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Hi Dung,

You are making excellent progress. It is late afternoon, early evening here. I have some other things to do and then I am going to the gym this evening. But I will look at what you have written tomorrow. What you might want to do is spell check your document. I don't know if you have software (MS Word) with an English spell checker? If you do, you can help to clean up your essay.

Some quick comments:

Your first paragraph, "I am a Vietnamese citizen...." should be a bit longer. You should tell them who you are, what you want to do, and why. This will probably take three sentences or so. And if you are a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland, you should say that too.

Second paragraph, don't use "etc." When I see etc., I interpret that as "I don't know anymore."

In general, you mention career. Do you have a specific career in mind (e.g., journalist), or do you simply want to have more open doors?

Again, you are making excellent progress. I can't look at your essay any further tonight. Perhaps Nona the Brit will stop by and give you some advice. In any event, I will comment further tomorrow.

MountainHiker
Hi MountainHiker,

Emotion: sad... sorry at all. Enjoy your leisure time as well sleep well!

That 's it for todayI am going to bed. now is 1am..so late and tired.

Nice to make relationship with u.

bYE BYE.
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Hi,
Phew, there is a lot to get hold of here!

I think that mountainhiker's suggested structure will work very well for this letter and you have worked hard to make improvements to your original. I think you still need to plan your letter a little more clearly as at the moment it is all a bit random and I think you have too much irrelevant information

My suggestions are:

paragraph one: Who you are, what you want to do, why you want to do it.

'I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht. I am interested in this programme as deeper knowledge of social, cultural, political and economic processes will certainly help with my future career. I want to gain a solid background in social science.'

paragraph two: Expand on who you are

'I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Paragrah three: expand on what you want to do and why you want to do it.

'Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture are somewhat limited, which is why I would like to study these further. I would like to continue working in research or journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to stay in Europe.'

Paragraph four: summary and thank them for their interest.

End of letter

You have included all the following information but I do not think it is relevant to your application. They know the advantages to studying social sciences. It sounds as though you are the university trying to sell the course to a student.

Social Science is not only interested to study to know generally but It also necessary in career. You sometimes will have international meetings If you did not have any experience of social science or in wrong understanding, what will be happened in your performance in front of your partners? .” No education is complete without experience” “ no experience how can we do” that is true. So I am, before doing my further goals.
from classic to modern to analyze in a deep ambition before creating the best ways to complete your jobs how to suit with changing of societies of globalization.

The section on use of English language could be worked into your letter if you wish, but I do not think you need anywhere as much language. Again, you are not writing this letter to sell to them the advantages of using English. In any case, they might think that if it is so important to you to study in English, why aren't you applying to an English university? If you really want to mention it, (and I assume that the course will be taught in English?) you could put something in about your standard of English making you suitable for studying at this level in English.

I hope you find this helpful,

nona

In addition, studying and working on completely international environments, using a second language like a native language of English in each different field of social science is very important. Because we will have to use English language to research in professional books of the world and writing essays or reports for big conferences as well as presentations. At last but not least, according a large intellection of Social Science and a professional ability of language, I will have many advantages to my special goals in opportunities of career.
Nona the Brit,

Wow, this is phenomenal help!

Dung is going to be very happy with you.

Thank you so very much!

MountainHiker
Hi Nona,

Very nice to find your helpful..Thanks so much for that...
I completely agree in your points, I have just finished my full motivation letter. Please give me a bit your time to recheck it...

I do not know how to say, you know I am relly happy .......

Hi mountainHiker,

You and Nona make me want to cry for happiness...thanks so much!

Keep in touch.

Dung Nguyen.

Nguyen Thi Le Dung
Provenierrsinggel 85A
3033EJ Rotterdam

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
Faculty: Academic Core, Humanities, Science, Social Science.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht. I am interested in this program as deeper knowledge of social, cultural, political and economic processes will certainly help with my future career. I want to gain a solid background in social science.'

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture are somewhat limited, which is why I would like to study these further. I would like to continue working in research or journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to stay in Europe.'

Fortunately, with my graduated Bachelor of English Language as well as my best trying in studying of English during four year, I believe I will maintain my good level of English skills to understand lecturers, read English books of lessons, write assays or reports and make presentations in University College Utrecht, a new challenging environment, where have much European students researching. However I never mind for that, I prefer to learn together with them to adapt and modify their modern thoughts in cultural mix.

With a solid foundation in academic theory on subjects and empirical research gained through the Bachelor of Arts ‘s Degree program in Social Science section at University College Utrecht, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts that will enable me to pursue a career as an international socialist at a research institution. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Nguyen Thi Le Dung.
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Hi Dung,

Nona did an excellent job in helping you with your letter. I am going to throw in a few comments and wait for Nona's comments.

1) You need to be careful of the " ' " marks that I see periodically. Look at the end of your first and third paragraphs.

2) I will quote the paragraph in question and then comment.
Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture are somewhat limited, which is why I would like to study these further. I would like to continue working in research or journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to stay in Europe.'


What caused you to leave Vietnam? And why did you go to Holland? Can you weave those facts into your desire and pursuit of learning more?

I personally would be cautious of saying you want to remain in Europe. It always raises the question of whether the individual is interested in learning more (good) or is simply looking to emigrate (many believe not-so-good). I might say something to the effect that having these additional skills allows you to better understand the world and allows you to follow the story (journalist) or pursue research interests anywhere in the world.

3) "Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program"

You need to fix the spacing "Bachelor of Liberal of Art's Degree program" and you need to investigate whether in Holland "program" is spelled "program" or "programme".

4) "...contacts that will enable me to pursue a career as an international socialist...."

I hope you don't become a socialist. Socialists are kissing cousins to the Communists. I think you meant something different, no?

5) You need to say in your essay why that university.

6) You second last paragraph needs help. I will let Nona assist you with that.



I encourage you to wait for Nona's comments.

Good luck.

MountainHiker
hI MountainHicker,

It's me, Dung. Thanks for your throw ideas much.

Now I should say something with you..I came to Holand for my study goal, if I only want to stay here I can get marry with Dutch or other way to have paper..no need to waste my money and my time in here. I love my Vietnam, I will go back VIETNAM after I got degree.

I only stay hehe nearly 1year with the study way..but disappointed for that

I knew, your questions will be happen in their comments, I meant Univerisy Officer....

I will retry to write it..if u have any opinions ...throw to me!..

Dung Nguyen.
Hi Dung,

I will let Nadine provide her comments and incorporate your latest answers.

Here's the challenge for you Dung. Your letter is going to be at several levels above your current English writing ability. If you are going for a Liberal Arts Degree, you are going to have difficulty with the writing portion.

You might want to consider spending more time just learning English and writing English. When your writing ability is stronger, then apply?

Have you taken the English proficiency test yet? I think it is a TOEFL test or something? Make sure that your score is high enough before jumping through all the rest of the hoops.

MountainHiker
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Hi MountainHiker,

You are a native person of America, so your comments is right. I really dislike to put myself in any rule of obligation, may be a presure when I write my opinions. Now writing motivation letter, I feel stress because Social Science is a very wide fields, hard to perform all our understaing in one page, letter is always short and full meanings, right?...so, I need to correct .

About Toefl? Yes, I will test on fall 2004...but you know, deadline is 15 October, I can just use my Bachelor of English in my aplication form..no way..to delay it...

Thanks for your take care.

I will finish letter this evening....I will keep my background in your guide.

bb.
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