useful, especially when the applicant doesn't have much time.