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This is my first motivation letter. I will be very grateful if somebody help me to correct some mistakes.

I have mainly studied the following subjects: English, French, basic Chinese, information technologies, economy and others. The five-year-long study and two-year long research laid a solid foundation in science for me. Two of my articles were published in scientific magazine and my thesis took 2nd place in the national competition of students' research papers. I’m very active and energetic person that’s why I was always involved in many curricular and co-curricular activities.

I chose public management because I always wanted to be selected as a group leader and help people to be more effective. The Public management program would provide a large step towards reaching that goal. While applying for this program and for a scholarship, I perfectly realize that the competition is tough. I feel, however, that I have many strengths that make me eligible for the program. My first quality is my ability to work in the group and my organizational skills as I was a coordinator of the scientific community “Strides in science”. Active participation in scientific conferences offered me the opportunity to practice public speaking which is a fundamental component of my future work, gave me the opportunity to keep abreast of current scientific and practical problems, impetus to personal growth, developed leadership skills and the ability to speak in public and conduct discussion.

Moreover, the fact that I speak 3 languages fluently (Russian, French, English) and my curiosity about different cultures in the world would foster my integration in a multicultural environment.

In my opinion management knowledge can actually bring me to a whole another level of experience. I want to learn how to be in control of the situation no matter how severs it is, what makes a manager a true leader, compare and contrast the management approaches in governmental and non-governmental sectors and consider the challenges facing a company employing staff of varying ages and backgrounds.

One of my long-term educational goal is to examine the effects of the type of language used to communication between employer and employee and then to become a world-class specialist. I’m interested in it and can easily consider each part of the goal separately and come up with plenty of talking points.

I learned 2 foreign languages and going to learn 3rd– Chinese, most companies employ specialists are from different countries that speak different languages and have different cultures, and I’m sure that knowing the methods of effective management and conflict resolution, using foreign languages and knowledge of culture, I can devote myself into Chinese companies and bring it to a high level. The research on this topic involves first of all discussing questions with academic supervisor, a literature review in different languages ​​in order to better understand the realities of different countries, writing some articles for scientific magazine and visiting seminars.

I consider this program not only as a study of public administration, but also as learning Chinese that will give me a great opportunity to get in touch with Chinese culture and educational system. China's history and culture is one of the richest and oldest in the world. Reading the books and watching the news I’m really impressed by the way these individuals have proved themselves to be dedicated to their work and with true efforts they have set China as a successful example for other world. The fast growing economy, technological advancement and global ranking education institutes of China with high reputation give a great aspiration to the students and professionals for the better career perspectives.

Moreover, China’s diverse cultural norms and values, the famous gentle hospitality of its people, thriving economy and heavy state investment in higher education, Belarus and China’s friendly relations make China ideal place for me to do my Master’s degree.

I strongly believe that the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China can equip me with the managerial tools that are fundamental to evolve in the management world, great skills and efficiency which will be very much helpful to face the challenges of the management industry.

Thank you for considering me for this scholarship. If I receive this award I can focus solely on my studies. I will work hard to implement my goals of learning Chinese and gaining a Master’s degree in public management.

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Hello Vika,

When is your letter due? That is, when do you have to submit it?

If I help you, I will be doing two things: one, focusing on your content and organization; and two, focusing on your grammar and style.

I look forward to hearing from you.

MountainHiker

Comments  
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hi, I need to due it 12 February.

Hello Vika,

You are undoubtedly bright. But unfortunately, you left this letter too late. It typically takes about twenty iterations to get a good letter. With only two or three days remaining, there is insufficient time. You need to start one or two months ahead of when you need to submit a letter.

I will try to provide a few pointers that might help you if you chose to rewrite your letter.

There is no perfect or correct way to write a letter. That said, there are some things you can do.

When you use numbers, write out single digit numbers zero through nine. Do not use 3 languages. Instead, you know three languages. For percentages, it is an exception. You were in the top 5 per cent (British) percent (American) of your class.

Don't use contractions in your letter. Contractions are more informal.

When I looked at your letter, I had difficulty finding the key information. So here is how I encourage others to write their letters.

Paragraph One

Tell the reader why you are writing. For example: "I am writing to apply for admission to the faculty of medicine starting on September 1, 2020. Using my key strengths of intelligence, determination, and creativity, I want to become a specialist in fighting new viruses in foreign locations."

So now I know why you are writing. I also know your final destination or hope or dream. And, as a bonus, I know your three key strengths, which we will use shortly.

Paragraph Two

This paragraph is about your intelligence. Do not refer the reader to your transcripts. Instead, tell the reader in very specific terms why you think you are smart. Tell them about awards you have won, your placement in the class, articles you have published, or anything that tells them that you are special. The key is to provide proof, not hand-waving arguments or descriptions.

Paragraph Three

Very similar to the prior paragraph, this one would be about your determination. When did you overcome insurmountable obstacles to achieve your goals. Again, you want to be specific.

Paragraph Four

Very similar to the prior paragraphs. Here, I chose creativity. I like to have at least one item that is not academic. Here, you might discuss your passion for painting, singing, sculpting, playing a musical instrument, or something else. You want to provide the reader with a sense of who you are.

Paragraph Five

Why did you choose this programme (British) program (American) at this university? What makes it special? Think of the professors, its reputation, its location, or other critical factors.

Paragraph Six

Thank you for your consideration of my application. I look forward to your acceptance and beginning the program in September.


When you look at that organizational structure, it makes sense, doesn't it. One thing leads to another. It's organized.


Here are three links that might help you.

  1. https://www.englishforums.com/content/lessons/motivation-letters-part-i.htm
  2. https://www.englishforums.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/post.htm
  3. https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseReviewMotivationLetter/pwcmp/post.htm

The third link is rather long. But it does show the process or writing and rewriting.

Now, let's quickly go through your letter and make some comments.



I have mainly studied the following subjects: English, French, basic Chinese, information technologies, economy and others (I dislike others, etc. and so on. Vague words are poor. They do not tell me anything.). The five-year-long study and two-year long research laid a solid foundation in science for me. Two of my articles were published in scientific magazines and my thesis took 2nd second place in the national competition of students' research papers. I’m I am very active and energetic person and that’s that is why I was always involved in many curricular and co-curricular activities. (Again, "many" is vague. I have no clue what you are talking about.)

I chose public management because I always wanted to be selected as a group leader and help people to be more effective. The Public management program would provide a large step towards reaching that goal. While applying for this program (which program) and for a scholarship, I perfectly (careful with adverbs because they usually destroy value.) realize that the competition is tough. (So what?) I feel, however, that I have many strengths that make me eligible for the program. My first quality is my ability to work in the group and my organizational skills as I was a coordinator of the scientific community “Strides in science”. Active participation in scientific conferences offered me the opportunity to practice public speaking, (comma) which is a fundamental component of my future work, gave me the opportunity to keep abreast of current scientific and practical problems, impetus to personal growth, developed leadership skills and the ability to speak in public and conduct discussion. (This last sentence is confusing. It seems like a run-on sentence. It lacks parallel structure.)

Moreover, the fact that I speak 3 three languages fluently (Russian, French, English) and my curiosity about different cultures in the world would foster my integration in a multicultural environment. (Although this sentence sounds flowery, I do not know what it means or why it is important.)

In my opinion, (comma) management knowledge can actually bring me to a whole another level of experience. (Again, I don't know what this prior sentence means.) I want to learn how to be in control of the situation no matter how severs it is, what makes a manager a true leader, compare and contrast the management approaches in governmental and non-governmental sectors and consider the challenges facing a company employing staff of varying ages and backgrounds. (You are trying to discuss too much information in one sentence. Again, it lacks parallel structure, so it confuses the reader.)

One of my long-term educational goal is to examine the effects of the type of language used to communication between employer and employee and then to become a world-class specialist. I’m I am interested in it and can easily consider each part of the goal separately and come up with plenty of talking points. (Wouldn't it be better to tell the reader your long-term goals at the beginning of your letter?)

I learned 2 (two) foreign languages and am going to learn (3rd– delete) Chinese, most companies employ specialists are from different countries that speak different languages and have different cultures, (People do not have different cultures. They know how to operate or live in different cultures.) and I’m sure that knowing the methods of effective management and conflict resolution, using foreign languages and knowledge of different cultureS, I can devote myself into Chinese companies and bring it to a high level. (I do not understand this last sentence.)The research on this topic involves first of all discussing questions with academic supervisor, a literature review in different languages ​​in order to better understand the realities of different countries, writing some articles for scientific magazine and visiting seminars. (Same applies to this sentence.)

I consider this program not only as a study of public administration, but also as learning Chinese that will give me a great opportunity to get in touch with Chinese culture and educational system. China's history and culture is one of the richest and oldest in the world. Reading the books and watching the news I’m really impressed by the way these individuals have proved themselves to be dedicated to their work and with true efforts they have set China as a successful example for other world. (There is more than one world?) The fast growing economy, technological advancement and global ranking education institutes of China with high reputation give a great aspiration to the students and professionals for the better career perspectives. (This whole paragraph does not tell me anything useful about you.)

Moreover, China’s diverse cultural norms and values, the famous gentle hospitality of its people, thriving economy and heavy state investment in higher education, Belarus and China’s friendly relations make China ideal place for me to do my Master’s degree.

I strongly believe that the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China can equip me with the managerial tools that are fundamental to evolve in the management world, great skills and efficiency which will be very much helpful to face the challenges of the management industry. (Near the bottom of your letter, you finally tell the reader which faculty you are applying to. This information should be at the top of your letter.)

Thank you for considering me for this scholarship. If I receive this award I can focus solely on my studies. I will work hard to implement my goals of learning Chinese and gaining a Master’s degree in public management.


I have not gone through your letter in careful detail. Instead, I went through it quickly to point out some items that jumped out at me. Your letter should or must be easily read and understood. Otherwise, it won't achieve its objective.

I hope this information has been helpful.

MountainHiker