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hi can you please correct this letter for me please.
Monash South Africa
144 Peter Road
Ruimsig
South Africa
Johannesburg/Gauteng

Dear Sir/Madam

Bursary Motivation Letter

I am writing this letter with intentions to apply for a bursary to assist me in my educational development.
My name is Fatima Mandrious Solomons i am currently enrolled in your institution for Bachelor of Public Health.
I am suffering with shortage of financial resource. It is basic barrier which keeps me out for educational opportunities.

I want to be a recipient of your bursary program to continue my educational smoothly.
I will be very glad to accept it and pledge to do my best to surprise your expectations to me.
I am a goal-oriented,quality minded student and have an excellent educational records.
It is all credit to my school administration and teachers who maintain my educational status and
help me to excel in some field of education.

I am looking forward toward your positve response. I hope that you will merit your preferential attention to my application.
Thank you in anticipation of considering my application.

Yours sincerely
Fatima Solomons
Comments  
If you are sending them a formal letter, you should put your address in the top-right side of the page --------------->
(same/similar format as the Monash one).

Monash South Africa
144 Peter Road
Ruimsig 1724
Gauteng

(Fill in the date)

Dear Sir/Madam
Bursary Motivation Letter

Note: in the address above, if you take out Jo'burg & put in the postal code after Ruimsig, then you need only put Gauteng on the line below - don't really need South Africa as they're also based in SA.

To search for postal codes:
http://www.postoffice.co.za/CustomerSupport.aspx?ID=5


I haven't played around with your ideas - if you can include some positive educational achievements up to this point, it may be worth putting them in ; I've mainly corrected where I felt necessary.

(After your heading):

I am writing this letter with the intention of applying for a bursary to assist me in my educational development.

I am currently enrolled in your institution for Bachelor of Public Health, and suffer from a shortage of financial resources. It is a basic barrier which keeps me from pursuing educational opportunities.

I hereby request to be a recipient of your bursary program to continue my educational studies smoothly. I pledge to do my best to surprise your expectations of me. I am a goal-oriented, quality minded student and have an excellent educational record. It is all a credit to my school administration and teachers who maintained my educational status and helped me to excel within during my formative schooling.

I sincerely hope that I will merit your preferential attention to my application, and thank you in advance for considering my application.

I look forward toward hearing from you as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely

(your signature just above the line, below).
_______________________
Fatima Mandrious Solomons
Plot 69
Driefontein Road
Muldersdrift
1747
Monash South Africa
144 Peter Road
Ruimsig
1724
Gauteng
13 January 2012

Dear Sir/Madam

RE:Bursary Application Letter

I am writing this letter with intention of applying for a bursary to assist me in my educational development.
I am currently enrolled in your institution for Bachelor Of Public Health,and suffer from a shortage of financial resource.It is a basic barrier which keeps me from pursuing educational opportunities.

I hereby request to be a recipient of your bursary program to continue my studies smoothly.I pledge to do my best to surprise your expectations of me.I am a goal-oriented,quality minded student and have an excellent educational record.It is all credit to my school administration and teachers who maintained my educational status and helped me to excel within during my formative schooling.

In addition my goal are the road maps that guide me and showed me what is possible for my life.I have always wish to take part in peoples health and always wanted to do my best in helping the nation to recover.At high school i took life science and physical science subjects that gave me a bit experience in health.I have always been in the first position and was awarded a certificate from edcon in the third place,Like to be against the odds im not afraid to be lonely at the top.With me, it is just the satisfaction of the game.just performance.After my matric i have done BAA(Basic Ambulance Course)which i experienced a lot from health field and with the experience i have that can allow me to do best in my degree.

I sincerely hope that i will merit your preferential to my application,and thank you in advance for considering my application.

I forward toward hearing from you as soon as possible.

Yours Sincerely

Fatima Solomons