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In this day and age, the ownership of computers has substantially increased due to the wide distribution of Internet. For that reason, people can easily access to the network, including children. As a consequence, children can be affected by negative aspect of Internet such as pornographic sites, gambling or online shopping. This can be minimized by raise children awareness about negative aspect of Internet and monitoring children activities by using a range of software.


First of all, parents play an important role in this situation, they should allocate time to their children in order to educate them about the negative aspeccts of mentioned sites because that children have not fully grown up to regconise the danger of those websites, especially when there are many tricks to attract them. For instance, parents can easily show their kids the consequences of harmful websites in children mental and physical health such as a decrease in privacy, sexual addiction or scam.


Secondly, technology advances enable parents to supervise their kids at any time by installing monitoring software because the control of parents is dispensable to children activities, by overseeing children parents can timely deal with the circumstances when children access bad websites. For example, some of the companies as Youtube and Apple include tools in their foundation so that parents could restrict children’s access to some certain websites.


In conclusion, inspite of the developement of cyber crime parents can protect their children by raising the regconization of negative field of Internet and managing children activities

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:

Topic:

Many people now have personal computers, and the use of internet is becoming more widespread. Many people are concerned about children using internet to access adult websites, gamble or buy goods on credit. how can internet access by children be...

Please copy the instructions completely and accurately.

My essay:

(Your text here...) ---------------------

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You barely wrote the minimum word count. Aim for 270-290 words in Task 2. Besides, your essay has a lot of repetition. You need to include some more illustrations and examples from personal experiences.


In this day and age, the ownership of computers has substantially increased due to the wide distribution of Internet. For that reason, people can easily access to (wrong usage) the network, including children. As a consequence, children can be affected by negative aspect (wrong form) of the Internet such as pornographic sites, gambling or online shopping. This can be minimized by raise (wrong verb form) children (wrong form) awareness about negative aspect of the Internet and monitoring children (wrong form) activities by using a range of software.


First of all, parents play an important role in this situation, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence) they should allocate time to their children in order to educate them about the negative aspeccts (repetitive, wrong spelling) of mentioned sites (Unnatural. Do not use "mentioned" except as a past tense verb) because that (wrong usage) children have not fully grown up to regconise the danger of those websites, especially when there are many tricks to attract them. For instance, parents can easily show their kids the consequences of harmful websites in children mental and physical health (wrong expression) such as a decrease in privacy, sexual addiction (wrong expression)or scam. (Decrease in scam?)


Secondly, Second, technology (wrong word) advanced parental control software enable parents to supervise their kids at any time by installing monitoring software because the control of parents is dispensable to children activities, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence) by overseeing children parents can timely deal with the circumstances when children access bad websites. For example, some of the companies as Youtube and Apple include tools on their sites in their foundation so that parents could restrict children’s access to some certain (wrong usage. These two words do not go together.) websites. content.


In conclusion, inspite of the developement of cyber crime (You did not mention development of cyber crime in the body paragraphs. Do not put any new ideas in the conclusion.) parents can protect their children by raising the regconization of negative field (wrong expression) of the Internet and managing children activities (Missing punctuation)