Hi there ,

I'm an english student from Saudi Arabia . I see myself "ok" in english but not that good .

I had an assignment , a describing essay and I thought to show it to you guys first.



My Sister, Sunshine



Before I wrote this paper, I was looking around the room trying to find something to describe. And there she is, my older sister sitting in front of her computer.

She is sitting there so still and quite, and all what I can hear is the sounds of the clicks on the keyboard. Her thick, but yet so soft hair is let down tenderly, just like threads of light brown chocolate covering her shoulders and back. The lights of the screen is glowing against her face, her pointy little nose and delicate pink lips.

She doesn't look like me or my other sisters at all. Her skin color is lighter than ours, her face is small, and her chin makes her lips even smaller and softer. Her eyes are big and so deep; they look like they are always smiling. Her face is the source of relief; all her features are soft, light and heart warming.

On the other hand, under this surface, you can see this cute little kitty turns to tiger when she gets mad. She is so moody and picky. And she is harsh in criticizing people. I like her honesty, but sometimes she picks the wrong words, and we end up in a huge massive fight.

So, this is my sister. Sometimes we get along, and sometimes we don't. I love her no matter how much we fight, I guess this is what big sisters usually do, picking and teasing their younger sisters. She once asked me to give her a nickname, and I immediately said: "Sunshine", because she always shines everywhere she goes, with her sophisticated appeal and her strong personality.

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So , what you think ? comments ?
G E M I N IHi there ,

I'm an english student from Saudi Arabia . I see myself "ok" in english but not that good .

I had an assignment , a describing essay and I thought to show it to you guys first.



My Sister, Sunshine



Before I wrote this paper, I was looking around the room trying to find something to describe. And there she is, my older sister sitting in front of her computer.

She is sitting there so still and quite, and all what I can hear is the sounds of the clicks on the keyboard. Her thick, but yet so soft hair is let down tenderly, just like threads of light brown chocolate covering her shoulders and back. The lights of the screen is glowing against her face, her pointy little nose and delicate pink lips.

She doesn't look like me or my other sisters at all. Her skin color is lighter than ours, her face is small, and her chin makes her lips even smaller and softer. Her eyes are big and so deep; they look like they are always smiling. Her face is the source of relief [what do you mean by this phrase?] ; all her features are soft, light and heart warming.

On the other hand, under this surface, you can see this cute little kitty turns to tiger when she gets mad. She is so moody and picky. And she is harsh in criticizing people. I like her honesty, but sometimes she picks the wrong words and we end up in a huge massive fight.

So this is my sister. Sometimes we get along and sometimes we don't. I love her no matter how much we fight. I guess this is what big sisters usually do, picking on and teasing their younger sisters. She once asked me to give her a nickname, and I immediately said "Sunshine", because she always shines everywhere she goes, with her sophisticated appeal and her strong personality.

________________

So , what you think ? comments ?
I think it is good.

Minor points - you tend to over-punctuate. Often you have used a comma where it is not necessary. I have taken out some.

Check agreement of verbs and subjects.
Thank you !

I know but i can't help it , sometimes I be super suspicious about it Emotion: tongue tied ..

"the source of relief "

well , I was trying to explain how calm her features are , I guess I failed ?
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Yes! It would be better to say just that - "Her face is calm". Other suitable adjectives are serene OR tranquil.