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This is my motivation letter for Erasmus programme. I have read a lot of materials and advices here, but I'm not a native English and it's also my first motivation letter.

So, please, look through my letter and check any grammar mistakes or some things that don't sound good in English. I'll be thankfull for all your comments.

MOTIVATION LETTER

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Galina ABC and I’m on the first year of the post-graduate course on the Faculty of Sociology of the Russian State University for the Humanities. I apply for the Erasmus Triple I program for research activity in Pultusk Academy of Humanities as the staff applicant.

I have been occupied with different scientific problems since my first student’s year. In different years subjects of my research have been concerned with the peculiarities of the modern Russian sociological journals (2006), problems of the internal tourism in Russia (2007), features of the large family as a primary socialization institute (2008).

Since 2008 I have been studying the concept of democracy and its values, in particular problems of democracy and its understanding in Russia. My thesis title was “Cognitive Opportunities of the Transition Theory in the Political Processes analysis in the Modern Russia” (2010). It was also based on the data collected during my own empirical research, that included the survey of 439 respondents and its analysis in SPSS.

All these years of my student’s and researching activity I have participated in the working of the different sociological conferences and have appeared on them: including “Our Sociology (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow) in 2008, XVI International students, postgraduates and young scientists conference “Lomonosov” (Lomonosov Moscow State University, Moscow) and “Our Sociology” (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow,) in 2009, XVII International students, postgraduates and young scientists conference “Lomonosov” (Lomonosov Moscow State University, Moscow) and “Our Sociology” (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow) in 2010. In these years I have made 5 publications and you may acquaint with the list of them in my CV.

My present research is also concerned with the problems of democracy, in particular with the truth in the country on different levels – interpersonal and institutional. It is not only about Russian situation, but I also analyze the data collected in other countries. But here, in Russia, it is very difficult to know the theoretical aspects and empirical results of the international research on this subject.

In particular I would like to acquaint with the results of the international collaborative research program on the processes of democratization at the local level “Democracy and Local Governance”. Its empirical base is over 750 cities and communes in 25 countries with over 13,000 local leaders interviewed. Moreover two waves of survey (1991-1994, 1995-1997) were also took part in Russia. This research is devoted to the beliefs, values, and behavior of local political leaders, elected, appointed and party. Russian collected data is in the Poland now, in Pultusk Academy of Humanities. It was also found lately that Russian data base is not absolutely relevant to the other data. It needs the careful verification and adjustment with the methodology used during the research in the all other countries. Obtained during this analyze information will be very useful for my present research. And also I would like to participate in the renewal of the tools of this research for its new wave.

Moreover, I would like to visit some lectures about political and social studies in Pultusk Academy and to familiarize with the experience of the Polish researchers in this field. In particular I believe that my collaboration with Polish colleagues will help me to get more profound understanding of the political processes in the post-socialist countries.

Furthermore I know that Pultusk Academy requires knowledge of the Polish language. For several months I have been already studying it. So in the case of the positive decision on my apply, I wouldn’t run into language problems during the research activity in Pultusk Academy.

Yours faithfully,

Galina ABC
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Comments  
Hi Galina,

I have looked at your letter briefly. While there is room for improvement, it has a lot of strengths. I will look at it later today and provide more comments.

I trust you have read this following thread on motivational letters . If not, please do.

Mountainhiker
Here's a link that shows you a picture of your most used or prominent words. It is just food for thought. I will have more comments later.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Yes, I have read your thread, but it seems to me I'm not very objective now with my letter.

What about Flesch statistics of my letter, as I understood its readability is good.

Maybe if you indicate some weak spots of my letter, I wiil work with them again.
And what is the programme you use to analyse prominent words? I always have some problem with this in my writing.
Galina, I plan to give you more detailed feedback later today. Right now, I am busy with other activities.

But if you want some very high level comments to soak on, here are a few of my comments:

Likes:
  • I like that you provided specifics.
  • I like that you avoided vague, general language
    • Those two items (specifics and lack of vaguenss) make your letter strong.
Dislikes:
  • Too much talk about your prior activities. They will have your CV or resume to look at. You need to focus on material that is directly applicable to your application.
  • I don't know much about you. What motivates Galina? What are her passions? What are her ultimate ambitions? What are you strengths? What makes you laugh?
At this point, I am not too interested in the grammar and sentence structure. Overall, its good, though there is room for improvement. I am more interested in the "big picture" stuff. That is, get rid of the dislikes and continue with the likes.

You need to streamline your letter. Make it more concise. Eliminate stuff that is not directly applicable.

I hope that helps. Overall, you are on the right course.

Mountainhiker
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GalinaNAnd what is the programme you use to analyse prominent words? I always have some problem with this in my writing.
Wordle - Beautiful Cloud Words

That was more just for fun. Don't worry about too much, yet.
Mountainhiker, thank you for your current comments. Now I begin to understand the areas that need improvement.

I will be impatiently wait for your detailed feedback.
Dear Sir:

My name is Galina ABC and I’m on the first year of the post-graduate course on the Faculty of Sociology of the Russian State University for the Humanities. I am applying for the Erasmus Triple I program for research activity in Pultusk Academy of Humanities as the a staff applicant.

Now a short paragraph describing who you are. There is no need to give your name. They can see that at the top and bottom of your letter. Just describe who you are.

I have been occupied with different scientific problems since my first student’s year. In different years subjects of my research have been concerned with the peculiarities of the modern Russian sociological journals (2006), problems of the internal tourism in Russia (2007), features of the large family as a primary socialization institute (2008).

Since 2008 I have been studying the concept of democracy and its values, in particular problems of democracy and its understanding in Russia. My thesis title was “Cognitive Opportunities of the Transition Theory in the Political Processes analysis in the Modern Russia” (2010). It was also based on the data collected during my own empirical research, that included the survey of 439 respondents and its analysis in SPSS.


All these years of my student’s and researching activity I have participated in the working of the different sociological conferences and have appeared on them: including “Our Sociology (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow) in 2008, XVI International students, postgraduates and young scientists conference “Lomonosov” (Lomonosov Moscow State University, Moscow) and “Our Sociology” (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow,) in 2009, XVII International students, postgraduates and young scientists conference “Lomonosov” (Lomonosov Moscow State University, Moscow) and “Our Sociology” (Russian State University for the Humanities, Moscow) in 2010. In these years I have made 5 publications and you may acquaint with the list of them in my CV.


They have your CV and can see your courses, programs whatever. In this letter, you want to focus them on the very important parts of your story.

My present research is also concerned with the problems of democracy, in particular with the truth in the country on different levels – interpersonal and institutional. It is not only about Russian situation, but I also analyze the data collected in other countries. But here, in Russia, it is very difficult to know the theoretical aspects and empirical results of the international research on this subject. I am not sure what you are attempting to say here. Truth in the country on different levels -- interpersonal and institutional. I have no clue what you mean here. You need to provide some guidance.

In particular I would like to acquaint with the results of the international collaborative research program on the processes of democratization at the local level “Democracy and Local Governance”. Its empirical base is over 750 cities and communes (communities?) in 25 countries with over 13,000 local leaders interviewed. Moreover two waves of survey (1991-1994, 1995-1997) were also took part in Russia. This research is devoted to the beliefs, values, and behavior of local political leaders, elected, appointed and party. Russian collected data is in the Poland now, in Pultusk Academy of Humanities. (Again, you need to educate the reader in a brief amount of space what you are attempting to accomplish.) It was also found lately that Russian data base is not absolutely relevant to the other data. It needs the careful verification and adjustment with the methodology used during the research in the all other countries. Obtained during this analyze information will be very useful for my present research. And also I would like to participate in the renewal of the tools of this research for its new wave. (I don't think you need this level of detail about databases etc. So you can likely delete this last portion.)

Moreover, I would like to visit some lectures about political and social studies in Pultusk Academy and to familiarize with the experience of the Polish researchers in this field. In particular I believe that my collaboration with Polish colleagues will help me to get more profound understanding of the political processes in the post-socialist countries. (Vague. When I put this through my translation machine, it says, she wants to attend your university.)

Furthermore I know that Pultusk Academy requires knowledge of the Polish language. For several months I have been already studying it. So in the case of the positive decision on my apply, I wouldn’t run into language problems during the research activity in Pultusk Academy.

This last paragraph sounds like learning Polish is a burden. I would write it differently.

I thrive on intellectual challenges of all sorts, including languages. For example, during the past several months, I have been studying Polish. I am now at a conversational level and am confident that I will be proficient in Polish when attending the Pultusk Academy.

It says the same thing, just more positively.

Yours faithfully,
Galina ABC

Putting aside your letter for a moment, tell me in plain simple language what are studying and researching. I have no clue what "truth in the country on different levels – interpersonal and institutional" means.

What are you trying to acccomplish? How will you measure it? How will you use it?

Now, getting back to your letter, you need to tell the reader about you. While your research might be interesting, they need to know about Galina.
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