hello!
I am trying to write a motivation letter for a Master in chinese business.
I've already read the advices in "Please Read: Requests for Help With Motivation Letters" and in the others messages posted on this forum, but I am not still sure how's my letter.
I would appreciate your opinion

Thank you in advance!

Dear Sir or Madam: (I can't find out the name...)

I am writing to apply for a place in the *** program.

I graduated in Oriental Languages and Cultures in *** from the University of *** where I obtained a degree that focuses on the Chinese language. I chose to study Chinese because I have always been fascinated by Chinese history and culture, and I believe language is the primary key to finding out and understanding other cultures. Since the very beginning of my studies I was struck by the uniqueness of Chinese language and began taking a great interest in Chinese linguistics and sociolinguistics.

After I graduated, I obtained a post-graduate scholarship that was offered by *** to conduct research on Chinese brand naming that allowed me to live and study for two years in the capital of Chinese economy, Shanghai. During my research, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between culture and marketing, and I realised the importance of sociolinguistics and cultural issues in Chinese marketing strategies.

This experience was not only important for me academically, but also because it give me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese in person. I witnessed the amazing boom of the Chinese economy, which highlighted the enormous possibility for investment in the Chinese market, while also observing it’s social contradictions at the same time. Coming in contact with many Chinese people of different ages and status also allowed me to familiarise myself with their cultural features, which were often very different from Western ones. These cultural aspects not only influence their values, habits, customs and etiquette, but also their way of communicating, negotiating and interacting as well.

Nowadays China has become a new pillar of the world economy. Their annual GDP is rising by more than 7% per year and they can also boast the largest potential consumer market in the world. Everyone wants to do business with China, and the demand will only increase in the future, but as many analysts point out, doing business in China is not as easy as it may seem. The difficulties are mostly due to cultural clashes, and I firmly believe that conducting successful business in China begins with understanding their language, customs, protocols and business practises. Understanding the Chinese culture is a sine qua non of being successful in the Chinese market.

Successful professionals in the international business community not only speak the language of their business partners or clients, but also understand their business culture. Thereby, in accordance with this concept, my professional objective is to become an expert in the Chinese languages and culture while gaining invaluable knowledge and experience of Chinese marketing strategies and management.

I believe that the aim of the program is consistent with my academic background and aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge gained through *** program I will gain necessary skills and experience that will help me take a giant step towards reaching my professional goals.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Luca
Hi,

I someone doesn't comment sooner, I will provide some commentary tomorrow. From my quick read, it is well written.

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Needs some work. The second part is a fragment, no?

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Boom is not over yet? Possibility for investment...more than a possibilty no?

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I am not sure it is mostly due to cultural clashes, though it might be. I would say cultural clashes are a major contributor to the difficulties. Also, I use "because of" rather than "due to". Try googling <<"due to" grammer>> without the brackets.

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I like your meaning, but try different phrases. "in accordance with this concept" strikes me as a bit odd.

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Be careful of using latin "sine qua non". Those of us not part of the cognoscenti don't necesssarily know that sine qua non means essential element or condition.

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I would add "helpful contacts" to your list as well.

Actually, I have now commented on your letter.

I want to thank you for having put a tremendous amount of work into your letter before posting it. You obviously have written and rewritten your letter a few times. Your letter makes sense, and it is strong and compelling. I didn't spot any obvious spelling or grammatical errors.

Try making a few subtle changes and posting it again.

Overall, you have a very strong letter.

MountainHiker

Thank you very much for your kind help!

I made the changes you suggest ….

1. <<"This experience was not only important for me academically, but also because it give me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese in person."
Needs some work. The second part is a fragment, no?>>

I’ve read this passage several times, but…sorry, I can’t understand why is a fragment.

2. <<"I witnessed the amazing boom of the Chinese economy, which highlighted the enormous possibility for investment in the Chinese market, while also observing it's social contradictions at the same time."
Boom is not over yet? Possibility for investment...more than a possibilty no?>>

I witnessed the amazing boom of the Chinese economy, which highlight the enormous possibilities for investment in the Chinese market, while also observing it's social contradictions at the same time

3.<<"The difficulties are mostly due to cultural clashes, and I firmly believe that conducting successful business in China begins with understanding their language, customs, protocols and business practises."
I am not sure it is mostly due to cultural clashes, though it might be. I would say cultural clashes are a major contributor to the difficulties. Also, I use "because of" rather than "due to". Try googling <<"due to" grammer>> without the brackets.>>

Very often, misunderstandings and cultural clashes are one of the main cause of these difficulties. I firmly believe that conducting successful business in China begins with understanding their language, customs, protocols and business practises.

4.<<"Successful professionals in the international business community not only speak the language of their business partners or clients, but also understand their business culture. Thereby, in accordance with this concept, my professional objective is to become an expert in the Chinese languages and culture while gaining invaluable knowledge and experience of Chinese marketing strategies and management."
I like your meaning, but try different phrases. "in accordance with this concept" strikes me as a bit odd.>>

Successful professionals in the international business community not only speak the language of their business partners or clients, but also understand their business culture. Thereby, in the light of this, I would like to become an expert in the Chinese languages and culture with a good knowledge and experience of Chinese marketing strategies and management.

5.<<"I believe that the aim of the program is consistent with my academic background and aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge gained through *** program I will gain necessary skills and experience that will help me take a giant step towards reaching my professional goals."
I would add "helpful contacts" to your list as well.>>

I believe that the aim of the program is consistent with my academic background and aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge and helpful contacts gained through *** program I will gain necessary skills and experience that will help me take a giant step towards reaching my professional goals.
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luca,

#1
I’ve read this passage several times, but…sorry, I can’t understand why is a fragment.


"but also because it give me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese in person." incomlete sentence.

This experience was not only important for me academically, but it also gave me a great opportunity to understand China and its people.

There fixed.

#2

I witnessed the amazing boom of the Chinese economy and saw the enormous possibilities for investment in China, while also observing social contradictions at the same time. (Does this work? I've lost its context, so please check.

#3

Misunderstandings and cultural clashes are very often one of the main causes of these difficulties . I firmly believe that conducting successful business in China begins with understanding its language, customs, protocols and business practises.

#4

Successful professionals in the international business community not only speak the language of their business partners or clients, but also understand their business culture. To be a full participant in Chinese business community, I plan to become an expert in its languages and culture as well as its marketing strategies and management.

Does that work?

#5

I think your modified version works fine.

Hope this helps.

MountainHiker

#1

"This experience was not only important for me academically, but also because it give me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese in person."

I mean that living in China gave me the oppurtunity to saw China and Chinese with my own eyes

This experience was not only important for me academically, but it also gave me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese with my own eyes

Does it makes sense?

#3

"these difficulties" refer to "doing business in China is not as easy as it may seem"

thank u again!!!!
Hi Luca,
This experience was not only important for me academically, but it also gave me a great opportunity to understand China and Chinese with my own eyes.


Yes, it makes sense. But it sounds better

This experience was not only important for me academically, but it also gave me a great opportunity to understand China and its people with my own eyes.

I know you mean "Chinese" means "Chinese people". Chinese can either be a noun or an adjective.

China and Chinese seems like you are being repetitive. China and its people or China and her people sounds better to me.

Good luck.

MountainHiker
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