In recent years, it is believed that the economy had has a major impact on the development of nations, therefore, many governments propose that economic progress is the most necessary purpose. Nevertheless, others claim that many other kinds of progress are equally important. I will discuss both views and state my opinion on in the essay below.

First and foremost, the economic movement is indeed vital for countries. This is because the economy provides citizens with abundant benefits such as: good facilities, high salaries, a better quality of life. Thus economic development can enhance the country’s position in the world. Taking Brazil as an example, the government has imposed lots of policies for economic development. As a result, the quality of life in Brazil has been considerably improved, which enables them to get better jobs and enhance their living standards. Furthermore, Brazil is ranked among five fresh power nations alongside: Russia, India, China and South Africa.

On the other hand, focusing on economic progress is not enough for the development of nations. Moreover, developing just only economy but forgetting other types of progress creates a variety of problems. Specifically, human activities and industrial has consequences for our life lives such as: overpopulation, climate change, pollution. As the most compelling evidence, Brazilian made has encouraged lots of deforestation for agricultural development, which created lots of forest fires in The Amazon forest. Without any doubt, this activity is detrimental for nature because this phenomenon reduced 15% of O2 of the world, resulted in the death of lots of people and animals. Hence, governments have to concern about other types of progress such as: environment, education, medical, security and defence to develop the country in a sustainable way and because all of these aspects are definitely important.

To sum up, I believe economic progress is necessary but it can create lots of problems. In my opinion, governments should pay attention to all aspects of nations such as: environment, medical and education as well.


I need someone help me with this essay. I'm preparing for the IELTS exam, so please give comment in the essay above. Please tell me where band score I'm in !!!

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Do not put a colon punctuation mark between a preposition and its object.



In recent years, it is believed that the economy had has a major impact (That is not a very good sentence. What kind of economy are you referring to? It is obvious that a bad economy can wreak havoc on people's lives.) on the development of nations, (comma splice error -ungrammatical sentence) therefore, many governments propose that economic progress should be their top priority. is the most necessary purpose. (awkward) Nevertheless, others claim that many other kinds of progress are equally important. I will discuss both views and state my opinion on in the essay below.

(improper thesis statement. Never mention your essay, your writing or what you are going to tell the reader in an academic essay. It is not academic style. Instead write a thesis statement. This is the main point of your essay that you will argue in the body paragraphs.)


First and foremost, the economic movement (wrong expression - a healthy economy) is indeed vital for countries. This is because the a good economy (Every country has an economy, but it might be very bad, with high inflation, high unemployment, corruption, high level of poverty and a black market or it can be a good, healthy economy with the opposite conditions.) provides citizens with abundant benefits such as: good facilities, high salaries, a better quality of life. (ungrammatical series) Thus economic development can enhance (wrong word) raise the country’s position in the world. Taking Brazil as an example, the government has imposed many lots of policies for economic development. As a result, the quality of life in Brazil has been considerably improved, which enables them (no antecedent. Who are you talking about?) to get better jobs and enhance (wrong word) raise / improve their living standards. Furthermore, Brazil is ranked among five fresh power (wrong expression) nations alongside: (wrong punctuation - no punctuation should be here.) Russia, India, China and South Africa.

On the other hand, focusing on economic progress is not enough for the development of nations. Moreover, developing just only economy but forgetting other types of progress creates a variety of problems. Specifically, human activities and industrial (wrong usage. Industrial is an adjective. You cannot use it as a noun.) has consequences for our life lives such as: (wrong punctuation - no punctuation should be here.) overpopulation, climate change, pollution. (ungrammatical series) As the most compelling evidence, Brazilian (wrong form - this is one person who lives in Brazil.) made has encouraged (wrong expression) lots of ("Lots of" is informal. ) deforestation for agricultural development, which created lots of forest fires in The Amazon forest. Without any doubt, this activity is detrimental for nature because these fires have this phenomenon reduced 15% of O2 (the oxygen in the atmosphere ) of the world, resulted (wrong form) in the death of lots of many people and animals. Hence, governments have to concern about other types of progress such as: (wrong punctuation - no punctuation should be here.) the environment, education, medical, (wrong usage. Medical is an adjective. You cannot use it as a noun.) security and defence to develop the country in a sustainable way and because all of these aspects are definitely important.

To sum up, I believe economic progress is necessary but it can create lots of problems. In my opinion, governments should pay attention to all aspects of nations such as: environment, medical and education as well.

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Thank you so much for your comments, Please tell me Where band score I'm in the Ielts exam?

Phan Thị Thu TrangPlease tell me Where band score I'm in the Ielts exam?

I am not a qualified examiner, so I hesitate to set any expectations. However, if you take my suggestions, your score will be better.