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Hi MountainHiker,

Emotion: crying...I am smiling and crying about my motivation letter...hic...how about you? tired, too......so sorry....

But I will not give up ...You will go on to help me, no?

I send to you my finished letter.. look and throw your ideas to me..ok..

Thanks much.

bb.

Nguyen Thi Le Dung
Provenierssingel 85 A
3033 EJ Rotterdam

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
Faculty: Academic Core, Humanities, Science, Social Science.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht. I am interested in this program as deeper knowledge of social, cultural, political and economic processes will certainly help with my future career. I want to gain a solid background in social science.'

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture are somewhat limited, which is why I would like to study these further. I would like to continue working in journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to stay in Europe. In here, there are many specific events of societies with up- and- down changes in the past and nowadays, where remain the variety cultures, the worthy literatures and the long histories. In addition, Europe is holding a very important role in world peace. Therefore, Europe journalism has been developing significantly stronger and stronger; I am excited to find out those wide lands

To find a suitable course with my strong passion as well as a good university in Holland to apply, I had a consult with Mr. J.P.J. Rombout , who is both a retired professor of history subject and a good advisor in education. I also came to the Vietnam Embassy in the Netherlands to ask about that. From their analysis, I know University College Utrecht is a famous school about Sociology and Law. In here, student will find interested and satisfy from the teaching qualifications, the perfect progammes , international degree and the international study environment. To make sure what I heart about your university, I also visited your campus, met your students to exchange information concerning in my field. Therefore I am more confident that I will gain the skills, intellection, and contacts with a solid foundation in academic theory on subjects and empirical research to pursue a career as a journalist.

Fortunately, with my graduated Bachelor of English Language as well as my best trying in studying of English during four year, I believe I will maintain my good level of English skills to understand lecturers, read English books of lessons, write assays or reports and make presentations in University College Utrecht, a new challenging environment, where have much European students researching. However I never mind for that, I prefer to learn together with them to adapt and modify their modern thoughts in cultural mix.

After I got the Bachelor of Art, I am planning to apply a course of European Journalism and then I will go back Vietnam where I was born and grew up to follow my career as a journalist like my mother.

I very hope that by my above-said words, I will be accepted into Univercity College Utrecht to study the BA of Art programme on Spring 2005. I would be most grateful if you could give my application form in your most favorable consideration.

I look forward to you reply as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,

Nguyen Thi Le Dung.
Dung,

Get some rest.

Don't worry--Nona and I will help you.

You are trying too hard now. You need to step back and relax. With Nona's and my assistance, you will be okay. But now, you trying to fit everything in. For example, you state,

1) "...and think it would be a great advantage to stay in Europe."

2) "...and then I will go back Vietnam where I was born and grew up to follow my career as a journalist like my mother."

You say two different things in different locations. Also, you still have the " ' " mark in the first paragraph.

I strongly encourage you to wait. Let Nona look over your essay. As you add more and more, you make it more complicated and harder to fix. We want to stay with our original outline. This letter has to be provide a lot of information in a very compact space. You only want to have a few, not a lot, of paragraphs.

So again, get some rest, relax, and your letter shold be done sometime this weekend.

Take care,
MountainHiker
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MountainHiker,

You are so strict in my ways..I don not know until when you will say "ok, perfect"....but I really feel happy for your treatment... and Nona..I really want to study, that's why I must work to hard like that...hic...more difficult more interested...

I listen to New Age Music to relax...and enjoy my happiness about you and Nona.

You too, relax and enjoy your meal. ...

I wait your next comments..

bb.
Hi MountainHiker and Nona,

Have nice weekend!...

If still have your leisure time, u can take a look my letter. I have just finished. I hope both of u will feel more satify ..and MountainHiker will be less strick your look. and Nona will smile friendly in my best try.

Love you
bb.

Nguyen Thi Le Dung
Provenierssingel 85 A
3033 EJ Rotterdam

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
Faculty: Academic Core, Humanities, Science, and Social Science.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht. I am interested in this program as deeper knowledge of social, cultural, political and economic processes will certainly help with my future career. I want to gain a solid background in social science.'

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture are somewhat limited, which is why I would like to study these further. I would like to continue working in journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to study in Europe environment, where have many specific events of societies and remain the variety cultures, the worthy literatures and the long histories. In addition, Europe is holding a very important role in world peace. So, Europe journalism has been developing significantly. That is also major factors to effect in my future career.

To find a suitable programme in social science and a good university in Holland, I had a consult with Mr. J.P.J. Rombout , who is both a good professor of history subject and a good advisor in education of the Netherlands. I also came to the Vietnam Embassy in the Netherlands to ask about that. From their analysis, I know University College Utrecht is a famous school of Europe about Sociology and Law. To make sure what I heart about your university, I also visited your campus, met your students to exchange information concerning in my field. Therefore I am more confident that I will gain the skills, intellection, and contacts with a solid foundation in academic theory on subjects and empirical research to pursue a career as a journalist.

Fortunately, with my graduated Bachelor of English Language as well as my best trying in studying of English during four year, I believe I will maintain my good level of English skills to understand lecturers, read English books of lessons, write assays or reports and make presentations in University College Utrecht, a new challenging environment, where have much European students researching. However I never mind for that, I prefer to learn together with them to adapt and modify their modern thoughts in cultural mix.

After I got the Bachelor of Art with a solid background of Social Science, I will apply a course of European Journalism and then I will go back Vietnam where I was born and grew up to follow my career as a journalist like my mother.

I very hope that by my above-said words, I will be accepted into Univercity College Utrecht to study the BA of Art programme, Social Science on Spring 2005. I would be most grateful if you could give my application form in your most favorable consideration.

I look forward to you reply as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,
Nguyen Thi Le Dung.
Dung,

Are you going back to Vietnam after graduation to work or do you plan to stay in Europe???

Again, I have pointed out that your letter is inconsistent. In one place you are staying in Europe and in another you are going to Vietnam?

I am trying to rewrite and improve your letter, but it is difficult because you have not carefully read what you have written.

MountainHiker
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Nguyen Thi Le Dung
Provenierssingel 85 A
3033 EJ Rotterdam

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
Faculty: Academic Core, Humanities, Science, and Social Science.

Dear Sir:

I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht.[1] I am interested in this program as deeper knowledge of social, cultural, political and economic processes will certainly help with my future career AS A JOURNALIST.[2]

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, and English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economic, politics and culture IS somewhat limited.[3] *** obtain I would like to continue working in journalism after this course, and think it would be a great advantage to study in Europe environment, where have many specific events of societies and remain the variety cultures, the worthy literatures and the long histories. In addition, Europe is holding a very important role in world peace. So, Europe journalism has been developing significantly. That is also major factors to effect in my future career.***[4] [9]

To assist in my academic planning, I consulted with Mr. J.P.J. Rombout, who is both a good professor of history and a good advisor in education of the Netherlands.[5] From their analysis, I know University College Utrecht is a famous school of Europe about Sociology and Law.[6] I also visited your campus and discussed the programme with your students. [5]. Therefore I am more confident that I will gain the skills, knowledge, and contacts with a solid foundation in academic theory on subjects and empirical research to pursue a career as a journalist.[7]

After I graduate with a Bachelor of Liberal of Art's Degree, I will apply TO[?] a course of European Journalism [WHERE, WHAT UNIVERSITY?] and then I will go back Vietnam and follow in the footsteps of my mother to become journalist.[4] [5] Are you not a journalist now? So what's changed? How does having this degree help you?

When you answer the above questions, we can finish the rest of your letter.

Yours faithfully,
Nguyen Thi Le Dung.

[1] Remember we discussed the proper spacing for Art's Degree?

[2] Your career as WHAT? What is your career going to be after you get this additional degree? And remember we talked about getting rid of the " ' ".

[3] Your knowledge (singular) IS limited, not ARE limited.

[4] Are you going back to Vietnam or are you staying in Europe? Please decide and please be consistent.

[5] I made substantial changes. See if they are accurate.

[6] You need to do better than that. Do some research on the university. Look at their website. Find some reason why you choose that university. Why did you even choose Holland?

[7] You are copying Nadine's letter too much. For her, those sentences are fit naturally into her essay. It does not fit naturally into your essay. What academic theory and empirical research are you talking about? I am inclined to eliminate this sentence entirely, because it adds no value and only confuses the reader.

[8] "Fortunately, with my graduated Bachelor of English Language as well as my best trying in studying of English during four year, I believe I will maintain my good level of English skills to understand lecturers, read English books of lessons, write assays or reports and make presentations in University College Utrecht, a new challenging environment, where have much European students researching. However I never mind for that, I prefer to learn together with them to adapt and modify their modern thoughts in cultural mix."

Dung, this doesn't fit into our outline that we discussed earlier. And it doesn't add much value. Your aim is to convey a lot of information in a simple and compact fashion.

[9] This entire section needs to be rewritten. It is very scattered.

You want something.
There are advantages.
Europe is important to world peace.
Journalism is developing.
This affects your career.

That's a lot of ground to cover in only a couple sentences within a single paragraph.

MountainHiker
Hi MountainHiker,

You are....you are...do u think u so strict with me?...but ok...ok...u right?....be cool.

Now I going to answer step by step each your question.:

(1) I saw many English book write like that..I think Im not wrong...but in your way, I was wrong, right?

(2) You mean Imust say my wishing career...yes...I want to become a journalist..but I really never study any course of Journalism before..only write in my way..........u right.

(3) If my knowdlege is not limited, why I must waste my time to rewrite this letter many time and found to your help.

(4) I will go back Vietnam after I got degree BA AND one certificate or diploma 1year Europe journalism or American Studies. I really like to dicover what of the world. I really dislike to live in abroad, but because study, I try to keep me here.

(5) In the natural way I will say nothing, you are a native American....right?

(6) With this question..I will write like that :

I believe that studying in the Netherlands is a great chance for me to achieve a higher education level, to improve my thoughts, as well as to get practical experience. Learning from a prosperous nation with a strong economy, a long-established culture and civilization, an attractive tourism industry. Those factors will be excellent for my further career in the future. Almost Dutch people can speak English very well and they are very friendly and helpful when foreigners as me need their helpfulness. Tution fees and living cost is sutable for the income of Vietnamese.

(7) I am not copy from Nadine, I only use her guide, completely diferrence of meaningful because I feel this way is good to write why I want to apply for Utrecht University and their program in obligation.

I am using your guide, this is a copy??????

My information is true, Mr Roumbout is my landlord..anything in Holland I ask him.

I want to learn what I feel that is good, that is right..like u..nobody want to be blame..but u are always blame. me .but that way for my learning your language..so nothing compare...right, my friend?

(8) I am a writer you are reader, if u feel not value with your analsis ..I am agree to throw that paragrap away...ok?

(9) Can u explain more this..u want me to thow away og open in other ways?

Thanks all you give me..this is weekend but u still try to help...I will try...

bb
Dung Nguyen.
Nguyen Thi Le Dung
Provenierssingel 85 A
3033 EJ Rotterdam

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
Faculty: Academic Core, Humanities, Science, and Social Science.

Dear Sir:

I am a Vietnamese citizen living in Holland and I would like to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art's Degree programme in Social Science department at University College Utrecht. I want to gain a deeper understanding of western society, its economics, politics, and culture, in order better prepare for my future career as a journalist.

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English language, English literature, and English and American culture. I then worked for Song Huong Magazine, writing their Foreign Literature page for three years. I also taught English to children in Vietnam during the summers.

Last year, I started writing for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a major Vietnamese newspaper. Through my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge of economics, politics, and culture is limited. I want to learn more about these topics so that I can continue with my education in journalism and become a journalist in Vietnam. With all the changes in western society today, an effective journalist needs a solid grounding and understanding of the basic fundamentals to be able to explain these changes in a manner that can be readily understood by the Vietnamese.

To assist in my academic planning, I consulted with Mr. J.P.J. Rombout, who is a professor of history [TRUE?] and trusted friend.[TRUE?] He counseled that I investigate University College Utrecht. I also visited your campus and discussed the programme with your students. I learned that [YOU NEED TO SAY WHY IT IS A GOOD UNIVERSITY TO STUDY AT.] I have also visited the campus and spoken with some of the students in the faculty. I am confident that I can make a signficant contribution to the classes, especially given my Vietnamese background, and that I will gain a strong education concerning western society.

Should you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your favorable reply.

Yours faithfully,
Nguyen Thi Le Dung.

MountainHiker

(1) I saw many English book write like that..I think Im not wrong...but in your way, I was wrong, right?
You need to look more closely or look at a magazine. There is no space. It is Art's Degree. Dung's letter.

(5) In the natural way I will say nothing, you are a native American....right?
Wrong. I am Canadian. We don't use the term "native Canadian" or "native American" because that often means that you are a native "indian" Canadian or American.

I want to learn what I feel that is good, that is right..like u..nobody want to be blame..but u are always blame. me .but that way for my learning your language..so nothing compare...right, my friend?

Nobody is interested in blaming others Deng. You need to work hard at this. You need to proof read it and make sure you understand it. I feel uncomfortable with the level of assitance that is being provided to you. Nona and I are writing at a much higher level than you are currently capable. This should and must be YOUR work, not Nona's or my work.

My fear is that you will get accepted to the faculty and then become extremely frustrated because of your writing skills. What will seem easy and natural to others will seem impossible to you. Learning to speak and write a foreign language is very difficult. You've made excellent progress. I am sure you could easily function in an English setting. People could understand you and you can understand them.

However, your speaking and writing still need a lot of work. It is like just learning how to walk and all of a sudden you are in a running competition. It doesn't seem fair.

So be prepared for a steep learning curve in English.

Have a look at your essay now. It is taking shape and I think it should be nearly finished.
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Hi MountainHiker,

Thanks for your comments.

You are right, that is my works , not yours or Nona. That s why, I tried very much in incorporate your helpfullness. I always respect you and nona, who helped me by their heart. I never forget.

I only explain to make u understand my goals in the Netherlands. I really study in Canada, America...but outside my ability for budget.

Yes, my landlord is professor of history in Holland Univeristy, Saxion Univeristy, He also is advisor in education. You know I hate telling lie, so, I met much dificult to write this letter. Somebody say me, sometimes the true is useless in our jobs, do u think so, MountainHiker?

I not meant you is a ancient native American or Canadian...I only want to say English is your native language...sorry..make u misunderstood.

About my letter, I will write in your ideas, because I believe your level.

I will finish and send to u...I hope I will be accepted in that school.

bb.
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