Hello everyone, I really need some help for my letter of motivation. English is not my first language and I am afraid not to have mistakes in my letter. I will be delighted if you could give me some opinion about my letter.

Thank you

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to express my utmost pleasure in applying towards the masters program at xxx University. I am from Georgia, a country that has been in many hardships lately. I am married to a Swedish citizen and that is why I am planning to continue my education in Sweden, at your university particularly. I am confident that my personal and professional background fits and makes me a suitable candidate for the graduate program at xxx University. My bachelor's degree in Study of Art from I.xxx University of Tbilisi and diverse work experience has matured me into a conscientious adult. It also has given me the ambition and desire to move forward and further my education into the graduate degree.

As a child my favorite activity was to draw and because of my interest in it, I decided to pursue arts. Studying at xxx of Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity and reverence for the world around like I never have before. Studying arts and related subjects as disciplines consistently examines the changing values in all fields of the visual and creative culture. It embraces the different layers of life in the economic, social, and political realms as well as many other related areas of modernity. Studying History of Arts cultivated my critical thinking in terms of integrating analysis and knowledge. It gave me the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience, which I think was beneficial for my personal and professional development. My first employment was at xxx. My job title was to translate company's catalogues from Georgian into English, and to choose the exposes for exhibition. I started working at this company at the very early steps of getting myself aquatinted with the craft of art. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's paintings.

My most recent position was at xxx Hotel as an Executive Manager. I started as an administrative manager, but soon I got promoted, into a position of Executive Manager. There were twenty-two people under my subordination. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.
It was not easy in the beginning, but at the end I got an excellent experience in management of the hotel and in tourism field.
After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the Hotel and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills, which in return gave me an opportunity to better contribute in improving Hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge.

My employment at xxx Hotel helped to improve myself as a person and granted the confidence and desire to excel in the professional business environment.

I consider myself as a very organized, motivated and positive person, I do believe in the power of positivity, which can help you achieve every goal you set to yourself. I would like this opportunity to grow not only as a person but as a professional as well. I think that no matter what you have already achieved in your life there is always so much more to learn and experience to better yourself.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours faithfully

XXX
1 2
Apart form the gramatical and lexical mistakes you have made which are better to be corrected by expert teachers. Some of the things you have mentioned in your motivation later are quite irrelevent to the idea of motivation letters and you had better review several samples and then try your own.

In short, Your marriage and your country of citizenship and that stuff are irrelevent, beside, for every adjective you use to descibe yourself, you have to bring reason to support that. listing several adjectives would not be of any help to your application.

Let's see what others say.
  1. Please read this thread: http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...
  2. Thank you for leaving spaces between your paragraphs. Please continue.
  3. hrsanei mentioned that your marriage and citizenship are irrelevant. Normally, I would agree with his comment. But in your particular case, I will disagree. You are choosing Sweden for family reasons. They are honest and sincere. Stay with your reasons. However, I would strengthen your reasons a bit. Not only are you wanting to attend a Swedish University, but you like this particular university in Sweden for these reasons blah blah blah. hrsanei probably thought you should have stronger reasons than just convenience alone. That comment I agree with.
  4. I do agree with hrsanei's comment about grammar and wording. Please run your document through a spell and grammar checker. This step is mentioned in Point One thread.
Repost your revised letter once you have completed those steps. I hope hrsanei continues to monitor this thread and comments on your grammar and wording. His English appears strong.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hello once again, I am very grateful to you, thank you very much for you attention and explanation.
I've added two paragraphs to my letter, and I think they make my motivation of studying in Stockholm University clearer, but as I read a lot of samples on your web-site I really can see now that my letter is not satisfying at all. Unfortunately I've discovered your site very late, I mean I have been trying to write this letter for almost two months already, and I have a deadline on the next week.
The problem I have now is that my letter is supposed to have 500 words only, and I have over 700 already.
But still, would you please read my letter again and give me your opinion please?
And as for grammar and spelling checker, I've run my letter through many spell and grammar checkers, but I guess that do not work very well, because they showed me only one spelling problem.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to express my utmost pleasure in applying towards the masters program at xxx University. I am from Georgia, a country that has been in many hardships lately. I am married to a Swedish citizen and that is why I am planning to continue my education in Sweden, as for my interest in your specific university I have heard a lot of fascinating facts about it from my friends who study there, facts such as ideal environment for studying, well-organized and innovative educational system, creative professors with a huge experience and enthusiasm who desire to help students achieve. So, I believe that Stockholm University would help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. I am confident that my personal and professional background fits and makes me a suitable candidate for the graduate program at Stockholm University. My bachelor's degree in Study of Art from xxx University of Tbilisi and diverse work experience has matured me into a conscientious adult. It also has given me the ambition and desire to move forward and further my education into the graduate degree.

As a child my favorite activity was to draw and because of my interest in it, I decided to pursue arts. Studying at xxxxof Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity and reverence for the world around like I never have before. Studying arts and related subjects as disciplines consistently examines the changing values in all fields of the visual and creative culture. It embraces the different layers of life in the economic, social, and political realms as well as many other related areas of modernity. Studying History of Arts cultivated my critical thinking in terms of integrating analysis and knowledge. It gave me the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience, which I think was beneficial for my personal and professional development. My first employment was at xxx. My job title was to translate company's catalogues from Georgian into English, and to choose the exposes for exhibition. I started working at this company at the very early steps of getting myself aquainted with the craft of art. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's paintings.

My most recent position was at xxx Hotel as an Executive Manager. I started as an administrative manager, but soon I got promoted, into a position of Executive Manager. There were twenty-two people under my subordination. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.
It was not easy in the beginning, but at the end I got an excellent experience in management of the hotel and in tourism field.
After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the Hotel and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills, which in return gave me an opportunity to better contribute in improving Hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge.

My employment at xxx Hotel helped to improve myself as a person and granted the confidence and desire to excel in the professional business environment.

I consider myself as a very organized, motivated and positive person, I do believe in the power of positivity, which can help you achieve every goal you set to yourself. I would like this opportunity to grow not only as a person but as a professional as well. I think that no matter what you have already achieved in your life there is always so much more to learn and experience to better yourself.

Georgia is a developing country with an enormous potential in business, therefore I truly believe that, as the management is going to become of utmost importance in Georgia, after returning to my country I will make a contribution to it and realize my aspirations with knowledge gained at xxx University.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours faithfully
Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to express my utmost pleasure in applying towards to the masters program at xxx University.

I am from Georgia, a country that has been in many hardships lately. I am married to a Swedish citizen and that is why I am planning to continue my education in Sweden, as for my interest in your specific university I have heard a lot of fascinating facts about it from my friends who study there, facts such as ideal environment for studying, well-organized and innovative educational system, creative professors with a huge experience and enthusiasm who desire to help students achieve. So, I believe that xxx University would help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. I am confident that my personal and professional background fits and makes me a suitable candidate for the graduate program at xxx University. My bachelor's degree in Study of Art from xxx and diverse work experience has matured me into a conscientious adult. It also has given me the ambition and desire to move forward and further my education into the graduate degree.

Please just start at the beginning. Start with your childhood passions and then end your experience with your degree in Georgia. In your last paragraph, then talk about your Georgian citizenship and your desire to live/study in Sweden.

You have lots of stuff you can remove from your letter. Do not state obvious stuff.

Please reorganize your letter.

MH
Dear MH, thank you for your help once again. I've tried to reorganize my letter, I guess it sounds better now, but still has some problems. The numebr of words is about 580. Do you think I could shorten a paragraph of my studies at university?
Thank you once again.

Dear Sir/Madam,

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I would like to apply to the masters program at Stockholm University. I am confident that my personal and professional background fits and makes me a suitable candidate for the graduate program at Stockholm University.

As a child my favorite activity was to draw and because of my interest in it, I decided to pursue arts. I’ve graduated from I.Javakhishvili State University of Tbilisi with major in Study of Art. I believe that my bachelor’s degree and diverse work experience has matured me into a conscientious adult. It also has given me the ambition and desire to move forward and further my education into the graduate degree. Studying at State University of Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity and reverence for the world around like I never have before. It cultivated my critical thinking in terms of integrating analysis and knowledge, also gave me the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience, which I think was beneficial for my personal and professional development. My first employment was at International Art Auction "Tbilisi TIAA". My job title was to translate company's catalogues from Georgian into English, and to choose the exposes for exhibition. I started working at this company at the very early steps of getting myself acquainted with the craft of art. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's paintings.

My most recent position was at The Beaumonde Garden Hotel as an Executive Manager. I started as an administrative manager, but soon I got promoted, into a position of Executive Manager. There were twenty-two people under my subordination. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.
It was not easy in the beginning, but at the end I got an excellent experience in management of the hotel and in tourism field.
After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the Hotel and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills, which in return gave me an opportunity to better contribute in improving Hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge.

My employment at Beaumont Garden Hotel helped to improve myself as a person and granted the confidence and desire to excel in the professional business environment.

I consider myself as a very organized, motivated and positive person, I do believe in the power of positivity, which can help you achieve every goal you set to yourself. I would like this opportunity to grow not only as a person but as a professional as well. I think that no matter what you have already achieved in your life there is always so much more to learn and experience to better yourself.




I am married to a Swedish citizen and that is why I am planning to continue my education in Sweden, as for my interest in your specific university I know it as an ideal environment for studying, well-organized and innovative educational system, with creative professors who have a huge experience and enthusiasm desiring to help students achieve.





Stockholm University would help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. As Georgia has an enormous potential in business, and management is going to become of utmost importance there, I truly believe after returning to my country I will make a contribution to it and realize my aspirations with knowledge gained at your university.





Thank you for your consideration.



Yours faithfully



Elene Tsomaia
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Dear Sir or Madam: (don't use slashes)

I would like to apply to the masters program at Stockholm University. I am confident that my personal and professional background fits and makes me a suitable candidate for the graduate program at Stockholm University. (Somewhat weak. You don't tell me anything except the obvious. If you weren't suitable, you wouldn't apply.)

Because As a child my favorite childhood activity and passion was to was drawing and because of my interest in it, I decided to pursue arts. I’ve (no contractions!) I have graduated from I.Javakhishvili State University of Tbilisi with major in Study of Art. I believe that my bachelor’s degree and diverse work experience has matured me into a conscientious adult. It also has given me the ambition and desire to move forward and further my education into the graduate degree. Studying at State University of Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity and reverence for the world around like I never have before. Moreover, my studies It cultivated sharpened my critical thinking in terms of integrating analysis and knowledge, also gave me and provided the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience, which I think was beneficial for my personal and professional development. My first employment was at International Art Auction "Tbilisi TIAA". My job title key responsibilities were was to translate company's catalogues from Georgian into English, and to choose the exposes artworks for exhibition. I started working at this company at the very early steps of getting myself acquainted with the craft of art. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's paintings.

My most recent position was at The Beaumonde Garden Hotel as an Executive Manager. Although I started as an administrative manager, but soon I got was soon promoted, into a position of to Executive Manager, where. I supervised There were twenty-two people under my subordination. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.

It was not easy in the beginning, but at the end I got an excellent experience in management of the hotel and in tourism field.

After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the Hotel and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills, all of which in return gave me an opportunity to better contribute in improving Hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge. Moreover, My employment at Beaumont Garden Hotel helped to improve myself as a person and granted the I gained increased confidence and desire to excel in the a professional business environment.

I consider myself as a very organized, motivated and positive person, I do believe in the power of positivity, which can help you achieve every goal you set to yourself. I would like this opportunity to grow not only as a person but as a professional as well. I think that no matter what you have already achieved in your life there is always so much more to learn and experience to better yourself.

I rewrote your paragraph below. See what you think. Feel free to change it.

As evidenced by my growing responsibilities, I am an organized, motivated, and positive person. I believe in thinking and acting in a positive fashion. With the proper background and attitude, we can achieve whatever goal we set for ourselves. Although I have already enjoyed strong success in my career, I have even higher aspirations.



I am married to a Swedish citizen and that is why I am planning to continue my education in Sweden, as for my interest in your specific university I know it as an ideal environment for studying, well-organized and innovative educational system, with creative professors who have a huge experience and enthusiasm desiring to help students achieve.

Above paragraph seems clumsy. I tried to start a new paragraph below. See what you can do with it. Feel free to start fresh.

I am married to a Swedish citizen and have spent considerable time in X city. Not only am I familiar with the city, but I also adore it. (Discuss some thing you like about city.) Furthermore, I know your university has an excellent reputation (for something...)



The knowledge and experience I plan to gain at Stockholm University will would help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. As Georgia has an enormous potential in business, and management is going to become of utmost importance there, I truly believe after returning to my country I will make a contribution to it and realize my aspirations with knowledge gained at your university.

Again I rewrote your paragraph. I tried to make it shorter (and thus stronger).

The knowledge and experience I plan to gain at Stockholm University will help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. Georgia too is a beautiful country, a country with tremendous potential. I am confident that after I return to my country, I will make a strong and positive contribution.





Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your positive response.



Yours faithfully,


Elene Tsomaia

Now that you've seen my comments, please clean your letter up and let's have a look at it. I removed a lot of the clutter, so I suspect your letter will be shorter and stronger.

Once I see your revised letter, we'll probably make more revisions again. Then you should be getting very close.
Dear MH,

firts of all I want to thank you for helping me. I am really very thankful, because you your comments and opinions help me very much.
I tried to clean up my letter and added some details about me latest job, I'm not so sure if they are relevant, but I just try to support the adjectives I use. As for changing the parapraphs you wrote, your versions are much more simple and concrete, and I dont think I can change them any better.
I think the worse part of writing my letter is that I try to perfect it. At the begining I want to write something but I am not sure what to start with.

Thank you!

Dear Sir or Madam,



I would like to apply to the masters program at Stockholm University.

Because favorite childhood activity and passion was drawing I decided to pursue arts. I have graduated from I.Javakhishvili State University of Tbilisi with major in Study of Art. Studying at State University of Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity. Moreover, my studies sharpened my critical thinking and provided the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience. My first employment was at International Art Auction "Tbilisi TIAA". My key responsibilities were to translate company's catalogues from Georgian into English and to choose the artworks for exhibition. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's paintings.

My most recent position was at The Beaumonde Garden Hotel as an Executive Manager. Although I started as an administrative manager, was soon promoted to Executive Manager, where I supervised twenty-two people. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.

After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the Hotel and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills, all of which better contribute in improving Hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge. Moreover, I gained increased confidence and desire to excel in a professional business environment.


One of the most challenging and significant projects was the planning and execution of the “Traumatologists and Orthopedics Union of Georgia”’ conference with 110 delegates. The conference lasted for two days, and we were providing the whole package of services, which also included conference equipment, coffee breaks and lunches with wide range of different menus on each meal during the two days. The preparation period for this event was very challenging yet exciting and pleasant experience for me.

As evidenced by my growing responsibilities, I am an organized, motivated, and positive person. I believe in thinking and acting in a positive fashion. With the proper background and attitude, we can achieve whatever goal we set for ourselves. Although I have already enjoyed strong success in my career, I have even higher aspirations.


I am married to a Swedish citizen and have spent considerable time in Stockholm city. Not only am I familiar with the city, but I also adore it. The beauty of the old town amazes me, the simplicity of the old architecture makes an unusual coziness and calmness, that gives me a chance to get relaxed every time I go there. Furthermore, I know your university has an excellent reputation for offering top-class education, in a creative and equality emphasized surroundings.



The knowledge and experience I plan to gain at Stockholm University will help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. Georgia too is a beautiful country, a country with tremendous potential. I am confident that after I return to my country, I will make a strong and positive contribution.





Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to getting your positive response.



Yours faithfully,



Elene Tsomaia
Hi Elene; I've made some suggestions.

I would like to apply for the masters program at Stockholm University.
Because my favorite childhood activity and passion was drawing, I decided to pursue arts. I have graduated from I.Javakhishvili State University of Tbilisi with a major in Study of Art (is this the actual name of the program? Usually I see Art History, Decorative Arts, etc. ) . Studying at the State University of Tbilisi helped me discover my creative capacity. Moreover, my studies sharpened my critical thinking and provided the foundation to further shape my professional and personal aspirations.

My professional experience consists of diverse work experience. My first employment was at the International Art Auction "Tbilisi TIAA". My key responsibilities were to translate the company's catalogues from Georgian into English and to choose the artworks for exhibition. I was grateful for the opportunity to see a lot of famous Georgian artist's (one artist?) paintings.

My most recent position was at The Beaumonde Garden Hotel as an Executive Manager. Although I started as an administrative manager, I was soon promoted to Executive Manager, where I supervised twenty-two people. Among my duties were the monitoring and controlling of inner finances and event management with an emphasis on customer service.
After succeeding in my role, I was granted with financial support from the hotel (to attend training programs in general management ) and attended training programs concerning General Management, leadership, Conflicts and Negotiations skills (not capitalized) , all of which (helped me ?) better contribute in improving the hotel's business and gain more relevant knowledge. ( this sentence is poorly written - please rewrite it ) Moreover, I gained increased confidence and desire to excel in a professional business environment.

One of the most challenging and significant projects was the planning and execution of the “Traumatologists and Orthopedics Union of Georgia”’ conference with 110 delegates. The conference lasted for two days, and we were providing the whole package of services, which also included including the conference equipment, coffee breaks and lunches with a wide range of different menus for on each meal during the two days. The preparation of period for this event was a very challenging, yet exciting and pleasant experience for me.
As evidenced by my growing responsibilities, I am an organized, motivated, and positive person. I believe in thinking and acting in a positive fashion. With the proper background and attitude, we can achieve whatever goal we set for ourselves. Although I have already enjoyed strong success in my career, I have even higher aspirations.
I am married to a Swedish citizen and have spent considerable time in Stockholm city. Not only am I familiar with the city, but I also adore it. The beauty of the old town amazes me, the simplicity of the old architecture makes an unusual coziness and calmness, that gives me a chance to get relaxed every time I go there. Furthermore, I know your university has an excellent reputation for offering a top-class education, (no comma) in a creative and equality emphasized(? I don't know what you mean by "equality emphasized") surroundings.
The knowledge and experience I plan to gain at Stockholm University will help me to achieve my goals of furthering my management education. Georgia too is a beautiful country, a country with tremendous potential. I am confident that after I return to my country, I will make a strong and positive contribution. (to its progress?)
Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to getting (receiving) your positive response.
Yours faithfully,
Elene Tsomaia
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