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These days, because of the globalization, people are extremely under the high pressure which leads them to find out more activities to relax after working time. For many, they choose risky sporty such as hang-gliding, mountain climbing as a way to get rid of stress. And today, this method is becoming a hot trend despite its danger. This is essay will explain detail why people have a trend on these sports and give my view point about this.

First of all, it can not be denied that something relates to nature could make people feel better and mountain climbing, hang gliding are the activities that people have opportunity to immerse themselves in stunning landscapes mostly compared to these others in house - sport such as Gym, ping pong which sole help people to have physical activities and not really help them to have a relaxation.

Furthermore, some people having adventure sense. they will be attractive by unique sports which not many people dare to try. To join these kind of sports has a lot of demand such as health, time, even a quite big mount. The goal of these activities are special also which people can go the top of a high mountain or dare to jump from as highest as they can. Rarely people can break these challenges so that anyone coming over is really admirable. That's why many people want to challenge themselves by this way. Take an example for this point, in the world, there are not many people who can get to the top of Everest so if anyone can go the top of this mountain, it should be admirable by their friends, colleagues.

However, nowadays, there are a lot of missing because people have an accident such as lost in the forest due to a sudden storm and so on.

All in all, in my opinion, it is not really a bad trend that people deep into these activities, It can be apart of their hobby as well as it is a good way to help them get a travel, going somewhere far away busy town and relax. Every sport has its own risky so people and governments just need to manage these kind of special sports activities more thoroughly to restrict as less as possible the danger for the participants

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These days, because of the globalization, people are extremely under the high pressure which leads them to find out more activities to relax after work. working time. For many, they choose risky sporty (wrong word - sporty is an adjective.) such as hang-gliding, mountain climbing (ungrammatical. The conjunction is missing.) as a way to relieve get rid of stress. And today, this method (wrong word ) is becoming popular a hot trend despite its danger. This is essay will explain detail why people have a trend on these sports and give my view point about this.

(Write a thesis statement that answers the essay prompt. Always answer the question in the first paragraph. Do not mention your essay; that is an inferior approach to essay writing.

e.g.

Even though such activities are inherently dangerous, I believe that it is a wonderful trend, especially if measures are taken to prevent injury.

)

First of all, it can not be denied that something relates to nature could make people feel better (ungrammatical sentence structure. You omitted the required relative pronoun.) and mountain climbing, hang gliding are the activities where that (wrong word -) people have the opportunity to immerse themselves in stunning landscapes mostly compared to these others in house - sport (wrong expression - indoor sports.) such as Gym, (wrong word - gym is a place, not a sport.) ping pong which sole (wrong word. Sole is an adjective) help people to have physical activities and not really help them to have a relaxation.

(You wrote a paragraph of one extremely complicated sentence which is ungrammatical and ungainly. This will not get you a high score. Write shorter, grammatically correct sentences, each making a point.)


Furthermore, some people having (wrong form) adventure sense. (wrong expression) they will be attractive (wrong word - attractive is an adjective meaning beautiful) by unique sports which not many people dare to try. To join these kind (wrong form) of sports has a lot of demand (unnatural expression) such as health, time, even a quite big mount. (wrong word - mount is a verb meaning to get on a horse. It can also be in the name of a mountain. e.g. Mount Everest.) The goal of these activities are special also which (ungrammatical) people can go the top of a high mountain or dare to jump from as highest as (wrong expression) they can. Rarely people can break (wrong word) these challenges so that anyone coming over (wrong expression) is really admirable. That's (Do not use contractions in a formal essay.) why many people want to challenge themselves in by this way. Take As an example. for this point, in the world, there are not many people who can get to the top of Mount Everest so if anyone can go the top of climbs this mountain, they it should be admired admirable (wrong word ) by their friends, colleagues. (ungrammatical. The conjunction is missing.)

(incorrect paragraphing. A paragraph needs more than one sentence.) However, nowadays, there are a lot of missing people because they people have an accident such as getting lost in the forest due to a sudden storm and so on. (Do not use ellipses or "etc." or phrases like "and so on" in formal essays.)

All in all, in my opinion, it is not really a bad trend that people deep (wrong word - deep is an adjective, not a verb.) into these activities, (wrong punctuation) It can be apart (wrong word - apart means separate.) of their hobby as well as it is being a good way to help them get a travel, (wrong expression ) going somewhere far away busy town (wrong expression. What is a far away busy town?) -and relax. Every sport has its own risky (wrong word - risky is an adjective, not a noun) so people and governments just need to manage these kind (wrong form) of special sports activities more thoroughly to restrict as much less (wrong word ) as possible the danger for the participants (missing punctuation. Also the last sentence should not be in your conclusion. The conclusion paragraph must add not new points, only summarize the points in your body paragraphs.)


If you make a revised essay, and post it below, I can help you further.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate. This is my revise essay, would you mind pls giving me some advices. Thank you a lot.
These days, because of globalization, many people are under high pressure which leads them to find more activities to help them unwind after work. For many, they choose risky sports that are climbing mountant or hang-gliding as a way to relieve stress even though such activities are inherently dangerous. There are a lot of reasons for them to neglect the risk when take part in these activities and those reasons totally convinced me so that i believe this is a wonderful trend.

First of all, it can not be denied that types of sports which are regarded to the nature could make people feel better because they provide the opportunities for people to immerse themselves in stunning landscape. That is to say, climbing mountain and hang-gliding are predominant more than indoor sports such as ping pong, badminton which just help people to have physical activities and not really help them to have relaxation.

In addition, the more sense of adventure people have, the more unique sports they want to try. The reason make climbing mount and hang gliding be special is it requirements. To join these activies is needed to have good health, time and even money. Some people claim that it is such a worth activity for them to buy them some time since rarely people dare to have a crack at this activity. For example, in the world, there are not many people could reach the top of Everest Mount so that someone who can go to the top of Everest should be extremely admirable by friends, colleagues.

Conversely, nowadays there are a lot of missing people yet they have accident such as getting lost in the forest, having sudden trouble with equipment while playing hang-gliding. Ofcourse, this is just unexpected situation and it it out of human's prediction but if these happen, the serious consequence is inevitable. If people can ensure everything regarded to guarantee as much as possible, only the benefits remain.

All in all, every sports can cause injury not only risk sports but also indoor sports. Besides the disadvantage of those types of activities, it should be considered the advantages of them so that in my view point, it is not a bad trend and when it becomes more popular and it people naturally have their awareness to avoid accidents.

Đỗ Thu Trang 9651Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. This is my revised essay. Would you mind pls giving me some advice? advices. Thank you a lot.

Advice is non-count. Do not use the plural form.

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These days, because of globalization, many people are under high pressure which leads them to find more activities to help them unwind after work. For many, they Many of them choose risky sports such as that are climbing mountains mountant or hang-gliding as a way to relieve stress even though such activities are inherently dangerous. There are a lot of reasons for them to neglect the risk when taking take part in these activities and those reasons totally convinced me so much that i ("i" is the ninth letter of the alphabet. It is not a person.) believe this is a wonderful trend.

First of all, it can not be denied that types of sports which allow one to be outdoors close to nature can are regarded to the nature could make people feel better because they provide the opportunities for people to immerse themselves in stunning landscapes. That is to say, climbing mountains and hang-gliding are predominant more refreshing / stimulating / invigorating / stress-relieving / than indoor sports such as ping pong and badminton which just help people to have get some exercise physical activities and not really help them to relax. have relaxation.

In addition, the more sense of adventure people have, the more unique sports they want to try. The reason What makes climbing mountains and hang gliding be special is it the requirements. To join these activies, it is necessary is needed to have good health, free time and even money. Some people claim that it is such a worthwhile activity for them simply because most to buy them some time since rarely people rarely dare to attempt it. have a crack at this activity. For example, in the world, there are not many so few people in the world who have reached could reach the top of Mount Everest that they are admired immensely by their friends and colleagues. Mount so that someone who can go to the top of Everest should be extremely admirable by friends, colleagues.

Conversely, nowadays there are a lot of people who die due to accidents yet they have accident such as getting lost in the forest, or having sudden trouble with their hang-gliding equipment while playing hang-gliding. Ofcourse, this is just an unexpected situation and it is out of our control. human's prediction But if these when they happen, the serious consequences are is inevitable. If people can ensure everything regarded to guarantee their safety as much as possible, only the benefits remain.

All in all, every sport sports can cause injury not only risky sports but also indoor sports. Besides the this disadvantage of those types of activities, it should be considered the their advantages need to be considered. of them so that In my view point, it is not a bad trend and when it becomes more popular (The next part is ungrammatical. I will let you fix it.) and it people naturally have their awareness to avoid accidents.

Thank you so much ! For the last sentence, can I fix it like this:

In my view point, it is not a bad trend. When it becomes more popular, it naturally comes to people the thing how to enhance their awareness to avoid accidents.

Đỗ Thu Trang 9651

Thank you so much ! For the last sentence, can I fix it like this:

In my view point, it is not a bad trend. When it becomes more popular, it naturally comes to people the thing how to enhance their awareness to avoid accidents.

No.

Đỗ Thu Trang 9651In my view point,

From my point of view

From my viewpoint

Đỗ Thu Trang 9651it naturally comes to people the thing how to enhance their awareness to avoid accidents.

That makes no sense. I don't know what you mean.

Thing and enhance are especially not good. "enhance awareness" is not a proper collocation. We "raise awareness".

"it comes to people" is also problematic. What is coming?

Is this what you wanted to say?

If it becomes more popular, the need increases for people to educate themselves about the dangers, invest in safety equipment and check the weather conditions before they go out.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

If it becomes more popular, the need increases for people to educate themselves about the dangers, invest in safety equipment and check the weather conditions before they go out.
=> Yes. That's what i meant. When something happened more frequently, people will have solution to adapt to it.