Hello,

I would like some help about my motivation letter. Could anybody give me some suggestion or correct it? Thank you for your help

Dear Sir or Madame,

Are you seeking for a responsible part-time secretary providing professional and competent assistance to one of your Managers thanks of her sense of organization abilities and perfect computer literacy (Word, Excel, Lotus Notes, Internet, E-mail and Power Point (basic knowledge)) as well as all administration tasks? I although possess a good commercial background and communication skills in German (mother tongue), English and French. My exactness, punctuality and motivation have always been appreciated.

From *** until *** I worked for *** as a part-time secretary and I am currently looking for a new surrounding.

For the last 21/2 years I worked for *** I assumed many administrative tasks like following-up the personnel files, correspondence in German, French and English, reservation of accommodations and plane tickets, hold petty cash etc.

The enclosed curriculum vitae and references will provide you more information about my personality und I would be glad to answer any questions you may have.

I sincerely hope that you will consider me for any vacancies, which might occur, within your organization.

Therefore, I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely yours,
Hello Bensou, and welcome to English Forums. The following words and phrases need repair:

providing
thanks of
organization
perfect -- this is a good word, but unbelievable; choose another
although
a new surrounding -- should be plural, but is not a point to be put forward in a motivation letter anyway.
21/2
following-up
hold -- this is a verb; the other items in your list are nouns (or are trying to be)
und -- oops! Is this a bilingual letter?
vacancies, which might occur, within -- no commas
Therefore-- delete this.
Thank for you backfeed. I mad some changes. Does it sound better now?

Are you seeking for a responsible part-time secretary to provide professional and competent assistance to one of your Managers thanks to her sense of organization abilities and excellent computer literacy (Word, Excel, Lotus Notes, Internet, E-mail and Power Point (basic knowledge)) as well as all administration tasks? I also possess a good commercial background and communication skills in German (mother tongue), English and French. My exactness, punctuality and motivation have always been appreciated.

From *** until *** worked for *** as a part-time secretary and I am currently looking for a new experience.

For the last two and half years I worked for *** I assumed many administrative tasks such as treating personnel files, correspondence in German, French and English, reservation of accommodations and plane tickets, keeping the petty cash etc.

The enclosed curriculum vitae and references will provide you more information about my personality and I would be glad to answer any questions you may have.

I sincerely hope that you will consider me for any vacancies which might occur within your organization.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
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Much, much better.

I don't really like the awkward structure of that long first sentence, and I suggest that you separate it into at least two different clauses:

'...managers; one who has good organizational abilities...'

'Seek' = 'look for', so omit the 'for'
no capital on 'manager'
omit 'internet' and 'email'-- everyone can do that!
'administrative' not 'administration' tasks
comma after 'until ***, '
comma after 'secretary,'
comma after 'two and a half years,'
comma after 'tasks,'
comma after 'cash,'
replace 'personality' with 'experience and abilities', and a comma after this 'abilities,'

And then it will be perfect!

Hi,

Thank you very much for your input.

It's a longtime I didn't write any letters in english.
I really hope to find something where I can use the language. I have the impression I am loosing everthing I learned.

by
bensou