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Hallo, here is my motivation letter for a master application in International Affairs.
I ve read a lot of motivation letters posted here and tried to avoid the usual mistakes (not concrete enought, no proves, etc). Of course I cannot really value my work anymore, though I read it 20.000 times.Im also not sure If my text is grammatically correct. I would appreciate to read somebody the letter and to write me his/her objective impressions. Thanks a lot, Diana
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Dear Sir or Madame,
My Name is Diana Mxxxx. I graduated as Bachelor of Arts in International Business for European Management at the Cologne Business School - European University of Applied Sciences in 2008. During my studies I focused on European Law and Politics, Global Governance and Financial Markets. After a one year period of practical working experience in the monetary market I plan to continue my studies at the University at........ in International Relations. My focus is on ... ... ... . (depends on the programm).
The global governance structure concerned me since I started to understand that it exists. During my A Levels I already began to develop high interest in economics and politics. With my studies in International Business I did the first step into global profession. It became my goal to understand these structures in detail and become a specialist on the field of international relations, monetary structures, financial aid and sustainable development.
My personal and professional intent implements research and analysis on the field of financial funding in order to give qualified advises for the upcoming challenges. I figure to work for the KfW, German Department for Foreign Affairs, European Bank for Reconstruction and Development and other fund related governmental institutions.

I was born in Riga, Latvia. My father studied at The Peoples' Friendship University of Russia (former Patrice-Lumumba-University). He was send by the soviet ministry of aviation from Dominican Republic to Moscow. My mother studied at the Leninkomsomol Rotbanner Institute for engineering and civil aviation. After a 3 years period living in the Dominican Republic, I entered with my family the Federal Republic of Germany in 1989. In Berlin I rose up trilingual (German, Russian and Spanish).
2005 I began my English-speaking studies in International Business at Cologne. Currently I am learning French to round of my language skills. I started my professional education in International Business, in order to get the basic understanding of economic actions from the scratch. In the second and third year I specialized on European economical and political topics, where I gained highly strong results especially in International Trade & Finance, EU Law & Institutions, Investment Banking and EU Policies. During my Bachelor´s Thesis I continued concentrating primarily on the governmental aspect and developed a framework that explains the role of transnational Businesses within the Global Governance environment. The topic of my BT is: "Global Governance as Business Strategy - The Case of Gazprom ".
After graduation in 2008, I participated in an 8-month internship program in the field of Investment Banking and Financial Trade at HSBC INKA in Duesseldorf. I learned how global financial markets work in practice and how corporations, but also governments use financial tools in order to regulate monetary means. Besides I gained deeper knowledge in financial assets, foreign exchange rates, trading floors, how political actions influence the capital markets and the organizational mechanisms. In every day contact with trading floors, brokers, custodian banks and my team members I trained and developed professional, communication, social and language skills.

My future goal is it to work in the public sector within Germany and abroad serving the European community. My focus lies primarily on international monetary funding, financial aid and development of already developed and not well developed regions and states, companies with sustainable approach and also non-governmental organizations that work on sustainability and reshaping of old fashioned frameworks in energy supply and infrastructure. Concrete I am seeking for a leading position within the KfW (Research and Projectfunding ) and/or the Bundesbank (International Relations). The German Council of Foreign Affairs -Auswärtiges Amt is mainly interesting. Abroad Germany the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development - as well as the whole EU Body itself - has my fullest attention.
Besides it is important to me to reach the population, especially the youth in order to strengthen the global consciousness. I wish to pass my knowledge using simple understand means such as journals, documentations and other publications. In my opinion International Affairs, Policies and Regulations on Regional Security, Sustainable Development, Food Regulations, World Economy and the Monetary Systems are one of the most important and significant topics in our days. They have direct impact on each of us and concern us every single day, wherever we are located. Therefore everybody should have at least the option of impartial access.
Comments  
Hi,

I think your letter is too complicating and unclear.You should make it clear and more concise.

Greetings

Basak

The letter is very vague and contains a number of irrelevant points. For instance, the education of your father, which can be reffered as personal information rather than valuable quality of an applicant.
Furthermore, the letter would benefit from using synonyms.
good luck