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Hello! I am applying for a Master´s Degree in Culture, Communication and Globalization, and need help with my motivation letter.

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Kalina, did you copy and paste your document into MS Word and check the grammar statistics?

When I read your letter, it sounded verbose. That is, it used a lot of words to say a little. When I saw the grammar stats, the grade level is 16.2 and reading ease is a low score. That's not good.

Moreover, parts of your letter are somewhat vague or obtuse or both.

In our rapidly globalizing era, and in the increasingly multicultural world, there is greater and greater emphasis on skills in the area of contemporary international migration flows, as well as in the area of currently emerging social cohesion strategies and processes.

Can anyone understand that sentence? Could a random five people provide the same interpretation? I didn't think so either.

As a result, I have acquired numerous transferable skills vital to working effectively in a wide range of multicultural contexts. They include ability to: analyze information from multiple perspectives, define and resolve problems in the context of cultural differences, demonstrate excellent verbal, written and organizational skills.

By the way, the colon should be removed. More importantly, however, you never demonstrated any of your transferable skills. Whenever you tell someone about your strengths, always, always, always demonstrate them through your actions. Otherwise, they are just empty words.

After a reading your letter, a person is bound to ask: With all these wonderful strengths, experiences, and worldly outlooks, what has she accomplished?

Please ensure that you have spaces between your paragraphs. Otherwise it is too hard to read. My guess is that you pasted your letter into the text box. After you pasted your letter, the spaces were removed. To solve this issue, please do the following:

1) When you begin a new post, type "blah" into an open text box.

2) Then paste your letter.

3) Go back and delete "blah."

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterUniversityAbhinav-Gaur13/xqjzg/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/prrwb/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/xqdwq/post.htm
Thank you for your advises. Hope this time I have done it better.

To whom it may concern:

I would like to apply for the Master Programme in Culture, Communication and Globalization at your university for the academic year 2011-2012. To further my career aspirations of working in the field of international migration, I believe that the necessary, most logical way to assure me of success in this area is to earn a Master’s Degree in Culture, Communication and Globalization. In our rapidly globalizing era, and in the increasingly multicultural world, there is greater and greater emphasis on skills in the area of international migration and ethnic relations. Thus, I think that this master programme will provide me strong theoretical background in Migration Studies, and will help me to prepare personally and professionally for the complexity of a multicultural world.

I have gained my Bachelor degree in Preschool Pedagogy with Foreign Language (English) with honors from Sofia University, considered as the most prestigious educational and scientific centre in Bulgaria. I had routinely ranked in the top 10% of her class, and was consistently one of the top students in each of my individual courses. Given the interdisciplinary character of Pedagogy as a science, I came to understand how distinct disciplines look at the world from different vantage points, using different methodologies and different kinds of answers, reasons, or evidence. Moreover, during my internship, I had the opportunity to interact with children from different ethnical groups. Thus, I gained experience in working in specific educational contexts and developing different models of integration for the minority students.

I consider my work background one of my greatest advantages. I am used to working in multicultural environments since I have graduated from the university. My affinity to foreign languages and cultures was a guiding light in my job aspirations. I speak fluently three languages: Bulgarian (mother tongue), English and Spanish, and have basic knowledge in Italian. In my current position as a receptionist, I have to communicate with different people from different cultures. Thus, I have gained valuable experience in operating effectively and appropriately in cross-cultural settings. Moreover, working in a foreign country has given me the opportunity to fully integrate to a new way of life and evolve the ability to adapt and understand the specific needs of people in similar situations. Furthermore, I have acquired numerous transferable skills vital to working effectively in a wide range of multicultural contexts such as ability to analyze information from multiple perspectives, define and resolve problems in the context of cultural differences, demonstrate excellent verbal, written and organizational skills.

Given my international background and interdisciplinary education, I am confident that I will add more diversity and enthusiasm to your programme. Moreover, I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills, as well as my work experience. Therefore, I am deeply convinced that the courses of this programme match perfectly with my professional and personal projects and academic expectations.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future regarding the success of my application.

Sincerely,

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Kalina, much, much better. I will provide more comments later today when I have time. These comments will provide additional focus and conciseness.
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Kalina, I wrote a lengthy response and forum ate my message. I will try again.
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Okay, let's try this again.


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I would like to apply to for the Master Programme in Culture, Communication and Globalization at your university for the academic year 2011-2012. To further my career aspirations of working in the field of international migration, I believe that the necessary, most logical way to assure me of success in this area is to earn a Master’s Degree in Culture, Communication and Globalization. In our rapidly globalizing era, and in the increasingly multicultural world, there is greater and greater emphasis on skills in the area of international migration and ethnic relations. Thus, I think that this master programme will provide me strong theoretical background in Migration Studies, and will help me to prepare personally and professionally for the complexity of a multicultural world.

You apply to a programme. You might need to apply for a scholarship.

Obviously, you believe the education would be beneficial. Otherwise, you wouldn't spend the time and money to get more education. But what you haven't said, which is most important, is how you plan to use your knowledge. Once you graduate, you plan to do what?

I have gained my Bachelor degree in Preschool Pedagogy with Foreign Language (English) with honors from Sofia University, considered as the most prestigious educational and scientific centre in Bulgaria. I had routinely ranked in the top 10% of my her classes, and was consistently one of the top students in each of my individual courses. Given the interdisciplinary character of Pedagogy as a science, I learned came to understand how distinct disciplines look at the world from different vantage points, using different methodologies and different kinds of answers, reasons, or evidence.(blanked out stuff doesn't tell me anything.) Moreover, during my internship, I had the opportunity to teach/work with interact with children from different ethnical groups. Thus, I gained experience in working in specific educational contexts and developing different models of integration for the minority students.

Buzz words don't impress. In reality, they slow and frustrate the reader. Your goal is to convey as much meaningful information in as few words as possible. In other words, you want to be concise and elegant.

I consider my My work experience is my greatest asset. background one of my greatest advantages. Since I have graduated from the university, I have have worked in multicultural environments. am used to working in multicultural environments since I have graduated from the university. My affinity to foreign languages and cultures was a guiding light in my job aspirations. Because I speak fluently three languages--Bulgarian (mother tongue native language), English and Spanish, and have basic knowledge in Italian, I deliberately chose an international role. In my current position as a receptionist, I have to communicate with different people from different cultures. Thus, I have gained valuable experience in operating effectively and appropriately in cross-cultural settings. Moreover, working in a foreign country has given me the opportunity to fully integrate to a new way of life and evolve the ability to adapt and understand the specific needs of people in similar situations. Furthermore, I have acquired numerous transferable skills vital to working effectively in a wide range of multicultural contexts such as ability to analyze information from multiple perspectives, define and resolve problems in the context of cultural differences, demonstrate excellent verbal, written and organizational skills.

I want to see your condense all that information to make it easier for the reader. How's how I might start that sentence.

Moreover, working in a foreign country has taught me (what?). You want your sentences to be an active voice. That is, your experience taught you X. As opposed to, your experience has given you the opportunity to learn. See how wordy that becomes. Be straightforward and direct.

Try to remove the clutter. The buzz words and fancy phrases literally sap the energy and excitement from your letter. Instead, be focused. Tell the reader exactly what you want him or her to understand.

I get the impression your bright and ambitious. Let's make this letter show your strengths in more forceful manner.

I look forward to your next version.
Hi Mountain Hiker! In this version of my motivation letter I have tried to make it more personal and easier to read, following your pieces of advice. I feel that during the writing process I have learned to express myself more concisely, and I hope to keep on making progress with my letter. Thank you in advance for helping me.

Dear Sir or Madam:
I would like to apply to the Master in Culture, Communication and Globalization at XXX University for the academic year 2011 - 2012. My career ambition is to become an executive with a major international organization dealing with problems of people from different cultural and ethnic background.

I have always been interested in the issues related to migration and ethnic relations. Bulgaria is a good example of an optimal balance between various minority groups - Armenians, Gypsies, Jews, Turkish (in 1916 our country welcomed tens of thousands Armenians escaping from genocide; in 1943 we saved our Jews from inevitable Holocaust).

I earned my Bachelor degree in Preschool Pedagogy with Foreign Language (English) with honors from Sofia University, considered as the most prestigious educational and scientific centre in Bulgaria. During my internship, I taught and worked with minority students. Through my interaction with them, I strengthened my ability to understand ethnic diversities, organize and prioritize activities and, perhaps most importantly, resolve differences and conflicts as a result of cultural misunderstanding. I learned to appreciate how different people who are well intentioned and who rely upon their local customs can misinterpret another's communication and intent.

In order to enrich my personal development, I decided to go to work in Spain, which in the recent decades has become a desired destination for most of the migratory Bulgarian population. I had to integrate into a new society, new way of life that developed my ability to adapt and understand the specific needs of people in similar situations.

My ability to learn and adapt is my greatest asset. Since I have graduated from the university, I have worked in multicultural environments. Because I speak fluently three languages - Bulgarian (native language), English and Spanish, and have basic knowledge in Italian, I deliberately chose an international role. In my current position as receptionist, I communicate with a great variety of people from different cultures. Thus, I have gained valuable experience in operating effectively and appropriately in cross-cultural settings. Moreover, working in a foreign country has taught me to overcome my insecurities and become more confident.

Given my international background, life experience and interdisciplinary education, I am sure that I will add more diversity and enthusiasm to your programme. Moreover, I hope to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills, as well as my proficiency in real work.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to receiving your acceptance of my application.
Sincerely,