Hi everybody,

I have to write a letter of motivation for applying to a master program in business.
I read some good letters in this forum and tried my best to write a letter myself.
It woud be very helpful to get some feedback what you think about my text. It's the first draft and I know it's far from perfect. I hope to get some good advice.

Thanks a lot in advance,

Dear Sir or Madam,

I’m a German citizen and hereby apply for admission to study in the Master of XYZ program at .

In October 2008 I graduated from University with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration. My Bachelor-Thesis is about Affiliate-Marketing, an in strong growing sector of E-Commerce.

My future plan is to start a career in E-Commerce management in an internationally oriented company. The master program of your university is the best instrument to deepen my knowledge in the relevant fields of marketing and information technology and to succeed in achieving my goal. It furthermore provides the chance to study in an international environment which will be important for enhancing my intercultural competence and language skills.

Since I went to secondary school, I gained a high interest in business topics. Especially I was fascinated by the complexity and the diversity of this subject. I was impressed by the various possibilities which the study of business could offer and so I decided to study Business Administration. Because of my social background that step wasn’t straight forward at all. In my family there had never been a tradition to study at university. Unlike the majority of my fellow student’s parents, my parents and near relatives all did an apprenticeship after they left school. But I didn’t want to queue into that tradition. I had the desire to try something new and was highly deliberated.

When I started to study Business directly after graduating from secondary school, I recognized that this kind of education was difficult for me. The main problem was that I missed the practical reference to most of the theoretical models which were examined by the professors. After lots of deliberations with friends and previous teachers I came to the conclusion that I wanted to improve my practical commercial competence first and then get back to university to finish my study. As a consequence I started an apprenticeship at a global company XYZ.

During that time I took the chance to improve my personal skills. In a lot of discussions with colleagues and mentors I learned how to solve problems and develop solutions in a team. When I got the chance to work in the department of marketing I found out, that this was the kind of career I would aspire to after my apprenticeship. To research the market and develop products that meet the desires of the customers fascinated me from then on. I realized that I wanted to gain more knowledge in that field. Even though I got a job offer from my employer it wasn’t hard for me to go back to university.

Through my studies I deepened my knowledge in marketing theory. Because of my strength of purpose and a lot of discipline I was one of the few students who completed their studies after six semesters. I also got a member of the Dean’s List which means, that my achievements are among the top ten percent of all business students of the class of 2008 at my university. To stay up to date with the working world I kept on gathering work experience during my semester breaks.

The desire to do further study after graduating got stronger when I heard about the diverse possibilities to participate in a master program abroad. I think with its proven excellent teaching and outstanding international focus is the best option for me to develop personally and academically.
PLEASE, I need some help!..

Thanks a lot,
your motivation is a best Emotion: yes