hi

I am a master student. I want to apply a Phd position in European.

Because English is not my first language, so it's difficult for me to write a competely motivation letter.

please help me to revise my motivation letter. Thank you!

Dear professor×××

I am applying for the position of PhD in your program and enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of ××× University, which is one of the most famous university in China. And I have my bachelor’s degree in 2009 from 2005. My ultimate goal is to be a scientist.

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I have developed an dense interest in nature science, especially in biology. Due to the love that in the
college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. On one occasion, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory ×××Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my
freshman year.

This is a big chance for me. During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I have received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished lots
of laboratory skills, such as DNA, RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, RT-PCR, culture fruit fly, culture mosquito, bacterium culture, spread plate method and other experiments. During the undergraduate period, I took an active part in science and technology contest for college student and obtained encourage prize in province, first prize in collage. At the last term, I participate in one provincial subject and one colonel-level program. And I awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I became a master student after I graduated from×××University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to the solid foundation and accomplished laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´
dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, purification exopolysaccharide from ××× I got two exopolysaccharide, named EPS-1, EPS-2. I studied the immunomodulation and anticancer activities of EPS-1, EPS-2. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of the EPS-1, EPS-2 have anticancer activities. Then, I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experiment techniques I used included cell culture, molecular biology skills, mice anatomy and flow cytometry.

I always believe that do research like to be a person. It can teach you and shape your characteristic. Anyway, a number of abilities and characteristic of mine were learned from it. Such as, work independently, honest, mature, flexibility, high sense of responsibility, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative, good communication skills, good presentation skills, ect.

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program falls into my scope and attract me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my intellectual potential in academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours
1 2 3
Hi;

I have tried to make some suggestions for your letter, but it still needs a lot of polishing.

Regards,

A-Emotion: stars

Dear professor×××

I am applying for the position of PhD (PhD is not a position, it is a degree. You can apply to be enrolled in a degree program) in your program and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of ××× University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009 from 2005. My ultimate goal is to be a scientist. (There are many kinds of scientists. A PhD would be granted in a very specific field.)

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I have developed an dense intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. Due to the love that In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. --On one occasion,-- I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory ×××Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. (where I worked for ...)

This(what? Studying for a PhD?) is a big chance (opportunity?) for me. During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I have received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished lots of many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, RT-PCR, culture fruit fly, culture mosquito, bacterium culture (to deal with common species for experimentation such as Drosophila,... If you are a scientist, use scientific terms...) spread plate method and other experiments (experimental techniques). During the undergraduate period As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained encourage prize in province, first prize in collage. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one colonel-level program. And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I became a master student (I enrolled in a Master's degree program) after I graduated from×××University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to the solid foundation (my solid academic foundation) and accomplished (proficient) laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ××× I got (isolated?) two exopolysaccharides, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities-- of EPS-1, EPS-2--. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them --EPS-1, EPS-2-- have (showed?) anticancer activities. Then, I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental techniques I used included cell culture, molecular biology skills(a skill is not a technique), mice anatomy (not a technique) and flow cytometry.

I always believe that do research like to be a person(?). It can teach you and shape your characteristic(character?). Anyway, a number of abilities and characteristic of mine were learned(developed?) from it. Such as, work independently, honest, mature, flexibility, high sense of responsibility, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative, good communication skills, good presentation skills, ect. (this is a fragment, not a sentence, and you mix adjectives and nouns)

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my intellectual potential to do independent --in-- academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Hi

I'm sure I'm obliged to you for your good opinion.

I modified my letter under your suggestion, but I think I'll still need a bit of your help to make it better.

best wishes

httzsn

Dear professor×××

I am applying for the PhD in your program and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of ××× University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009. My ultimate goal is to be a biologist.

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I have developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ××× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK ××× Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. This is a big opportunity for me.

During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, RT-PCR, spread plate method, deal with common species for experimentation such as fruit fly, mosquito, bacterium and other experimental technology. As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained encourage prize in province, first prize in college. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one colonel-level program. And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program after I graduated from ××× Normal University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to my solid academic foundation and proficient laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´ dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ×××. I isolated two exopolysaccharide, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities of EPS-1, EPS-2. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them EPS-1, EPS-2 showed anticancer activities. Then, I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, molecular biology skills, mice anatomy and flow cytometry.

I always believe that do researches can teach you and shape your character. Anyway, a number of abilities and characteristic of mine were developed from it. Such as, work independently, honest, mature, flexibility, high sense of responsibility, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative, good communication skills, good presentation skills.

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am also confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential to do independent academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hi
I'm sure I'm obliged to you for your good opinion.
I modified my letter under your suggestion, but I think I'll still need a bit of your help to make it better.

best wishes

httzsn

Dear professor×××

I am applying for the PhD in your program and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of ××× University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009. My ultimate goal is to be a biologist.

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I have developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ××× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK ××× Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. This is a big opportunity for me.

During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, RT-PCR, spread plate method, deal with common species for experimentation such as fruit fly, mosquito, bacterium and other experimental technology. As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained encourage prize in province, first prize in college. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one colonel-level program. And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program after I graduated from ××× Normal University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to my solid academic foundation and proficient laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´ dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ×××. I isolated two exopolysaccharide, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities of EPS-1, EPS-2. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them EPS-1, EPS-2 showed anticancer activities. Then, I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, molecular biology skills, mice anatomy and flow cytometry.

I always believe that do researches can teach you and shape your character. Anyway, a number of abilities and characteristic of mine were developed from it. Such as, work independently, honest, mature, flexibility, high sense of responsibility, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative, good communication skills, good presentation skills.

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am also confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential to do independent academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

I am applying for the PhD in your program(for enrollment in your PhD program) and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of ××× University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009. My ultimate goal is to be a biologist. (can you be more specific - do you want to teach, do research, work for a corporation?)

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I have developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ××× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK ××× Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. This is (was?) a big opportunity for me.

During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, RT-PCR, spread plate method, dealing with common species for experimentation such as fruit fly, mosquito, bacterium and other experimental technology. As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained encourage(?) prize in province, first prize in college. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one colonel-level program(I don't understand this, can you explain it a little?) . And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program after I graduated from ××× Normal University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to my solid academic foundation and proficient laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´ dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ×××. I isolated two exopolysaccharides, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities --of EPS-1, EPS-2-- (you don't need to repeat these names). The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them --EPS-1, EPS-2-- showed anticancer activities. Then,(no comma)I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, molecular biology skills(procedures? processes?), mice anatomy (disection? anatomy is not a skill.) and flow cytometry.

I always believe that doing researches can teach you and shape your character. Anyway, a number of my abilities and characteristics of mine were developed from it. Such as: work independently, honest, mature, flexibility, high sense of responsibility, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative, good communication skills, good presentation skills. (this is not a consistent list! you have verbs, nouns and adjectives all mixed together, They all need to be the same type. This is not a sentence, it is a fragment. )

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am also confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential to do independent academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours
hi

I hope I sound a bit more confident now.

Thank you once again for reading my letter!

Should I change the structure or expression of my letter to make it more competitive?

httzsn

Dear professor×××

I am applying for enrollment in your PhD program and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of×××University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009. My ultimate goal is to be a professor.

My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance
examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ××× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK ×××Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second
semester of my freshman year. This was a big opportunity for me.

During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. I learned and accomplished many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, reverse transcription PCR (RT-PCR), spread plate method, dealing with common species for experimentation such as fruit fly, mosquito, bacterium and other experimental technology. As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained consolation prize in province, first prize in college. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one school-level program. And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program after I graduated from ××× Normal University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to my solid academic foundation and proficient laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´ dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ×××. I isolated two exopolysaccharides, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them showed anticancer activities. Then I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, Sulforhodamine B (SRB), RT-PCR, enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), mice dissection and flow cytometry.

I believe that doing research can teach you and shape your character. Anyway, a number of my abilities and characteristics were developed from it. Such as: independent,honest, mature, flexible, responsible, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative. I am also good at communication and presentation.

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me.
Your honored program falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am also confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential to do independent academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours
Try out our live chat room.
I received your request to provide some assistance. And I noticed that
AlpheccaStars is already helping you. I will allow her to continue providing assistance. I will give you some quick tips as I quickly read through your letter.

Dear professor×××

>>I am applying for enrollment in your PhD program and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration. I am a third-year graduate of×××University, which is one of the most famous universities in China. And I earned my bachelor’s degree in 2009. My ultimate goal is to be a professor.

I am applying to your Ph.D. program. I earned my bachelor's degree from Y University in 2009, and at present, I am a third-year graduate of X University, one of the most famous universities in China. My ultimate goal is to continue researching/developing X as a professor at a university.

(I got rid of the enclosing CV. They know it is enclosed or it ought to be enclosed. I also changed your ultimate goal. In my view, your goal should be to accomplish something, not attain something. Attaining concerns status. Accomplishing means contributing to society.)

>>My parents are farmers. I was born in a beautiful village. When I was a child, I was totally amazed by the miracle of nature. So, I developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance
examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ××× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK ×××Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second
semester of my freshman year. This was a big opportunity for me.

I was born in a beautiful village to proud, industrious parents who are farmers. As part of an agricultural family, I became fascinated by nature. (Then skip over natural sciences and biology. It's obvious. Continue with your paragraph.)

>>During the time in the lab, with the guidance of the guest professor ×××, I received strict and formal training. And I have great interest in scientific research. (Rather obvious, no?) I learned and accomplished many laboratory skills, such as DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, reverse transcription PCR (RT-PCR), spread plate method, dealing with common species for experimentation such as fruit fly, mosquito, bacterium and other experimental technology. (My guess is that this knowledge is already expected of a third-year graduate student. So tell them something they don't know.) As an undergraduate, I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained consolation prize in province, first prize in college. At the last term, I participated in one provincial subject and one school-level program. And I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009. (Highlighting your accomplishment is key. If I were writing your letter, I would talk about your passion for science and biology in particular and how that led to your accomplishments. And then, talk about what you learned as your pursued your goals. DO NOT talk about stuff that is obvious or already known or expected.)

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program after I graduated from ××× Normal University in 2009. The master major is biochemistry and molecular biology. Due to (Search Google for beginning sentences with "Due to...") my solid academic foundation and proficient laboratory skills, I developed my Masters´ dissertation smoothly and quickly. The main work I did was separation, extraction, and purification of exopolysaccharide from ×××. I isolated two exopolysaccharides, named EPS-1 and EPS-2. I studied their immunomodulation and anticancer activities. The results showed that the EPS-1 was a good immunomodulator. Both of them showed anticancer activities. Then I researched the mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, Sulforhodamine B (SRB), RT-PCR, enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), mice dissection and flow cytometry. (I have no idea what this stuff means. Unless your Ph.D. professor is specifically involved in these activities, I would drop them. Instead, talk about your passions, accomplishments, and how you plan to use or advance your learning and skills.)

I believe that doing research can teach you and shape your character. Anyway, (Anyway is too conversational. You want a tight focused concise letter) a number of my abilities and characteristics were developed from it. Such as: independent,honest, mature, flexible, responsible, highly motivated, aggressive, creative, initiative. I am also good at communication and presentation. (I think you have some sentence fragments. Even worse, you provided no proof of your independence, honesty, maturity blah blah blah. If you say you're good at something, you need to back it up with an example.)

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. and further my study in a program best fit for me. Your honored program (don't kiss up) falls into my scope and attracts me. My strong background and skills seem to match your requirements well. I am confident that I can perform the work effectively. I am also confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential to do independent academic research. (Look at some of the other examples of concluding paragraphs to strengthen your paragraph. Don't copy others, but rather look at how to improve the strength of your paragraph.)

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

I often give people a list of links to review. Perhaps you've already seen them. If not, they might help you.

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

http://www.EnglishForward.com/content/lessons/motivation-letters-part-i.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterUniversityAbhinav-Gaur13/xqjzg/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/prrwb/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/xqdwq/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/ARevisedMotivationLetter/pzhgh/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterForAPhD/2/phqcm/Post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/5/xqdwq/Post.htm

Good example:

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/PleaseReviewMotivationLetter/pwcmp/post.htm
Hi

Thank you for your reasonable and impressive suggestions.

I modified my letter under your suggestions.I hope it’s a bit better now.

What I written, it’s my true story. But it’s hard for me to express myself.

I always feel there are many words want to say, but I can’t describe.

Because I haven't many words and phrases enough to express what I want to say.

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your help!

Dear professor×××

I am applying to your Ph.D. program. I earned my bachelor's degree from×× University in 2009, and at present, I am a third-year graduate of ×× University, one of the most famous universities in China. My ultimate goal is to continue researching biology as a professor at a university.

I was born in a beautiful village to proud, industrious parents who are farmers. As part of an agricultural family, I became fascinated by nature and developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ×× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK NYNU-RRES Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. This was a big opportunity for me.

I received strict and formal training in the lab. The main laboratory skills I learned and accomplished were DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, reverse transcription PCR (RT-PCR). As an assistant of guest professor ××Picimbon, I improved my oral English and communication skills quickly and became great interest in scientific research little by little. I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained consolation prize in province, first prize in college. I have great passion in scientific research. I participated in one provincial subject and one school-level program as main participant at the last term. I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program in 2009. It was a big event in my life. There were two obstacles for me to register in Shandong University. First, I needed to learn a very thick professional reference book by myself in the short term. Second, there were very few reminding opportunities for another college student. I studied hard, organized my time efficiently and succeeded at last. I was the first one, in my college, enrolled by ×× University in recent years. The success gave a boost to my confidence. And I set a really good example to the lower-grade students. On the way of pursuing my goal, I was aware of the importance of self-study, self-confidence and reasonable planning.

In my first year, my supervisor gave a wide subject to me. He wanted me to design my dissertation by myself. He agreed with my ideas after I showed him. But due to the lack of cell biology and molecular biology platform, I was sent to ×× Medicine College to build them. Another mission was to teach the students who are in third year of bachelor degree and in first year of master degree how to do experiment. New environment, new people, everything was new. This was an enormous challenge for me. I deeply appreciate that the first step is the hardest. As the team’s leader, I fully displayed my enthusiasm, initiative, flexibility and creativity. I got it done to my best ability. It’s really a tough year. But it’s a harvest stage in my life. These experiences taught me how to work dependently, overcome difficulties and strengthened my communication and presentation abilities.

The main research work I did during my graduate period was to separate and purify the exopolysaccharide from Trichoderma pseudokoning ii. Then I detected their immunomodulation and anticancer activities. The mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells was also studied. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, Sulforhodamine B (SRB), RT-PCR, enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), mice dissection and flow cytometry.(I summarized what I did during my graduate period, I think the professor need to know what I did .)

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. Your program falls into my scope and attracts me. I am certain about exceeding all your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. I am confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential
to do independent academic research.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

Huang
Dear professor×××

I am applying to your Ph.D. biology(?) program. I earned my bachelor's degree from×× University in 2009. At present, I am a third-year graduate of ×× University, one of the most famous universities in China. My ultimate goal is to continue researching biology as a professor at a university. (made some minor changes)

I was born in a beautiful village to proud, industrious farmers. As part of an agricultural family, I developed an intense interest in the natural sciences, especially in biology. In my college entrance examination, I chose biology science as my major without hesitation. After I enrolled by ×× Normal University, I was recruited by the key provincial laboratory China-UK NYNU-RRES Joint Insect Biology Laboratory in the second semester of my freshman year. This was a big opportunity for me. (I made numerous small changes. If you were recruited because of your grades, you should say so.)

I received strict and formal training in the lab.(kill the first sentence. It doesn't add anything.) The main laboratory skills I learned and accomplished were DNA and RNA extraction, electrophoresis, PCR, reverse transcription PCR (RT-PCR). As an assistant of guest professor ××Picimbon, I improved my oral English and communication skills quickly and became great interest in scientific research little by little. I took an active part in science and technology contests for college students and obtained consolation prize in province, first prize in college. I have great passion in scientific research. I participated in one provincial subject and one school-level program as main participant at the last term. I was awarded outstanding graduate in 2009.

(You need to rework the prior paragraph. Don't tell them mundane stuff about receiving training and that you can do normal lab stuff. They expect that. Instead, tell them about your passion and preparation for contests, and prizes, and what you learned from those experiences. Tell them how you have grown and have learned to appreciate science. But, please, skip the boring, mundance stuff.)

I enrolled in a Master’s degree program in 2009. It was a big event in my life. There were two obstacles for me to register in Shandong University. First, I needed to learn a very thick professional reference book by myself in the short term. Second, there were very few reminding opportunities for another college student. I studied hard, organized my time efficiently and succeeded at last. I was the first one, in my college, enrolled by ×× University in recent years. The success gave a boost to my confidence. And I set a really good example to the lower-grade students. On the way of pursuing my goal, I was aware of the importance of self-study, self-confidence and reasonable planning.

(I am not sure why you were a good example to lower grade students. It seems as though you had good grades? So how is your success a good example?)

In my first year, my supervisor gave a wide subject to me. He wanted me to design my dissertation by myself. He agreed with my ideas after I showed him. But due to the lack of cell biology and molecular biology platform, I was sent to ×× Medicine College to build them. Another mission was to teach the students who are in third year of bachelor degree and in first year of master degree how to do experiment. New environment, new people, everything was new. This was a enormous challenge for me. I deeply appreciate that the first step is the hardest. As the team’s leader, I fully displayed my enthusiasm, initiative, flexibility and creativity. I got it done to my best ability. It’s really a tough year. But it’s a harvest stage in my life. These experiences taught me how to work dependently, overcome difficulties and strengthened my communication and presentation abilities.

(I think you have good material in this prior paragraph but it needs work. I am not sure exactly what your key point is. It rambles between dissertation, platforms, teaching new students, enthusiasm, harvesting, independence, and communication. Somehow, you need to focus the reader on what you want to tell him or her.)

The main research work I did during my graduate period was to separate and purify the exopolysaccharide from Trichoderma pseudokoning ii. Then I detected their immunomodulation and anticancer activities. The mechanism of apoptosis induced by EPS in K562 cells was also studied. The experimental skills I used included cell culture, Sulforhodamine B (SRB), RT-PCR, enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), mice dissection and flow cytometry.(I summarized what I did during my graduate period, I think the professor need to know what I did .) (Go at a higher level. If they want your dissertation, they can ask for it. Unless you plan to continue on from your Master's Program, I don't think the exact details are that important. Will the professor reading your report know all these terms? A motivation letter is to put forward that you have the capabilities, aptitude, and desire to succeed. It is NOT a recounting of your life or of your academic details. Instead, do you have the capability and passion?)

To fulfill my career goal, I intend to pursue my Ph.D. Your program falls into my scope and attracts me. I am certain about exceeding all your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. I am confident that under your seasoned guidance, I will fully develop my potential
to do independent academic research.

(This prior paragraph is dead. It has no passion, no life, no enthusiasm.)

Because of my passion for biology, I want to be at the forefront of new developments. By participating in research as a professor at a university, I will be able to satisfy my intellectual curiousity while helping to teach new students about new developments in biology. blah blah blah....Don't use this paragraph because it is poor. However, try to instill in your writing some magic, some passion, some art. Make your letter come alive.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

Huang
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