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Hi AlpheccaStars,
Thank you for your advice. I am still working on my letter. In a few days I will post the letter here (after the appointment with one of my professor Emotion: sweating).
Good luck!

It is an excellent idea for you to ask professors to comment on your letter. Just have the confidence to believe that it is your letter that they will comment on - it is not on you as a future PhD!
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Hi AlpheccaStars,

The true is that I was not able to finish the letter because I have a problem regarding my research interest for PhD. I do not think that I would really like to spend 3 year studying the ageing process. There is something else that is fascinating to me. That is why I have to talk with my professor.

About my motivation letter, you are the only one who helps me with it. Thank you very much for all your suggestions.
Hi Cori;
I would imagine that studying the aging process could keep a thousand PhD biologists busy for a hundred years. It is very complex and has many aspects. But if something else has tickled your fancy, that's OK too.

Good Luck
Hi, AlpheccaStars,

I am back. This is another draft letter. I am afraid, the letter it is too long - again. What should I cut away. Please, could you check it and point out which are the weaknesses of the letter.

Thank you very much.

Dear Members of the TUD Graduate Committee,

Someone once told me: „Study what you love. The significant advances in science have been made by people passionate about their field". Following this pulse I am going with my passion writing to you to express my great interest in applying to the international doctoral programme for Molecular Cell and Developmental Biology starting in the 2011 fall term. I graduated in biology science in July 2010 with a strong focus on Genetics and Developmental biology.

My curiosity in science dates back to my years in high school. Reading was my greatest passion. Since I had no money for books my classmate, knowing my passion, stealthily lent me her father's book which I avidly read. Fortuitously , her father was a biology teacher. Richard Dawkins' book, „The Selfish Gene" caused a wave of excitement in my mind. Its providing me with a new face of the theory of evolution, totally different from what teachers have tried to instill in my memory and deeply increased my concern about biology. Even if unconsciously, ever since I knew that I would like study biology. The moment I really got hooked, I would say, was after I had already been admitted to university. In the realm of biology, I have developed a special interest in embryology, one of the most intelectually exciting and challenging area for me.

The interest in a career in scientific research has become my dream and main goal in my life. That is why I did not quit when the experiment for my dissertation thesis failed. Because the staining method was flawed I had overstained the mouse fetuses and could not quantify the degree of skeletal malformations. It was such a major setback that my co-ordinators have tried in vain to convince me to give up and try again next year. At risk not finishing on time, but with a very clear goal I made some changes to the previous staining method and re-did the experiment again. It turned out to be such a success that my co-ordinators said that it was the best paper of the year at the Embryology Department and recommended it for publication. My work „A comparative investigation of fetal skeletal anomalies in two mouse strains induced by cadmium" was published in the journal Biotechnological Letters (vol.. pg.. ). I learned that Samuel Johnson was right when he said "the prospect of being hanged focuses the mind wonderfully". I have thrived myself under pressure.

Once I finished my master's, I took some time off to look back and contemplate where I began, how far I have come, and consider future prospects for my scientific endeavors. It was the best thing I could have done. Now, I know why I'm here, what I intend to get out of life, a lifelong dream.

Paragraph 5. My research theme - coming soon

The TUD is an ideal location for my PhD research. I am highly aware of the exquisite reputation of your school, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in attending. I know that, supplementary to your excellent faculty, your university is on the cutting-edge of research. Additionally, the affiliation with Max Planck Institute, one of the world's leading research institutions has aroused my interest from the very beginning.

I am especially interested in this programme because offered exactly what I am looking for: practice-oriented research specifically aimed at contributing to the research regarding the ....I am convinced that this three-year international doctoral programme at the Center for Development Research in Berlin is the stepping stone towards my future as a scientist and continuance of my research in the field of Developmental Biology Science.

Cori
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Cori -
It is only a little over 600 words so far. Do the application instructions give a recommendation? I have read that 1000 words is not excessive.

But by combinng the latter and first paragraphs, you could cut some words:

Introduction

The international doctoral programme for Molecular Cell and Developmental Biology at TUD is the place where my passion for Genetics and Developmental biology bekons me. It is the ideal opportunity to continue my education after my Master's Degree in biology science in July 2010. I am writing to apply for the Fall 2011 term.

Two paragraphs on interest in science, and choice of this field
My curiosity in science dates back to my years in high school. ..

Overcoming challenges with the thesis

Cut the "time off" paragraph - it adds nothing to the letter.

Research theme and post-doctorate plans

Reasons for selecting your programme (two paragraphs)

Conclusion
AlpheccaStars,

I have no words to thank you for your proof-reading and the suggestions. I do not know how many words should the letter have. However, I am sure they have a lot of applications and will not spend much time on reading the whole letter. That is why I tryed to shorten it . I rearranged my paragraphs on your recommendation and had another try.
Looking forward to seeing your comment!

Thank you in advanced,
Cori

Dear Members of the TUD Selection Committee,

The international doctoral program for Molecular Cell and Developmental Biology at TUD is the place where my passion for Genetics and Developmental biology beckons me. It is the ideal opportunity to continue my education after my Master's Degree in biology science in July 2010. I am writing to apply for the Fall 2011 term.

My curiosity in science dates back to my years in high school. Reading was my greatest passion. Since I had no money for books my classmate, knowing my passion, stealthily lent me her father's book which I avidly read. Fortuitously , her father was a biology teacher. Richard Dawkins' book, „The Selfish Gene" provided me with a new face of the theory of evolution which deeply augment my concern about biology. Even if unconsciously, ever since I knew that I would like study biology. The moment I really got hooked, I would say, was after I had already been admitted to university. In the realm of embryology, the landmark was after handling mice embryos for the first time.

Make great new discoveries that nobody knows on the World yet and question all our current dogma has become my main goal in my life. That is why I did not quit when the experiment for my dissertation thesis failed. Because the staining method was flawed I had over dyed the mouse fetuses and could not quantify the degree of skeletal malformations. It was such a major setback that my coordinators have tried in vain to persuade me to give up and try again next year. At risk not finishing on time, but with a very clear goal I re-did the experiment again. I thrived under pressure. It turned out to be such a success that my coordinators said that it was the best paper of the year at the Embryology Department and recommended it for publication. My work „A comparative investigation of fetal skeletal anomalies in two mouse strains induced by cadmium" was published in the journal Biotechnological Letters (vol.. pg.. ). I learned that Samuel Johnson was right when he said "the prospect of being hanged focuses the mind wonderfully".

My research interest is grounded in the area of Developmental Biology and Genetics. Hardly any point could give me more satisfaction than to get a better understanding of the mechanisms of gene regulation during embryonic development and tumors. I am General questions that encompass my main goal include: What is the probability to control gene expression? And, once controlled in what way will influence the embryonic development ? The elucidation of this event is crucial to the improvement of the success rate of earlier diagnosis and better treatment for different types of cancers.

The TUD is the perfect location for my PhD research. My conversations with several alumni from your university and other universities have served to deepen my interest in attending to your faculty. I am highly aware of the exquisite reputation of your school. I know that, supplementary to your excellent facilities, your program offer cutting-edge training in biological research. Further, the cooperation with Max Planck Institute, one of the world's leading research institution is very enriching and has aroused my interest from the very beginning.

I am especially interested in this program because offered exactly what I am looking for: practice-oriented research specifically aimed at contributing to the research regarding the mechanism of gene regulation during embryonic development. I am convinced that this three-year international doctoral program at the Center for Development Research in Berlin is an important milestone in my future as a scientist and continuance of my research in Developmental Biology Science.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Hi Cori -
I have made some suggestions for your consideration, but I recommend that you get other people who are experienced in your field of study to give you advice, too.
Regards, A-Emotion: stars

Dear Members of the TUD Selection Committee,

The international doctoral program for Molecular Cell and Developmental Biology at TUD is the place where my passion for Genetics and Developmental biology beckons me. It would be is the ideal venue opportunity to continue for the next step in my education after my Master's Degree in biology science in July 2010. I am writing to apply for the Fall 2011 term.

My curiosity in science dates back to my years in high school. Reading was my greatest passion. Since I had no money for books my classmate, knowing my passion for reading, stealthily lent me her father's book which I avidly read. Fortuitously , her father was a biology teacher. His book, Richard Dawkins' book, „The Selfish Gene" provided me with a new insight into face of the theory of evolution which deeply augmented my interest in concern about biology. From that point, even if unconsciously, ever since I knew that I would like study biology. The moment I really got hooked, I would say, was after I had already been admitted to university. That was in the realm of embryology, the landmark was after handling mice embryos for the first time. Making great new discoveries that nobody knows on the World yet and questioning all our current dogma have become my main goal in my life. That is why I did not quit when the experiment for my dissertation thesis failed. Because the staining method was flawed, I had over-dyed the mouse fetuses and could not quantify the degree of skeletal malformations. It was such a major setback that my (thesis advisors?) coordinators have tried in vain to persuade me to give up and try again the following next year. At risk of not finishing on time, but with a very clear goal, I re-did the experiment again. I thrived under pressure. It turned out to be such a success that my coordinators said that it was the best paper of the year in at the Embryology Department and recommended it for publication. My work „A comparative investigation of fetal skeletal anomalies in two mouse strains induced by cadmium" was published in the journal Biotechnological Letters (vol.. pg.. ). I learned that I can thrive under pressure; Samuel Johnson was right when he said "the prospect of being hanged focuses the mind wonderfully".

My research interest is grounded in the area of Developmental Biology and Genetics. Hardly anything point could give me more satisfaction than to get a better understanding of the mechanisms of gene regulation during embryonic development and tumors. I am General questions that frame encompass my chosen topic main goal include: What is the probability to control gene expression? (I'm not sure what probabilities you mean here - do you mean the probablility that we can find mechanisms to control gene expression?) And, once controlled in what way will that influence the embryonic development ? The elucidation of this event is crucial to the improvement of the success rate of earlier diagnosis and better treatment for different types of cancers.

The TUD is the perfect location for my PhD research. My conversations with several alumni from your university and other universities have served to deepen my interest in attending to your faculty and convinced me that TUD is the perfect location for my PhD research.. I am highly aware of the exquisite reputation of your school. I know that, supplementary to your excellent facilities, your program offers cutting-edge training in biological research. Further, the cooperation with Max Planck Institute, one of the world's leading research institutions is very enriching and has aroused my interest from the very beginning. I am especially interested in this program because it offers exactly what I am looking for: practice-oriented research specifically aimed at contributing to the research regarding the mechanism of gene regulation during embryonic development. I am convinced that this three-year international doctoral program at the Center for Development Research in Berlin would be is an important milestone in my future as a scientist and continuance of my research in Developmental Biology Science.Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
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Dear AlpheccaStars,

Please know that I am eternally grateful for the help you have provided, because without your help I am not sure what I would have done.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely yours,

Cori