Hi,

I want to do an exchange and study there for 1 years.
So I have to write a letter of motivation.
I already started it, but I need some help, to correct this (I think there will be many things wrong Emotion: sad )

Here is what I wrote already:

Letter of motivation

Dear Prof. ***,

I am writing to apply for the students exchange to the University of ***.

Passing my Vordiplom (***) with *** (Grade: ***), I am now studying in the xth semester at the Technische Universität ***.
I want extend my knowledge in Fluid Dynamics, Aircraft Engines and Numerical Simulations and I would really enjoy to do a student research project in this subjects.
This is why this exchange would be perfect for my future studies.

I am hard working and additionally I’m a very sociable person. I’m in the management board of our youth-club *** since 2 years. I like to meet with other people and I’m energetic and productive doing things with them.
(Unaffected the study is really more important)

THX for all help...
1 2
Hi,

I don't fully understand what you are trying to do.



Dear Prof. ***: [colon]

I am writing to apply for the student exchange [program at] the University of ***.

Passing my Vordiplom (***) with *** (Grade: ***), I am now studying in the xth semester at the Technische Universität ***. I want extend my knowledge in fluid dynamics, aircraft engines and numerical simulations and I would really enjoy [doing] a student research project in [one of these] subjects. This is why this [student exchange program is] perfect for my future studies.

I am hard working and a very sociable person. Moreover, I have been on the management board of our youth-club *** for 2 years. I fixed your prior sentence. [I like to meet with other people and I’m energetic and productive doing things with them.
(Unaffected the study is really more important)--clutter, not necessary]




MountainHiker
Hi,

first thx for your corrections so farEmotion: smile

I try to write a letter of motivation for an student exanche to the USA.
The text, you corrected, was just the first part of my letter.
I have to finish it now and then I will post it here for more corrections.

I thought that a letter of motivation should be strcturized like:

- What I want (the exchange)
- The state of my study (7th semester)
- About me and my attributes (perhaps special activities)
- Why I want to go there (e.g. culture)
- Ending sentence

or is this wrong ? I never wrote a letter of motivation before, so please help meEmotion: smile

Greetings Toby
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Hi,

I now "finished" my LoM and hope u can help me to correct it, make it better and perhaps distend it.
Is there anything I forgot ? or something I could still mention eg. computer experiences and cad systems ? and in which row ?

Here it is :

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Letter of motivation

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the student exchange program at the University of ***.

Passing my Vordiplom (***) with satisfactory (Grade: 2.9), I am successfully studying in the 7th semester at the Technische Universität ***.
I want extend my knowledge in fluid dynamics, aircraft engines and numerical simulations and I would really enjoy doing a student research project in one of these subjects.

A qualification from a US University is very prestigious, as standards are high at all levels. These qualifications are recognised worldwide, and US courses encourage independence, creativity and self-reliance and match perfectly to my affection for challenges in combination with ambition.
Furthermore, I am confident that this exchange at the University of *** will help me gain experience, knowledge and contacts that would allow me to become much better in the fields I mentioned above.
This is why this student exchange program is perfect for my future studies.

Additionally I am a very sociable person. I’m an active member of our soccer club, moreover, I have been on the management board of our youth-club (***) for 2 years organizing our club rooms and events up to 1500 guests.
Thus I hope to meet many people from all over the world to get to know more about their countries and cultures and make new friends.

I have never been in the United States, but this is one of my biggest dreams. I’m very interested in their culture with its high numbers of variations and I want to discover the “American way of life”. Of course I’m fond of their language, too. Therefore I visited as many english courses as possible.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thx for your help,

Greetings Toby
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the student exchange program at the University of ***.

Passing my Vordiplom (***) with satisfactory grade of 2.9 out of 4, I am studying in the 7th semester at the Technische Universität ***. [You might want to mention that you want to seize this opportunity to study abroad and increase not only your technical knowledge but also your personal knowledge. You want to learn more about different cultures.]

I want learn more about fluid dynamics, aircraft engines and numerical simulations by doing a student research project in one of these subjects at *** US University. [Use this as the opening to your next paragraph. Tell them more about what you want to accomplish and why their university is special.]

A qualification from a US University is very prestigious, as standards are high at all levels. These qualifications are recognised worldwide, and US courses encourage independence, creativity and self-reliance and match perfectly to my affection for challenges in combination with ambition. Furthermore, I am confident that this exchange at the University of *** will help me gain experience, knowledge and contacts that would allow me to become much better in the fields I mentioned above. This is why this student exchange program is perfect for my future studies. [You need to think of a better paragraph.]

Additionally I am a very sociable person. I am an active member of our soccer club. Moreover, I have been on the management board of our youth-club (***) for 2 years organizing our club rooms and events up to 1500 guests. Thus I hope to meet many people from all over the world to get to know more about their countries and cultures and make new friends. [You are going to be surrounded by mostly Americans. I would "tone down" this paragraph.]

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely,
Hi, here is my next try:

Letter of motivation

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the student exchange program at the University of ***.

Having passed my “Vordiplom” in Mechanical Engineering successfully (Grade: ***), I am now in the 7th semester of my studies at the ***.

To extend my knowledge in fluid dynamics, aircraft engines and numerical simulations I would thoroughly enjoy working on a student research project on one of these topics.

A qualification from a US University is very prestigious, as standards are high at all levels. These qualifications are recognised worldwide, and US courses encourage independence, creativity and self-reliance therefore they match perfectly with my affection for challenges in combination with ambition.
Furthermore, I am confident that this exchange at the University of *** will help me gain experience, knowledge and contacts that would allow me to become much better in the fields I have mentioned above.
This is why this student exchange program would be perfect for my future studies.

As for my personal features, I am recognised to be a very sociable human being. I’m an active member of our soccer club; moreover, I have been on the management board of our youth-club (***) for 2 years. There I was responsible to oversee the activities in our club rooms and organizing events for up to 1500 guests.

It is my aim to meet many different people from all over the world and get to know more about their countries and cultures and to make new friends.

I have never been to the United States, but it is my biggest dream. I’m very interested in the country’s culture with its numerous variations and I would like to discover the “American way of life” while studying there. This will no doubt enable me to work successfully on international projects with my counter parts in the future. To get well prepared for this exchange program, I attended as many English courses as possible.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,
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canedha,

Some of the suggestions I have given have been reversed.

Overall, I find your letter somewhat wordy and chaotic.

Wordy: "It is my aim to meet many different people...." (passive and wordy)
Propper: I want to meet many different people..." (active and direct)

Chaotic:
1) I am writing to apply for the student exchange program at the University of ***.
2) To extend my knowledge in fluid dynamics, aircraft engines and numerical simulations I would thoroughly enjoy working on a student research project on one of these topics.
3) It is my aim to meet many different people from all over the world and get to know more about their countries and cultures and to make new friends.
4) I have never been to the United States, but it is my biggest dream.

You have your desires and dreams scattered throughout your letter. You give the impression that your primary motivation is to be in US and learning more about mechanical engineering is a side benefit.

Good luck.

MountainHiker
Hi,

I know what you mean, but somehow it's impossible for me to put it into sentences.
It was not my intention to reverse your suggestions.
Sorry if it looks like that.

Could you help me to get my text more structurized?
or could give hints for good and new sentences ?
I dont want you to write my letter, but as you can see I need help and tried already hard.

Greetings Toby
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the student exchange program at the University of ***.

Having passed my “Vordiplom” in Mechanical Engineering successfully with a grade of 2.9 out of 4, I am now in the 7th semester of my studies at the ***. I am looking forward to learning more about fluid dynamics, aircraft engines, and numerical simulations. My goal is to complete a research project on one of these topics while participating in the student exchange programs. [see if you can strengthen this paragraph]

Learning at an American university is very important to me. I am eager to experience the creativity, independence, and energy that Americans put forward into their studies and work. I am confident that I will not only important academic matters but also learn about how to approach engineering from a different perspective. Moreover, American training is highly prized in all regions of the world. I don't like this either, but see if you can think of something else

On my personal side, I enjoy new challenges and working with people. I am an active member of our soccer club and I have been on the management board of our youth-club (***) for 2 years. I was responsible for the activities in our club room and organizing events for up to 1500 guests. [see if you can strengthen this paragraph]

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Keep the junk to a minimum. Do not prattle on and on about America is the greatest. Do as I have done in the third paragraph. America's importance is stated, but we don't go overboard with it.

Hope this helps.

MountainHiker
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