Dear all,
I would like to apply for a master program in economics (mathematical methods/quantitive economics).
There is a draft of my motivation statement. I really tried my best. Though I think there are some weaknesses and I need a fresh look to figure them out.
So, I would appreciate if you give me some good advice how to make it better.
Thanks in advance!

Motivation statement.

At present I am a fourth year student of the Economics Department of the AAA University (Russia), specialized in Application of Mathematical Methods in Economics. I have chosen this area because it calls for new ideas and has an obvious implication in real life. Quantitive Economics is the field I am deeply interested in and I would like to pursue my studies in this direction. This is the main reason I want to participate in the QQQ Master Program.

I think that due to my previous academical experience in AAA University I have acquired sufficient base of knowledge in economics, as well as strong mathematical background, which permits me to satisfy the requirements of QQQ Program. I made progress in studying all the theoretical and practical courses, concentrating my special attention on mathematical modeling, optimization and econometrics. In addition, I felt the lively interest in researching some concrete areas and this experience taught me how to apply economic theory to the actual topical problems. For instance, my 3rd year research project is devoted to the mathematical modeling in monopoly pricing on the telecommunication market; in my Bachelor Degree paper I try to evaluate the impact of infrastructure on the level of economic development in Russian regions.
During my fourth year, I also had the exceptional possibility to take an internship in the well-known international auditing and consulting company “Ernst & Young”. There is no doubt that I can turn this experience to my advantage. Firstly, I had the opportunity to acquire some new important abilities, which I could use for research in my master dissertation, such as analytical skills that make it possible to analyze considerable amounts of information in the most effective way. Secondly, combining work with study I learned how to manage my time and establish priorities. Finally, the work experience in the international company is precious for my future career.

There is another reason why I want to apply for QQQ Program. I think that unfortunately in Russia there is no concept of economics as a single science, and most of the theoretical and practical approaches are adopted from foreign school of economics. However, for me it is very important to be in centre of the topical scientific activity, feel the latest tendencies and follow the permanent development of economic concepts. Great European traditions in economics as well as its actual scientific work attract me to the BBB University, for instance the possibility to collaborate with eminent professors from several research laboratories such as XXX and YYY is of great value too. QQQ Program will also permit me to work in the competitive environment, to share ideas and to establish connections in the scientific and business world.
Besides, I am interested in this program because it meets my general interests in economics and particularly enables me to develop my current research project in macroeconomics and econometrics. For example, I could take a different view of mathematical modeling in macroeconomics because of the courses NNN and MMM. I see another significant advantage of the curriculum – the possibility to choose among numerous elective courses. Thereby I can concentrate my attention on the set of lectures that exactly satisfy my requirements. In addition, during my studies not all the fields were covered although they were interesting for me, such as study of finance, which was rather limited, and that is why I would like to take the course OOO to broaden my horizons in this field.

Obviously, this degree will give a considerable incentive to my professional career. Econometrics, different methods of data estimation and prognostics can be successfully applied in the business environment of today, such as business analytics, forecasting of financial markets, etc. My work experience in a big consulting company gave me a reason to think that there were numerous possibilities for professional development and a great demand for specialists in this area. In this connection, I consider the study at QQQ Program to be a way to extend my knowledge, which is necessary for my successful promotion in this sphere. With my dedication and acquired abilities, it will be the best combination for the achievement of my professional ambitions.

Thus, I believe that my academic background in different areas of economics and mathematics and serious intentions to study and research will be beneficial for my graduate studies. Moreover, I am sure that using all my ideas, experiences and abilities I can make my best contribution to the QQQ Program.
Hello Tanja. Basically, it is too wordy; few registrars will have the patience to wade through all that. I have crossed out unnecessary verbiage that should be deleted, and I have underlined any other (resulting) problem areas. You will have to do more revision to gramatically integrate the result of my deletions.

Motivation statement.

At present I am a fourth year student of the Economics Department of the AAA University (Russia), specialized in Application of Mathematical Methods in Economics. I have chosen this area because it calls for new ideas and has an obvious implication in real life. Quantitive Economics is the field I am deeply interested in and I would like to pursue my studies in this direction. This is the main reason I want to participate in the QQQ Master Program.

I think that due to my previous academical experience in AAA University I have acquired sufficient base of knowledge in economics, as well as strong mathematical background, which permits me to satisfy the requirements of QQQ Program. I made progress in studying all the theoretical and practical courses, concentrating my special attention on mathematical modeling, optimization and econometrics. In addition, I felt the lively interest in researching some concrete areas and this experience taught me how to apply economic theory to the actual topical problems. For instance, my 3rd year research project is devoted to the mathematical modeling in monopoly pricing on the telecommunication market; in my Bachelor Degree paper I try to evaluate the impact of infrastructure on the level of economic development in Russian regions.
During my fourth year, I also had the exceptional possibility to take an internship in the well-known international auditing and consulting company “Ernst & Young. There is no doubt that I can turn this experience to my advantage. Firstly, I had the opportunity to acquire some new important abilities which I could use for research in my master dissertation, such as analytical skills that make it possible to analyze considerable amounts of information in the most effective way. Secondly, combining work with study I learned how to manage my time and establish priorities. Finally, the work experience in the international company is precious for my future career.

There is another reason why I want to apply for QQQ Program because I think that unfortunately in Russia there is no concept of economics as a single science, and most of the theoretical and practical approaches are adopted from foreign school of economics. However, for me it is very important to be in centre of the topical scientific activity, feel the latest tendencies and follow the permanent development of economic concepts. Great European traditions in economics as well as its actual scientific work I am attracted to the BBB University, for instance the possibility to collaborate with eminent professors from several research laboratories such as *** and YYY attracts me to BBB. QQQ Program will also permit me to work in the competitive environment, to share ideas and to establish connections in the scientific and business world.
Besides, I am interested in this program because it meets my general interests in economics and particularly enables me to develop my current research project in macroeconomics and econometrics. For example, I could take a different view of mathematical modeling in macroeconomics because of the courses NNN and MMM. I see another significant advantage of the curriculum – the possibility to choose among numerous elective courses. Thereby I can concentrate my attention on the set of lectures that exactly satisfy my requirements. In addition, during my studies not all the fields were covered although they were interesting for me, such as study of finance, which was rather limited, and that is why I would like to take the course OOO to broaden my horizons in this field.

Obviously, this degree will give a considerable incentive to my professional career. Econometrics, different methods of data estimation and prognostics can be successfully applied in the business environment of today, such as business analytics, forecasting of financial markets, etc. My work experience in a big consulting company gave me a reason to think that there were numerous possibilities for professional development and a great demand for specialists in this area. In this connection, I consider the study at QQQ Program will extend my knowledge, which is necessary for my successful promotion in this sphere. With my dedication and acquired abilities, it will be the best combination for the achievement of my professional ambitions.

Thus, I believe that my academic background in different areas of economics and mathematics and serious intentions to study and research will be beneficial for my graduate studies. Moreover, I am sure that using all my ideas, experiences and abilities I can make my best contribution to the QQQ Program.

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Mister Micawber, thanks!
Ok, I see...
I thought, I really thought that it was way too long, but somehow I was sure that I can't remove anything without loss of sense Emotion: smile Now I see, thanks!
I will try to rewrite it and will post it here.