I need to write a motivation letter for my application to MSc Finance and related programs, I am at the beginning of the process and I would like to write an unusual but nice letter.

I have an idea but I don't know how it would be, so I wanted to ask you guys. What if I tell them about my life and tell them what the certain experiences brought me and affected me to be interested in Finance? And in the paragraphs I can have a certain concepts.. Like Quick thinker.. Ambitious.. or diversity.. etc

For instance, "I worked in a grocery shop when I was 5 and I was able to make all the calculations about money and learned how to read and write even before I started going to school, I believe this was the starting point of my interest in finance and moreover, it helped me a lot to improve my quick thinking skills as I needed to make calculations from my mind for the customers and tell them how much they needed to pay"

I just wrote this now without even thinking to make my point. The basic format is "I did bla bla, and it provided me the skill of blabla and this skill is very important for a finance guy.. blabla" and it goes in a chronocial order.

How does that sound? Well I have never seen a motivation letter yet, so I have no idea. I wanted to write my own, before I see examples, so I am not affected. If mine really sucks, then I will look at others.. lol

Thanks a lot.
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You might wish to view this thread:

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

Regarding an unusual letter, I personally like unusual letters. But most don't.

If you writing something different, only a few will really like it. For me, that's okay.

It is sort of like having a creative resume. Some will just hate it. They prefer to see standard boring resume. Others will recognized its brilliance. And those are the companies you want to work for anyway.

So it has risks attached. Before writing something different and unexpected, make sure you know and appreciate the risks.
Thank you very much for your input. The thing is, I have a very low GPA (2.43) and relatively good scores from the tests (GMAT:710, TOEFL:103). So I need something different to take their attention.

"Diversity" could be the key in this, as I have BS&MS degree in Teaching Math. I know Math, I know Education, I know how to teach. I worked as a teacher, tutor, photographer, I am Turkish, I grew up as Muslim. Not all applicants have these skills, most of them will be only finance or economics undergrad. I don't know, this is just a thought. What do you think about this?

And I am taking a look at that link, it looks like I should probably go for a usual letter.
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Forgot to add, I currently work in a bank as an assistant supervisor in the Commercial Credits Allocation department.

I think drawing an outline is the most important thing, writing is easy. That is why I am not attempting to write until I have a clear outline. I saw the template you provided in the link, looks pretty simple but effective.

PS: I can definitely beat that girl and finish my letter in 3 days with more than 17 editing, but could you bear with me? Emotion: smile
The low GPA is a hurdle, but not an impossible hurdle.

You are going to need to focus on exceptional other attributes. Simply possessing other attributes (I am smart, creative, handsome, kind, generous, and muscular) won't cut it.

Instead, you're going need to show how you applied your skills. What difference did you make? How have your improve your life and the lives of those around you?

While I admire you competitive spirit, the girl created an exceptional letter. Many of the later tweaks (versions) were just extreme fine tunings. She's exceptionally smart and demanding of herself. Moreover, she remains a friend today.

I look forward to reading your versions. Good luck.
The first draft, here I go. I wrote this at work, and it is far from being even okay, but it is a start. I hope with the input of you (meaning all of you, in addition to Mountain Hiker), it will get even better.

I wanted to add information about that I was working all the time during my first years in the college, which is why my GPA is low, but I didn't know how to phrase that. And in my last year, I wasn't working, I passed 21 classes in one year. (normally one year load = 10-11 classes)..

Thank you.

---------------------------

Dear Sir/Madam;

I am writing to express my interest in your Master program in International Finance. My career goal is to work in a reputable investment bank or in the treasury departments of an international bank.

In high school, I graduated with Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics as my majors. In 2003, I took the university entrance exam that everyone must take in Turkey and I was in the top 125 people among 1.6 million people. I was accepted to a very selective Integrated BS&MS program in Teaching Mathematics of Bogazici University. In the August of 2010, I graduated from the university and since August, I work as an assistant supervisor in the Commercial Loans Allocation department of Finansbank AS.

My interest in finance started when I was in High School because of my uncle. I remember watching the graphs of stock prices all day without getting bored even one bit. Due to the difficulties in career prospects in finance in Turkey, I haven’t applied any universities for studying finance after high school. However, during my years in the department of Education and Mathematics, I realized that I do not want to be a teacher. I worked in different sectors such as sales, marketing, teaching, web design and photography as an intern or part-time worker to see what I want to do with my career.

Eventually in the summer of 2009, I voluntarily started to work in the Credits department of Finansbank AS, a part of National Bank of Greece. That was the turning point in my future plans, as I felt very happy and comfortable with the job. I was the only intern to receive a full-time job offer among the four interns, even though all of the other interns were studying Economics or Finance in a university, and I was not.

I graduated from the university on the 18th of August and I was already employed on the 16th of August by Finansbank AS. Finansbank has one of the best training opportunities in banking sector in Turkey. I had two months in class training in finance, banking and communication, and one month internship in different departments of the bank to see how the things work. Since the beginning of November of 2010, I am evaluating the loan requests of the firms which come from the certain 18 branches of Finansbank in Turkey.

I want to study at University of Amsterdam because of your excellent teaching facilities and staff. Moreover, the curriculum of the MIF program is quite parallel to my ambitions as I want to gain a broader view in finance and to improve myself in investment banking, financial modeling and management. I spoke to a few people who studied in this particular program and the feedback that they gave me about the quality of education and career opportunities was more than satisfying.

The high living standards of Amsterdam and the fact that Amsterdam is one of the world’s leading financial centers are the two of many reasons of why I would like to study and live in Amsterdam. In addition to this, the fact that most people speak English in the Netherlands and the diversity that Amsterdam possesses are just two of the key factors that can make life easy for a newcomer.

Considering my ambition and background in Finance, I am confident that I can exceed your expectations. Furthermore, I believe that my knowledge and experience in Education, Mathematics and Sales will bring diversity and a different point of view to your class.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours
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The first draft, here I go. I wrote this at work, and it is far from being even okay, but it is a start. I hope with the input of you (meaning all of you, in addition to Mountain Hiker), it will get even better.
Given that you wrote a quick draft without much thought, I'll provide a quick response too without much thought: Let me know when you've given your best effort, and then I'll take a look. My time is much too scarce and too valuable to be wasting it on those who won't put their best effort forward.
oh no no, I think you misunderstood me, I have been thinking about it for more than a week, as you could see from my previous posts, I wrote that thing you quoted for the grammar mistakes if there is any (which in my opinion is very easy to fix in an essay). I was hoping you could help me with the structure and context.

And this IS my best effort for the context and structure so far, but with guidance I will do my best to improve it.

But if you don't have time for helping me, I would understand.
The first draft, here I go. I wrote this at work, and it is far from being even okay, but it is a start.

It is hard to misunderstand those sentences. Clear your mind and your desk, and write your letter at home when you have time to focus on it. Provide your best effort. If "your first draft, one that you wrote at work that is far from being okay, but is a start" is your best effort, then yes, I am too busy.
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