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Version 4.0

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Dear Ms Severidt,

With this letter, I would like to apply for the * Program at the University of * in the autumn semester of the academic year 2011-2012. I am a third year Landscape Architecture student at the University of * in the Netherlands, next year I will graduate for my bachelor’s degree but before starting my bachelor thesis I would love to study abroad for a semester.

There are several reasons for my interest in studying abroad. First of all in my study Landscape Architecture we mainly focus on the Dutch landscape and environment. I would like to broaden my knowledge and view about the natural, physical and social aspects of landscapes, and focus on the Northern climate and the impact of global change on the Arctic Region. I was looking for courses in English and the International courses at the your University appears to be a great opportunity for me to specialize in the Arctic Region.

Secondly ever since I was young I have been interested in Scandinavia and the Arctic Region. When I was traveling through Scandinavia last summer the Finnish culture and nature really appealed to me because it seems to be so different from the Netherlands and the humans, plants and animals have adapted to such a harsh environment. So far I have only experienced summer in the North, but I would love to experience the intriguing winter, see how the landscape adapts, and see a glimpse of the Aurora Borealis.

Thirdly the University of * appealed to me because it is the northernmost University in the European Union, and it is relatively small. I believe this makes the contact with professors and students personal, and I place high value on that. So far I have worked on several design projects anticipating on global change and the expected sea level rising and changes in river flows. I am very interested in the educational approach of the University of Lapland in general. But especially also in the scientific approach concerning global change.

Furthermore it would be a unique experience to live in another country. Be in a different natural, cultural and social environment, and to meet new people with different backgrounds who all have their own perspective on things.

I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Flova

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I am nog sure how to make my letter stronger. I discussed it with my supervisor and he said that I should not make it to long.

How can I make it even better?

Thanks
Dear Ms Severidt, (In North America, it's a colon for business)

With this letter, I would like to apply for the * Program at the University of * in the autumn semester of the academic year 2011-2012. I am a third year Landscape Architecture student at the University of * in the Netherlands, next year (compound sentence) I will graduate for my bachelor’s degree but before starting my bachelor thesis I would love to study abroad for a semester.

I would like to apply for the English Program at the University of EnglishForward in the autumn semester of the academic year 2011-2012. I am a third year Landscape Architecture student at the University of * in the Netherlands. Before I graduate with my bachelor's degree, I would love to study abroad for one semester.

There are several reasons for my interest in studying abroad. First of all in my study At my university, in Landscape Architecture we mainly focus on the Dutch landscape and environment. I would like to broaden my knowledge and view about the natural, physical and social aspects of landscapes, and as well as focus on the Northern climate and the impact of global change on the Arctic Region. Furthermore, I was looking for courses in English and the your international International courses at the your University appears to be a great opportunity because they are taught in English and they allow me for me to specialize in the Arctic Region.

Secondly ever since Since I was young I have been interested in Scandinavia and the Arctic Region. When I was traveling through Scandinavia last summer the Finnish culture and nature really appealed to me because it seems to be so different from the Netherlands and everything, including poeople the humans, plants and animals have adapted to such a challenging harsh environment. So far I have only experienced summer in the North, but I would love to experience the intriguing winter, see how the landscape adapts, and see a glimpse of the Aurora Borealis. (Having lived in Northern Canada, the Aurora Borealis are amazing. You'll enjoy seeing them.)

Thirdly the University of * appeals appealedto me because it is the northernmost University in the European Union, and it provides something (a good environment for interaction, whatever...saying it is small seems that it is insignificant) it is relatively small. I believe this makes the contact with professors and students personal, and I place high value on that. So far I have worked on several design projects anticipating on global change and the expected sea level rising and changes in river flows. I am very interested in the educational approach of the University of Lapland in general. But I am especially interested also in the scientific approach concerning global change.

Furthermore it would be a unique experience to live in another country. Be in a different natural, cultural and social environment, and to meet new people with different backgrounds who all have their own perspective on things. (You need to rewrite this last paragraph. Of course it would be different living north. Same something different.

Given my long term desire to experience life in a northern location and my passion for architecture, I am confident that I add enthusiasm and insights to your class discussions, gain new life long (one or two words? you have check) friends, and grow and learn personally and professionally.

Something like that. You have reword it to make it your own.

I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Flova
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
What about version 5.0

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24 April, 2011

Dear Ms *,

With this letter, I would like to apply for the Arctic Studies Program at the University of * in the autumn semester of the academic year 2011-2012. I am a third year Landscape Architecture student at the University of * in the Netherlands. Before I graduate with my bachelor’s degree, I would love to study abroad for one semester.

At my University, in Landscape Architecture we mainly focus on the Dutch landscape and environment. I would like to broaden my knowledge and view about the natural, physical and social aspects of landscapes as well as focus on the Northern climate and the impact of global change on the Arctic Region. Furthermore, your international courses appear to be a great opportunity for me because they are taught in English and they allow me to specialize in the Arctic Region.

Since I was young I have been interested in Scandinavia and the Arctic Region. When I was traveling through Scandinavia last summer the Finnish culture and nature really appealed to me because it seems to be so different from the Netherlands and everything, including people, plants and animals have adapted to such a challenging environment. So far I have only experienced summer in the North, but I would love to experience the intriguing winter, see how the landscape adapts, and see the Aurora Borealis.

The University of * appeals to me because it is the northernmost University in the European Union, and it provides a good environment for interaction. I believe this makes the contact with professors and students more personal. So far I have worked on several design projects anticipating on global change, and the expected seal lever rising, and changes in river flows. I am very interested in the educational approach of the University of Lapland in general, and I am especially interested in the scientific approach concerning global change.

Given my long term desire to experience life in a northern location and my passion for the natural, cultural and social aspects of the northern environment and especially the interactions between these aspects, I am confident that I add enthusiasm and insight to your class discussions, gain new lifelong friends, and grow and learn personally and professionally.

I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Flova

...

Thank you!
It's probably good enough.

>>So far I have only experienced summer in the North, but I would love to experience the intriguing winter, see how the landscape adapts, and see the Aurora Borealis.

I don't like "but" in my letter. It's too abrupt. I like everything flowing in one direction, unless I am deliberately aiming for an abrupt change.

And you use "love" frequently in your letter. For formal communication, "love" is often never used, and if used, only rarely.

While/because I have enjoyed my summer experience in the north (think it is lower case), I am anxious/excited to experience the winter months, where landscapes adapt to the freezing temperatures blah blah blah.

Make whatever changes you like, and then you're done.

Good luck.