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AnonymousAll of us in this situation understand each other and know there's always someone worse and that our situations could always be much worse, but it doesn't make our loneliness any less raw. I haven't found any support groups for 'us' and haven't had any solutions from my psychologist in answer to being family-less.

It would also seem from reading a few people's response to this forum that one of the problems with living without family is certain people love to kick people when they are all alone, and not necessarily when they are down - just alone. For instance the person questioning the "tone" of the initial writer, the others "who don't want to be dragged down." My experience is alone people left their family, like myself, because the dysfunction and cruelty was way too much. The alternative of living alone while may be at times less painful but is still difficult and makes a person in that situation feel like they are destined to a life of pain. I know that is how I feel. My Uncle just died and I have no one to talk to. He was like a father to me. I rent a room and there were children over that day so I just couldn't sit and cry in the room and upset them. I went to a pub I frequent and people were cruel. People I have known for years. I left and went to a restaurant to eat and have some wine strangers were nicer to me. But all in all I have noticed since I made the decision to cut off my family people have been very cruel. I live on the East Coast of America which is known for culturally being a dog eat dog culture. I have lived here for twenty years and it doesn't get better. My therapist is realistic about the culture here and has suggested I move to a different part of the states. Easier said than done in this recession but I am going to try.

But it is just some kind of faded, useless animal instinct to cut people when they are alone. The problem is it compounds the loneliness. Can you imagine how the Widow above felt when she reached out on the board and got smacked with the Grammar Police??? (This website is an English grammar forum, and the original post was a question about grammar—Moderator) This just makes it harder to reach out. As to finding a group of "Us" I don't know. I am in the states but there is a definite void for us here to. I will definitely do a search. As short term solution could be al-anon but they get so damned cult like the emphasis being on alcohol it doesn't serve our needs as well.

My best to all who feel this way. You're really not at fault for being alone. It was the only choice I had and would suspect it was the only choice you had or the hand you were dealt. I guess we must make our own group if there is not support out there.

Hi, I found you by Google..."living without family". I know that I was not the only one who is living like this in the world, but I have never met anyone like me in my lifetime. I am also about 60 years old, and I suppose I have always been lonely, but it did not hit me until the last few years how different I was from everyone else. And especially at this age where most people have grandchildren. I have absolutely no family, ( honestly. Parents are dead, no siblings, no children or husband. Parents were only children, so no Aunts, Uncles, nieces, etc...) and friendships have always been difficult. I am really struggling with my existence now. I have tried everything, religion, volunteering, I have a wonderful dog, I meditate, go on nature walks, hobbies, travel....all the things suggested for people with loneliness. Nothing yet has relieved the pain. I really like the idea of the people who posted about making a community of others in the same situation...even if it is only an online one. I don't know if any of them are around still, since this post is a few years old. It is true, no one can understand what it is like to be alone unless you are one who is. I think it is even the reason why I don't have friends, I just can't relate to people, and they can't relate to me. Living in this world alone, with no one to trust, is so unusual and not many can even relate to the stress it causes. If there is anyone still on this subject, please contact me. I would like very much to start some support group. I mean, it makes me rather angry that there is so much help for all other cases in this world, but nothing for people who have no family. I do not drink, but thought about pretending so I could join AA. That is sad, so I did not do it, but just as an example.

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Erm I am not being funny but if thr lord is goo and all that why have we all be left alone in the first place ... leave it out.

I have been reading many of the post .. I am a lot younger than most of you which is also scaring me but going through pretty much the same thing ... kristen 1 i can not find you fb page and you link is going there either ... but yes a face to face support group with real human contact would be really good .. I myself have been thinking of how to put one together.

I am very similar to you. I also left home and studied civil engineering and have moved around the country for work. It's not so bad when things are going well, but when you get something big dumped on you... the friends don't respond the way a family member would. I found myself injured in a home invasion and left paralyzed after just beginning my own business and have had to go thru all of the surgeries and manage everything myself. There is no one there to plan for taking care of you or preparing meals or making sure your dog is in good hands. When you are weak, the vulnerability is intensified when there is no family member. And I have often thought of the wedding situation, as you have experienced. I would not have a single family member present. My dad was killed by a drunk driver when I was 2 and my brother died when I was 4 and my mother is mentally ill and abusive. I have survived and flourished on my own in the world, but when those moments of vulnerability arise it would be nice to have "family". I would love to connect with you but I'm not sure how this would work. I am now 43 and living in the Washington D.C. area.

Wow, I experienced the same! I was attacked in my home and left paralyzed and contacted my ex step-father to stay in his extra bedroom and recover and I never heard from him again. Because I had no family and he was my step-father for about 10 yrs of my life and we'd continued to celebrate birthdays and holidays over the phone until I was attacked. He must've thought I was going to cost him money while I recovered at his house so he did not respond and never called to see if I survived. That was Xmas 2004. I've gone thru 5 spine surgeries in a strange city all alone. It truly is undescribable to know that you're completely responsible for your own care and survival in this circumstance. People who have spouses at least have that. But when you are far away from where you grew up and not dating anyone... life can be scary when these things occur.
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It IS so scary to be alone. I too have a stepfather who bought me up from 2 til I was twelve and then him and my mum split up. After that, he used to turn up every few years or so to satisfy his curiosity. Now mum is dead (never knew my real dad) and my stepdad is happy with a couple of calls a year just so long as I dont ask him for anything. Thing is though is that I worry about him if his wife dies before him and how he will live. Id like to have him live with me. It would be nice to have someone who really cared about me. Im strong and resourseful - on the surface I even look fairly successful, but I get scared of my old age. Thats why I wanted to start up a community for people like us.
I too am familiness (or will be) - I am devasted that I can not find a support network - I am going to continue looking - hopefully we can get one created.

Hi Kate,

I am in the same situation. I understand you perfectly and also send you my love. I feel sorry that someone else feels like I do because I know the fear and pain of being alone when one is weakened by a trauma....things are not so bad when I feel good, but when I am sick or unable to physically meet the demands of life, it is really a challenge to get through. I wish there was a living group or a place for people like us, I mean, not just online, but an actual place where one can go to feel safe. I have had several times where I could not get around, and I have a dog that needs to go out. The most recent time was only 3 weeks ago when I fell and broke my rib. I had to go online and hire a student to take my dog out and to go get me groceries. I don't feel it is any of our faults that we are alone. Life just handed us this challenge. I also have no family living. All gone now. And the few friends I have are great unless I need something. No one comes when I am down, only when I am up and offering them something. I try not to think about the future because it is too frightening. If I knew how, I would start a group of people who would help those alone. Let's stay connected. All I can offer is to send you regards and love from one who knows your suffering.
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You have your daughter and that is A LOT. You will not be alone forever. Maybe have another child and when they are grown they will have grandchildren for you. You are a good person. It is nice that you sympathize.
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