Dear English Forums team,
I'm Victoria and I'd like to apply in the degree programme of an academy, but I'm not sure if I can send them the following motivation letter. I'd most grateful if you could help me with the letter ... Thanks in advance,
Vicky

PS: There's also a covering letter and a curriculum vitae - but I didn't include any things in my motivation letter, because my dad told me to keep it succinctly. Thanks again.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I – Victoria Lohan – am writing in order to apply to the Degree Programme “Medical and Pharmaceutical Biotechnology”.

I already developed the idea of working as a scientist in my early youth. I was really lucky because my parents kindly supported my curiosity and enabled me to attend various introductory courses at the science and botany institute at the local University. After those early experiences in the world of science I became even more motivated and curious to learn more.

Later I attended a grammar school run by the order of the “Ursulinen” in Salzburg where biology became my favourite subject. Concerning this I owe a lot to our extremely committed Biology teacher who suggested that I should attend supplementary practical classes, which were offered at our school. I enthusiastically made use of this offer and enjoyed those extra-lessons. Later I attended supplementary practical physics lessons, whereas the admission to the school-team for the AYPT (Austrian young Physics' Tournament) was a personal highlight for me. Because of extraordinary achievements at the AYPT in Vienna our team was invited to „Science on stage“ which took place in the Netherlands. With great interest I took part in various workshops and attended lectures there. For me this was another exciting step into the world of science. What I learned there was crucial for my decision, to study biology at the "Leopold Franzens University" in Innsbruck.

In autumn of 2004 I signed in for biology at the University of Innsbruck.

The first term is nearly over now and I became aware that I want to concentrate myself more into the subjects of micro – and molecular biology. Unfortunately this is in Innsbruck without the baccalaureate of biology not possible.

Via the Internet I found your website which immediately attracted my attention and interest. The close connection of science, practice and economic was right away the thing I liked best.
Your specific offer of the combination of medical and pharmaceutical biotechnology seems hence the suitable way for me to reach my goal of working in a laboratory and doing research work. The idea of using the new skills in a practical training is perfect.

For my application decisive was not least the fact that classes are hold in English and that the education contains areas such as Business administration, Quality management and Personality training.

Victoria Lohan
Victoria,

Are you still tuning in? Are you still looking for assistance?

Is English a fluent or native language to you?

Last, Are you comfortable with having your information available on the Internet? If yes, then we can try to assist you. If no, then you should consult a fee-for-service provider. There are two mentioned in the very top post of this section. I am asking this question because some members are uncomfortable with their information after we've done a lot of work. So I want to address this issue up front.

MountainHiker
Dear Mountain Hiker,
I'm still 'tuning in' and I'd be glad if you could give me a hand writing my motivation letter. I've been learing English for 8 years now - but only as a foreign language, I've already taken my Cambridge Certificate, but I'm not sure about the fluent thing...
I've no problem of having my information available on the Internet, otherwise I wouldn't have posted hereEmotion: wink
- Victoria
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply to the “Medical and Pharmaceutical Biotechnology” programme.

Ever since I was a child I envisioned becoming a scientist. My parents supported and furthered my curiosity by enabling me to attend various [you should have specifics rather than “generic” various stuff] introductory in science and botany at the local university (again, you should name the university). [You need a sentence here of what those early courses did for you. What did you learn? How did they motivate you? And then summarize the paragraph with a concluding sentence.]

Later I attended a grammar school run by the [order of the “Ursulinen” …will the reader understand this? I don’t.] in Salzburg where biology became my favourite subject. I am grateful to my extremely committed biology teacher who suggested that I should attend supplementary practical classes, which were offered at our school. I enthusiastically followed his advice and thoroughly enjoyed those extra lessons. Later I attended supplementary practical physics lessons (courses?), whereas the admission to the school-team for the AYPT (Austrian young Physics' Tournament) was a personal highlight for me. Because of extraordinary achievements at the AYPT in Vienna our team was invited to “Science on stage” (something doesn’t quite seem right here in the sentence) which took place in the Netherlands. With great interest I took part in various workshops and attended lectures there. For me this was another exciting step into the world of science. What I learned there was crucial for my decision, to study biology at the “Leopold Franzens University” in Innsbruck.

In autumn of 2004 I began studying biology at the University of Innsbruck. With the first term is nearly over now, I became aware that I want to focus more on the subjects of micro – and molecular biology. [Unfortunately this is in Innsbruck without the baccalaureate of biology not possible. Unfortunately, the University of Innsbruck does not offer this program?]

Having investigated your program, I attracted to the close connection of science, practice and economic was right away the thing I liked best Your program offers the combination of medical and pharmaceutical biotechnology, which perfectly aligns with my aspiration of working in a laboratory and performing research work. I want to have a solid foundation of academic theory coupled with practical experience.

For my application decisive was not least the fact that classes are hold in English and that the education contains areas such as Business administration, Quality management and Personality training.


I’ve made a lot of changes. See if this is in keeping with your intended message. We have to smoothen the rough edges. I just want to write a quick second draft so that we have something to play with.

I look forward to your comments.

MountainHiker
Dear MountainHiker,
thanks for your first help - I know the end is far away, but it's a start and I'm looking forward to go 'deeper' I've read your suggestions carefully and I have to admit that your suggestions were pretty good - and I tried to do what you think is better for my application - here it is, the new version ...

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply to the “Medical and Pharmaceutical Biotechnology” programme.

Ever since I was a child I envisioned becoming a scientist. My parents supported and furthered my curiosity by enabling me to attend chemistry, microbiology, botany and microscopic introductories in science and botany at the university Salzburg. In these introductories the students were shown how to work with scientistic instruments, how to examine different plants and qualify them. Also the tought aus the basics of sicence - how the cell is built, what it is doing and how it works. All in all it was the perfect introduction about scientistic work.

Later I attended a grammar school run by the order of the Ursulinen in Salzburg (MountainHiker- this is a school run by nons, the reader will know this schoo, because it is very famous in Austria - or do you think I shouldn't write it?) where biology became my favourite subject. I am grateful to my extremely committed biology teacher who suggested that I should attend supplementary practical classes, which were offered at our school. I enthusiastically followed his advice and thoroughly enjoyed those extra lessons. Later I attended supplementary practical physics courses, whereas the admission to the school-team for the AYPT (Austrian young Physics' Tournament) was a personal highlight for me. Because of extraordinary achievements at the AYPT (the AYPT is a tournament for young scientists . it's a national tournament and takes place every year in Vienna - what's wrong with this sencente? I read it over and over again, but I think it's okay - I like it) in Vienna our team was invited to “Science on stage” which took place in the Netherlands. With great interest I took part in various workshops and attended lectures there. For me this was another exciting step into the world of science. What I learned there was crucial for my decision, to study biology at the “Leopold Franzens University” in Innsbruck.

In autumn of 2004 I began studying biology at the University of Innsbruck. With the first term is nearly over now, I became aware that I want to focus more on the subjects of micro – and molecular biology. Unfortunately this is in Innsbruck without the baccalaureate (it's 'our' basic course) of biology not possible.

Having investigated your program, I attracted (huh? Now I'm the one who's lost ...) to the close connection of science, practice and economic. This combination was right away the thing I liked best, because these are concentrations I am looking for in my education. Your program offers the combination of medical and pharmaceutical biotechnology, which perfectly aligns with my aspiration of working in a laboratory and performing research work. I want to have a solid foundation of academic theory coupled with practical experience.

For my application decisive was not least the fact that classes are hold in English and that the education contains areas such as Business administration, Quality management and Personality training. [English and the following things are courses which are very important for me - the academy offers these things and I wanted to express that exspecially these things were finally the things why I am applying - I think that was no English - I'm sorry, but I hope you can understand my point of viem .... ]

- Victoria
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply to the “Medical and Pharmaceutical Biotechnology” programme.

Ever since I was a child I envisioned becoming a scientist. My parents supported and furthered my curiosity by enabling me to attend chemistry, microbiology, botany and microscopic introductory courses in science and botany at the university Salzburg. During the courses the students were shown how to work with scientific instruments, to examine different plants, and to qualify them. We also learned the basics of biological science—how the cell is constructed and how the cell. These courses were an excellent introduction to learning more about scientific work.

Later I attended a grammar school run by the order of the Ursulinen in Salzburg (If you are sure that the reader knows it, then you are fine) where biology became my favourite subject. I am grateful to my extremely committed biology teacher who suggested that I should attend supplementary practical classes offered at our school. I enthusiastically followed his advice and thoroughly enjoyed the classes. Later I attended supplementary practical physics courses[, whereas the admission to the school-team for the AYPT (Austrian young Physics Tournament) was a personal highlight for me…seems awkward] Because of extraordinary achievements at the AYPT in Vienna our team was invited to “Science on Stage” which took place in the Netherlands. With great interest I took part in various workshops and attended lectures. For me this was another exciting step into the world of science. Here I learned that I wanted to study biology at the “Leopold Franzens University” in Innsbruck.

In autumn of 2004 I began studying biology at the University of Innsbruck. With the first term is nearly over now, I became aware that I want to focus more on the subjects of micro – and molecular biology. [Unfortunately this is in Innsbruck without the baccalaureate (it's 'our' basic course) of biology not possible. It seems awkward]

Having investigated your program, I attracted (huh? Now I'm the one who's lost ..ME too, try rewriting the sentence...) to the close connection of science, practice and economic. This combination was right away the thing I liked best, because these are concentrations I am looking for in my education. Your program offers the combination of medical and pharmaceutical biotechnology, which perfectly aligns with my aspiration of working in a laboratory and performing research work. I want to have a solid foundation of academic theory coupled with practical experience.

For my application decisive was not least the fact that classes are hold in English and that the education contains areas such as Business administration, Quality management and Personality training. [English and the following things are courses which are very important for me - the academy offers these things and I wanted to express that exspecially these things were finally the things why I am applying - I think that was no English - I'm sorry, but I hope you can understand my point of viem .... ] [This last paragraph is somewhat confusing too.]

In addition to your university’s technical strengths, I am also wanting to attend your university because classes are taught in English and the education also focuses (encompasses...whatever…choose your word) business administration, quality assurance, and personality training (what’s that all about?). With a solid background in technical knowledge combined with an excellent general business background, I will be well prepared to follow my dreams of becoming a scientific researcher working in a laboratory.

- Victoria

It’s an improvement. Where your letter seems unclear or awkward, if I were you I would try to rewrite the sentence or paragraph so that it flows better.
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Dear All,

I m Abhishek Student of M.Sc. Forestry, at forest research institute dehradun india . I applying for Ph.D . Program in Germany. I have some innovative idea for research on Forestry tree. Please suggest for motivation letter on molecular biology.