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Some people describe to a view that an army of students these days usually lead a sedentary lifestyle, and that most of us treat them as a responsibility of both schools and parents. While I agree that a range of students have hecticed daily schedule over time, I do not agree that parents and schools have to solve this issue as their responsibility.

On the one hand, the students nowadays no longer have a health lifestyle. From the air, the quality of foods we eat,.. and ending with our daily activities. In Vietnam, students have to go to school from 6 am to 6 pm with a majority of homework and a large number of exams or tests. We are just able to eat any fast food over their school for the next lessons, often fell sleepy anytime. As a consequence, we will contract with any diseases, such as stomachache, obesity, headache or even facing to the puberty soon.

However, i disagree all of the result is led by their both schools and parents. An illustration that in Vietnam, schools from primary to high level all recognize some activities, or dancing/ football… clubs in the free time for them to join in after school. Another example is that your parents usually prepare the meals for you, or call up you to do any housework as doing the uniform, washing dishes or cleaning up your room at weekend. The most important affecting choice is from you, when you can build your schedule or timetable which is balanced to your study.

In conclusion, it seems that leading a sedentary lifestyle is not a good way to stay in shape and improve your skill other knowledge.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement ?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Some people describe (wrong word - you are probably thinking of subscribe. ) to a view that an army of students (Not a natural expression) these days usually lead a sedentary lifestyle, and that most of us treat them as a responsibility (That does not make sense.) of both schools and parents. While I agree that a range of (Not a natural expression) students have hecticed (wrong word - This is not a valid word.) daily schedule over time, I do not agree that parents and schools have to solve this issue (We solve problems, not issues.) as their responsibility.


You need to answer the essay prompt: To what extent do you agree with this statement?
You have to use an adverb of extent.

I do not understand your answer.


On the one hand, the students nowadays no longer have a health (wrong word ) lifestyle. From the air, the quality of foods we eat,.. (Do not use "..." in formal writing. Your sentences must be complete. ) and ending with our daily activities. In Vietnam, students have to go to school from 6 am to 6 pm with a majority of homework and a large number of exams or tests. We are just able to eat any (wrong word ) fast food over their school for the next lessons, often fell (This is the past tense of fall. - Do you mean "fall asleep" or "feel sleepy"?) sleepy anytime. As a consequence, we will contract with (wrong verb - ) any diseases, such as stomachache, (Stomachache is not a disease.) obesity, headache (Headache is not a disease.) or even facing to the puberty (That does not make sense. Puberty is when a child becomes an adult.) soon.

However, i (That is a letter of the alphabet. It is not a person. Letters do not disagree. Also, do not write opinions in body paragraphs. Write your opinion only in the first paragraph and the conclusion. The body paragraphs are for argument points supporting your opinion.) disagree all of the result is led by (I do not understand.) their both schools and parents. An illustration that in Vietnam, schools from primary to high level all recognize some activities, or dancing/ football… clubs in the free time for students them to join in after school. Another example is that your parents usually prepare the meals for you, or call up you to do any housework as doing the uniform, washing dishes or cleaning up your room at weekend. The most important affecting choice is from you, when you can build your schedule or timetable which is balanced to your study.

In conclusion, it seems that leading a sedentary lifestyle is not a good way to stay in shape and improve your skill other knowledge (That is off-topic. The topic is: should the schools teach students about a healthy lifestyle, or should the parents do that?

You are a beginning student. Keep practicing and studying. )