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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree

In modern society, the upsurge of social media, for instance Facebook is being a cautious and skepticism problem. Some people argue that this development exerts an immense drawback in personals and society. From my perspective, this pressing problem is a deterioration to some aspects.

To begin with, the booming social networking sites entails some disadvantages because of many reasons. In this day, a plethora of people always under employment pressure and are likely to choose virtual communication rather than face-to-face due to the precious commodity of this alternative way albeit many detrimental effects. The social networking sites utilization makes it easier for people to be leaked the personal information by cybercrime. As a result, people are able to suffer from fears and many mental-related problems which exacerbate their health. In addition, using social media for communicating purpose leave people unable to have direct interaction leading to misunderstanding albeit its commodity functions.

Apparently, there are multiple problems of using social media. People staring on mobile phones or computers screen for a long time are able to suffer many serious diseases from the greenlight which can be the main cause of losing eyesight, obesity, diabetes and nervous system problems. The number of patients accelerated drastically can create the overwhelming of the healthcare system which even exacerbate issues. More and more people resources and expenditures are required to facilitate the hospital system which can lead to the adequate fund of education and transportation preventing the national development.

To sum up, the overusing of social network exerts many adverse impacts for personals as well as the political leaders. Therefore, the government and the public should devise many measures to tackle this pressing problem.

In modern society, the upsurge of social media, for instance Facebook is being cautious and scepticism problems. Some people argue that this development exerts an immense drawback in personals and society. From my perspective, this pressing problem is a deterioration of some aspects.

To begin with, the booming social networking sites entails some disadvantages because of many reasons. In this day, a plethora of people always under employment pressure and are likely to choose virtual communication rather than face-to-face due to the precious commodity of this alternative way albeit many detrimental effects. The social networking sites utilization makes it easier for people to be leaked the personal information by cybercrime. As a result, people are able to suffer from fears and many mental-related problems which exacerbate their health. In addition, using social media for communicating purpose leave people unable to have direct interaction leading to misunderstanding albeit its commodity functions.

Apparently, there are multiple problems of using social media. People staring on mobile phones or computers screen for a long time are able to suffer many serious diseases from the greenlight which can be the main cause of losing eyesight, obesity, diabetes and nervous system problems. The number of patients accelerated drastically can create the overwhelming of healthcare system which even exaccerate issues. More and more people resources and expenditures are required to facilitate the hospital system which can lead to the adequate fund of education and transportation preventing the national development.

To sum up, the overusing of social network exerts many adverse impacts for personals as well as the political leaders. Therefore, the government and the public should devise many measures to tackle this pressing problem.

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Hello Tuyết Ánh;


You use "sophisticated" vocabulary words but you do not use these words correctly as a native speaker would. So your text seems strained, stilted or awkward. In some places, it is incomprehensible.

The main purpose of this task is to demonstrate your ability to communicate clearly in natural English. You cannot just memorize dictionary words and expect to use them properly.



In modern society, the upsurge (awkward) of social media, for instance Facebook (incorrect punctuation) is being a cautious (wrong word) and skepticism (wrong word) problem. Some people argue that this development exerts an immense drawback (wrong word) in personals (wrong word) and society. From my perspective, this pressing problem is a deterioration to some aspects. (I do not understand this point. Your thesis statement must answer the essay question: To what extent do you agree or disagree? To answer this question, you must use an adverb of extent. Examples are: somewhat, completely, totally, partly, partially, with reservations, and a little bit.)


To begin with, the booming social networking sites entails (wrong word) some disadvantages because of many reasons. In this day, a plethora (wrong word) of people always under employment pressure (I do not understand what you mean? Are they seeking a job?) and are likely to choose virtual communication rather than face-to-face due to the precious commodity of this alternative way (stilted, unnatural, awkward.) albeit many detrimental effects. (unnatural, ungrammatical) The social networking sites utilization (wrong word) makes it easier for people to be leaked (wrong word) the personal information by cybercrime. (wrong word) As a result, people are able to suffer from fears (wrong expression) and many mental-related problems which exacerbate (wrong word) their health. In addition, using social media for communicating purpose (unnatural) leave people unable to have direct interaction leading to misunderstanding albeit its commodity functions. (I have no idea what this means.)

Apparently, (inappropriate word) there are multiple problems of using social media. (This means that people have difficulty understanding how to use it.) People staring on mobile phones or computers (wrong form) screen (wrong form) for a long time are able to suffer (This is wrong usage. "Able" means to have a capability to do something. Because we are animals, we are able to suffer, since all animals feel pain. ) many serious diseases from the greenlight which can be the main cause of losing eyesight, obesity, diabetes and nervous system problems. The number of patients accelerated (wrong word) drastically can overwhelm create the overwhelming of the healthcare system which even exacerbate issues. (Unnatural. I do not understand this.) More and more people resources and expenditures are required to facilitate the hospital system which can lead to the adequate fund of education and transportation (I do not understand this. How do hospital expenditures fund education?) preventing the national development.

To sum up, the overusing of social network exerts many adverse impacts for personals (wrong word) as well as the political leaders. (You never mentioned political leaders in the body paragraphs. Do not add new ideas in the conclusion.) Therefore, the government and the public should devise many measures to tackle this pressing problem. (The essay topic did not ask you to give a solution, so do not give one. You need to answer the essay prompt.)

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