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Good evening. I am applying for MSc in International Business and i would really appreciate any help with my motivation letter.
The requirements are the following:

Describe briefly (max. 5000 characters) your reasons for applying (i.e. expectations, plans, interests etc.), qualifications to be a successful prospective graduate (i.e. personal strengths, academic achievements, business related work experience etc.), your personal contribution/input to the degree programme and other possible merits.

Thank you in advance!

January 12, 2011

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for International Business Master’s Program at XXX starting in autumn 2011. This year I'm graduating from School of Business and Management of Technology of Belarusian State University and I'd like to pursue my education on graduate level. I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application and I am inclined to believe that my genuine interest in management, educational background, and personal skills and competences are a good fit for the program.

Since my teenage years I was particularly interested in economics and management as long as that my parents’ successful example was rather appealing: my mother had just finished her MBA by the time I left high school while my father had changed his occupation from engineering to sales management. Having practiced martial arts for several years, I also was fortunate to carry out such managerial functions as supervising newcomers and children, planning lessons and organize championships between clubs. This experience was the driver for my decision to take my knowledge base to the next level.

Undergraduate program in business administration was a unique opportunity for me to obtain strong understanding of management foundations. The study plan had vivid applied orientation and, therefore, fostered my personal and professional; improvement by developing such skills as decision-making, team work, leadership, negotiations and presentations. Along with management courses it comprised such essential disciplines as strategic, investment, marketing, international marketing, organization behavior, organization changes, etc.

During my time at the university I have developed interest in some of the aspects of management, namely financial and marketing management. Therefore, I have sought the ways of expanding my knowledge by participating in various activities which gave me the exposure and molding I required. The prolific research I performed included analysis of the financial position of an industrial company, revealed disadvantages for its work and led to development of the plan to achieve its goals. Additionally, my advisor ably guided and instigated me to explore my area of interests and employ unconventional approaches to financial diagnostics. During my internship in leading Belarusian marketing consulting company, I conducted a research on advertisement market, monitored prices and analyzed campaigns and strategies of competitors. Overall, it bolstered my knowledge of quantitative and qualitative methods, managing and implementing the data collection, analyzing the results and communicating the findings and their implications. Working experience received also gave me deeper realization of importance of being competent in various spheres of business process.

My interest in management became greater with each class related to the topic I’ve passed. I believe that the development of a domestic economy demands to apply to business the modern methods of management. Effective decision making in a very dynamic financial surroundings of Belarus demands from managers, above all, a qualified diagnosis of a company, sharp knowledge of strategy, marketing and organization. I will try to focus my endeavors on subjects that will most meet the need of Belarusian economics. My career aspiration is to become highly qualified manager of the top international level, but the first goal is to get a better grounding in the area by acquiring master training at your renowned university.

Subsequent to earning master’s degree I would like to work in a company as a manager and learn from the experience of professionals, investigating various aspects of real life business interactions. Undoubtedly, XXX which is reputed for its impeccable quality of education will have a significant positive impact on my future career, on the goals I have laid out for the next five years and beyond. The program will provide me with theoretical understanding, an in depth idea of practical approaches and research skills to enable me to develop as a well-rounded manager. Strong faculty and advanced research facilities are in the line with my academic and research interests. In my view, multicultural experience I will gain will be a pertinent contribution in forming me as a professional who is acquainted with the way people from other cultures think, about their traditions and prejudices.

Being repeated country taekwon-do champion, high achiever and a person passionate for challenges, I am sure that I will succeed on the program and receive expected results during the study. I realize the highly competitive demands of the program I am applying to, but I also believe that I acquire enough educational background and skills, ambition and motivation to cope with the requirements for a successful study at University. I would be honored with being accepted to XXX for the autumn 2011.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

1 2 3
Comments  
You certainly have a strong command of the English language.

A few comments. First, get rid of the contractions. Contractions usually aren't used in formal writing. Second, never use "etc", because it implies that you have exhausted your knowledge. In short, it means that's all you know. Third, you provide many buzz words without any support. And, fourth, your letter could be tighter, more focused.

Let me give you an example of the third point.

Undergraduate program in business administration was a unique opportunity for me to obtain strong understanding of management foundations. The study plan had vivid applied orientation and, therefore, fostered my personal and professional; improvement by developing such skills as decision-making, team work, leadership, negotiations and presentations. Along with management courses it comprised such essential disciplines as strategic, investment, marketing, international marketing, organization behavior, organization changes, etc.

When I read that paragraph, a few things come to mind. One, you mention that you have obtained a strong understanding in almost everything related to business. Have you? Where's the evidence? Perhaps you just have an overactive imagination? Two, if you have mastered all these topics, there isn't anything left to learn, so why do you want more education? Three, "etc," again, you've exhausted your knowledge and imagination. If you can't think of anything more, I certainly won't. Another two hundred application letters await my reading.

So now that I have given you an example of a problem, what's the solution? The solution is to simply state that you have an undergraduate degree, and then tell me which course or topics piqued your interest and passion. I already assume that an undergraduate degree exposed you to many different topics. So which ones did you like and presumably want to understand better?

As you consider revising your letter, here's some threads that will help you:

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterUniversityAbhinav-Gaur13/xqjzg/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/prrwb/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/xqdwq/post.htm

Also, please ensure to leave spaces between your paragraphs. You might find that typing some dummy text "blah" before pasting your letter helps. After you have pasted your letter, you can erase "blah".

MH
Thanks a lot for your helpful advice! I will post new version as soon as I get something bearable.
I also noticed that I should included extra curricular activities I omitted Emotion: smile
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
The trick in writing these letters is the following:

Tell me ONE thing (per paragraph) about yourself. It can be something you are good at. Or something you learned. Or something you experienced.

Example: I led a group finance project in my senior year where we came in third place.

Next, tell me how that benefits you and make sure you substantiate your claims.

I led a group finance project in my senior year where we came in third place. As part of group project, I assigned the roles to our team members. Next, led the team in deciding our major goals, objectives, and schedules. Moreover, as leader, I managed the inevitable personality conflicts that exist in most teams. Throughout the entire process, I kept our team focused on our strategy. At the end of the process, everyone on our team was pleased with our project. Moreover, we finished our project on time and ahead of schedule, and we placed third in the English Forums Internatioal Competition.

Something like that. From that paragraph, I see leadership, initiative, personality skills, success and whatever else. I used an example to demonstrate my strengths.

Just imagine being in an behavorial interview:

1) Give me an example where you demonstrated leadership?

2) Give me an example where you overcame adversity?

3) Give me an example where you had to work with difficult people?

4) Given me an example where you achieved greatness?

5) Give me an example where you you convinced someone who initially disagreed with you?

6) Give me an example where you worked under extreme stress?

You can keep imagining these sorts of questions. The letter should really give examples of important and interesting parts of who you are. Tell them about you. The activities themselves are unimportant. What is important is you. Of course, if you win a competition, that win is important too, because it speaks to your strength.

I hope this additional information is helpful.
One more item...

When I ran your letter through MS Word, I got the following stats:

- Flesch Reading Ease: 22.3
- Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 16.1

The grade level is exceptionally, meaning it takes a lot of mental energy to read. You should shoot for between 8-12.
Good day and thak you for these notes Emotion: smile
I have written some today but I bet I was sucked into the detailed and useless information. There is no ending yet but I would like to know if I am on the right track.

January 12, 2011

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for International Business Master’s Program at the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration starting in autumn 2011. My career aspiration is to become highly qualified manager of the top international level.

Having graduated from high school with English and Mathematics as my majors, I continued my education on undergraduate level with the study of business administration. In the entrance test I was one of the top performers and I was the first who was accepted for the study program. This year I'm graduating from School of Business and Management of Technology of Belarusian State University. As the top student of the class of 60 students I am working for receiving diploma with Honors.

During my time at the university I have developed interest in some of the aspects of management, namely financial and marketing management. I have sought the ways of expanding my knowledge by participating in various activities. The prolific research I executed included analysis of the financial position of an industrial company, revealed disadvantages for its work and led to development of the plan to achieve its goals. I also learned that employment of unconventional approaches to financial diagnostics helps to build more comprehensive picture of the condition of the company. I believe that study at the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration will advance my analytical and quantitative skills indispensable for any manager.

On the final year I am fortunate to have an opportunity in performing a marketing research for Dutch wholesale supplier of polyester production as my thesis project. I am really excited and passionate about this project as I can learn more about the strategies international company can penetrate local market and earn its share of the market. Moreover, I can support my theoretical knowledge with hands on experience. This will also be an excellent preparation for your program and assert for my career.

In addition to my academic record I am certain that my extracurricular activities advanced me as a team member and a leader. As a member of National taekwondo team, I developed the ability to work in stressed and timed environment, promptly adapt and strive for excellence because the success of the whole team depends on each member. For several years I was the team leader of my Club. I was involved in couching children and newcomers-the most challenging categories to cope with. I motivated them, persuaded to overcome the pain, and managed personal conflicts. I am the repeated winner of various championships and I believe that taekwondo bred me to become determined, focused team player.
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Well it seems to be too long too Emotion: smile Cut cut!
And by the way I have never had an idea that etc diretly implies on lack of imagination. Actually, as it seems in my mother toungue it is more like 'it is too much to say so I'd rather stop now'.
Your letter is much better.

However, I would like to see more detail, more specifics.

During my time at the university I have developed interest in some of the aspects of management, namely financial and marketing management. I have sought the ways of expanding my knowledge by participating in various activities. The prolific research I executed included analysis of the financial position of an industrial company, revealed disadvantages for its work and led to development of the plan to achieve its goals. I also learned that employment of unconventional approaches to financial diagnostics helps to build more comprehensive picture of the condition of the company. I believe that study at the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration will advance my analytical and quantitative skills indispensable for any manager.

Everything highlighted in yellow is vague. Try to sharpen and define it.

Some aspects? If you mean financial and marekting management, just say it.

disadvantages? Name the most important one. Tell me something real, something specific.

Unconventional approaches? What's unconventional? According to whom?

What skills specifically are you looking to strengthen in Norway?

So you are on the right track, but you need to be sharper, more defined yet. Your goal should be to convey information that everyone will understand ~exactly~ what you mean.
And by the way I have never had an idea that etc diretly implies on lack of imagination. Actually, as it seems in my mother toungue it is more like 'it is too much to say so I'd rather stop now'.
Yes, that is the same here too. However, what it really means is a lack of imagination.

I like playing oudoors sports such as soccer, football etc. So what does that mean?

What about rugby? Competitive cycling? Rowing? Archery? Marathons? Kayak? Water skiing?

Maybe I like water. Maybe I am deathly afraid of it. You have no idea. Neither does the reader. When you write etc., what you are really telling your reader is that you are lazy and have exhausted your limited knowledge or imagination.

Compare and contrast:

1) I like playing oudoors sports such as soccer, football etc.

2) I like some outdoor sports such as soccer, football, cycling, hiking in the mountains; however, I dislike most water sports because I don't swim well.

Which version provides the reader with more information?

Also, in your letter, you still have contractions. Don't is a contraction. Do not is not a contraction. In formal writing, you should eliminate most contractions. Some people are fussier than others. Since you don't know how fussy your reader will be, play it safe.
Dear MountainHiker,

I did my best to avoid vague statements but there might be some. Here is the result of my work. I am a bit sick so it is hard to think straight. Sorry for that but your critique is absolutelty amazing Emotion: smile
Here is what i would like to include in the work:

University accomplishments:
-research work on financial analysis
-research work on international market segmentation
-pending thesis on marketing research
-internship
also led many projects which were winners on the course

Exctracurricular:
Taekwondo champion, coach, team leader
red cross volunteer

January 12, 2011

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for International Business Master’s Program at the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration starting in autumn 2011. My career aspiration is to become highly qualified manager of the top international level.

Having graduated from high school with English and Mathematics as my majors, I continued my education on undergraduate level with the study of business administration. In the entrance test I was one of the top performers and I was the first who was accepted for the study program. This year I am graduating from School of Business and Management of Technology of Belarusian State University. As the top student of the class of 60 students I am working for receiving diploma with Honors.

During my time at the university I have developed interest in financial and marketing management. I have sought the ways of expanding my knowledge by participating in various activities. The research I executed included analysis of the financial position of an industrial company, revealed positions which negatively affected profitably as well as development of cash flow optimization plan. After I first got acquainted with international business, I realized that working for an international company is the path I would love to choose. Therefore, the other research project I implemented was devoted to international market segmentation of the Polish market of dairy products. I learned that in order to survive and be lucrative international has to be extremely flexible and adaptive to stringent competitive environment. I believe that study at the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration will broaden my knowledge of consumer behavior, brand and financial management in international markets, particularly what strategies Norwegian companies used to overcome the crises.

On the final year I am fortunate to have an opportunity in performing a marketing research for Dutch wholesale supplier of polyester production as my thesis project. I am really excited and passionate about this project as I can learn more about the strategies international company can penetrate local market and earn its share of the market. Moreover, I can support my theoretical knowledge with hands on experience. This will also be an excellent preparation for your program and assert for my career.

In addition to my academic record I am certain that my extracurricular activities advanced me as a team member and a leader. As a member of National taekwondo team, I developed the ability to work in stressed and timed environment, promptly adapt and strive for excellence because the success of the whole team depends on each member. For several years I was the team leader of my Club. I was involved in couching children and newcomers-the most challenging categories to cope with. I motivated them, persuaded to overcome the pain, and managed personal conflicts. I am the repeated winner of various championships and I believe that taekwondo bred me to become determined, focused team player.

Working experience I received gave me deeper realization of importance of being competent in various spheres of business process. During my internship in leading Belarusian marketing consulting company, I conducted a research on advertisement market, monitored prices and analyzed campaigns and strategies of competitors.

I want to study at NHH because of your flexible study program as well as international orientation. I will gain profound knowledge from leading experts of the field and obtain invaluable multicultural experience. Moreover, the courses offered in MIB program are in the line with my academic and research interests. International cooperation with other institutions will bolster my understanding of peculiarities business processes in different countries. All these positives make me confident of my decision.

Taking into account my interpersonal skills and academic excellence, I am considered that I will be an asset for MIB program. I am certain that I possess knowledge and skills, ambition and motivation to cope with the requirements for a successful study at NHH. Furthermore, my international background and sport training will bring diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours sincerely,

Maya
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