Hello,

I would like to apply to Msc sandwich programme in the UK and I would really appreciate if somebody could help me and leave honest comments about my letter, no matter how bad they are.

So, here it comes:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Msc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My final goal is to work in hotel or event management.

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X (name of the country) school in this field. During the 4-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and was awarded a final exam exemption certificate. Enthusiasm, fluency in foreign languages and great interest I had demonstrated throughout work-based training in a hotel secured me a position of a seasonal receptionist after completing my high school studies. While working front desk at a hotel I’ve learned how to handle difficult situations with good attitude, such as customers’ complaints and I improved my people and communication skills.

In 2011, I earned a bachelor degree in French language and literature from Faculty of philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was among top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills and gave me an opportunity to take initiative in helping my colleagues.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I have got more interested in managerial aspect of this industry.

Living and working in a tourist city like X has been a valuable experience for itself which enabled me to be in a constant contact with tourists and to keep up to date with new trends in tourism. Tourism is not just a job for me; it has become a philosophy of my life.

This program has interested me because it offers the opportunity to gain work experience and improve my practical skills in the tourism industry underpinned with excellent and interesting course syllabus. I am particularly interested in your Tourist Consumer Behaviour course as it is very important to understand the way customers think in this people oriented industry. I also find that being located in X, a top tourist destination, is a great advantage in studying hospitality and tourism.

My passion for travelling, foreign language skills and a good professional foundation in this field make me a great candidate for this programme and I am confident that X University is the right choice for me.

Thank you for your attention and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Msc (M.Sc.? - Not sure) International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My final goal is to work in hotel or event management. (I suggest being more specific or more aspirational. Otherwise, the person might know of a bellhop opening.)

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X (name of the country) school in this field. During the 4(four - nearly always spell out numbers less than or equal to ten)-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and was awarded a final exam exemption certificate. (By demonstrating e)nthusiasm, fluency in foreign languages (which ones) and great interest (in what?) (deleted words) throughout my work-based training in a hotel, (I was awarded the position) of a seasonal receptionist after completing my high school studies. While working front desk at a hotel I (don't use contractions in formal writing) learned how to handle difficult situations with a good attitude (removed some words - removing clutter) and I improved my people and communication skills.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree (caps?) in French language and literature from Faculty of philosophy (caps) in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was among top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class for three consecutive years. These experiences allowed me to further develop my leadership and organizational skills. (and gave me an opportunity to take initiative in helping my colleagues. delete this stuff as it is implicit in yoru leadership and organizational stuff. remove clutter)

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I have got more interested in managerial aspect of this industry.

Living and working in a tourist city like X has been a valuable experience because it (changes) enabled me to be in a constant contact with tourists and to keep up to date with new trends in tourism. Tourism is not just a job for me; it has become a philosophy of my life. (need to rework this paragraph.)

Living and working in a X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting. I enjoy meeting new people and helping them with their challenges as well as sharing their new discoveries and joys. By constantly interacting with others, I keep informed on international tourist trends and developments. (maybe something like that. The key point is that you enjoy it--most especially meeting people. As far as philosophy of life - this ain't a religion.)

Your program provides (changes made) the opportunity to gain work experience and improve my practical skills in the tourism industry (underpinned with excellent and interesting course syllabus, delete, it's just clutter). I am particularly interested in your Tourist Consumer Behaviour course as it is very important to understand the way customers think in this people oriented industry. I also find that being located in X, a top tourist destination, is a great advantage in studying hospitality and tourism. (this paragraph is weak and somewhat repetitive of an earlier paragraph. You need to think this through.)

My passion for travelling, foreign language skills and a good professional foundation in this field make me a great candidate for this programme and I am confident that X University is the right choice for me.

(I think you missed a few key points in your closing paragraph:
- your demonstrated records of achievement. You are confident that you will continue to succeed
- you enjoy PEOPLE. This is the single most important factor and it's missing. It's like wanting to be a hockey player but not really keen on skating.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,

Overall, good. Your organization toward the end is a bit lacking. You talk about your current city and its positive attributes. And then you talk about the univeristy cisty and its positive attributes. Given that they both appear to be tourist destination points, I would tie them together.

For a tourism person, I found it surprising that you didn't emphasize people more. Tourism is people, if nothing else.

One or two more iterations and you should be good to go.
Thank you so much for your help! And your honesty as well!

I modified my letter, but I think I'll still need a bit of your help to make it better.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My final goal is to become a hotel manager.

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and was awarded a final exam exemption certificate. By demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish (I'm not fluent in all of them, so is this good enough to illustrate my knowledge of these languages or should I just leave "fluency"?) as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist after completing my high school studies. While working front desk at a hotel I learned how to handle difficult situations with good attitude and I improved my people and communication skills.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was among top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I have got more interested in managerial aspect of this industry. I love meeting new people and helping them enjoy their vacations as well as assuring they have a great experience and that they leave my hometown with positive impressions. Treating customers as special individuals and exceeding their expectations is what I always want to achieve during their visit.

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to constantly interact with others and thus to keep informed on international tourist trends and development. Therefore, the location of your University in a top tourist destination like X is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality.

I also selected your University because of its focus on gathering relevant work experience, its quality of teaching and last, but not the least, its multicultural environment which will help me broaden my mind. Site visits incorporated in your program will give me an insight into the UK tourism industry and with many lecturers having relevant industry experience I know I will gain expert knowledge in this field.

I am confident that my great academic, communication and interpersonal skills as well as my passion for travelling and working with people will help me to successfully complete my master studies. I will enrich the program by bringing new ideas and enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program. (Ok, I took this last part from the motivation letter of the German student as I find it true for myself and I also studied in another country and plus I have no ideas how to finish this letter Emotion: wink

Thank you for your attention and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My final goal is to become a hotel manager. (good)

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and was awarded (rather than "was awarded" write "achieved"...that way, you keep the "active voice") a final exam exemption certificate. By demonstrating enthusiasm and (change) competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish (I'm not fluent in all of them, so is this good enough to illustrate my knowledge of these languages or should I just leave "fluency"? - leave as is, you just mentioned that you were competent to communicate - good enough) as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel(missing comma here) I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist (after completing my high school studies - move this earlier - say just before your missing comma...that way, you finish on your strongest emphasis). While working front desk at a hotel I learned how to handle difficult situations with a postive (changes) attitude. (stop here...the last part almost seems to suggest that you are weak in people and communication skills...don't go there. Instead, by stopping earlier, your people and communication skills are implicit...and I improved my people and communication skills.)

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was one of the (changes made) top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This (this what?, This experience) allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became (changes) more interested in management (changes). I love meeting new people and helping them enjoy their vacations. (stop here...the rest is clutter...as well as assuring they have a great experience and that they leave my hometown with positive impressions.) Treating customers as special individuals and exceeding their expectations is what I always want to achieve during their visit. (not keen on this last sentence...try to revise)

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to constantly (delete "constantly"...as much as possible, remove adverbs and adjectives) interact with others and thus to keep informed on international tourist trends and development*s* (missing "s"). Therefore, the location of your University in a top tourist destination like X is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality. (good paragraph)

I also selected your University because of its focus on gathering relevant work experience, its quality of teaching and last, but not the least, its multicultural environment which will help me broaden my mind. Site visits incorporated in your program will give me an insight into the UK tourism industry and with many lecturers having relevant industry experience I know I will gain expert knowledge in this field. (This paragraph needs to be slimmed down and focused...I detest the "last, but not the least" stuff...it's stuffy and pretentious)

I am confident that my great (great sounds bland, go with strong or exceptional) academic, communication and interpersonal skills as well as my passion for travelling and working with people will help me to successfully complete my master studies. (not keen on your ending...given your background, I would write something about exceeding expectations or something like that). With my varied and rich background, I am confident that I will add diversity to your program. (added words)

>>> I will enrich the program by bringing new ideas and enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program. (Ok, I took this last part from the motivation letter of the German student as I find it true for myself and I also studied in another country and plus I have no ideas how to finish this letter Emotion: wink (deleted this stuff)

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance. (changes)

Yours faithfully,
I hope I sound a bit more confident now...

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My final goal is to become a hotel manager.

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and achieved a final exam exemption certificate. By demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel, after completing my high school studies I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist. While working front desk at a hotel I learned how to handle difficult situations with good attitude.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was one of the top two students (I preferred "among top two students" because now I repeat that part from the previous sentence- "one of two students", but if you say this is better, I'll take your advice) in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This experience allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. To work in tourism means to open yourself to other cultures and as I love to meet new people this is a true pleasure for me. My greatest reward is to hear client positive comments because I dedicate myself entirely to helping them enjoy their vacations.

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to interact with others and thus to keep informed on international tourist trends and developments. Therefore, the location of your University in a top tourist destination like X is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality.

Providing the opportunity to gain work experience, live and study in multicultural environment and learn from lecturers with industry experience make your University the right choice for me.

By admitting me to this course you will gain a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student. I am confident that my strong academic and professional skills as well as my passion and devotion to tourism and hospitality industry will help me exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your program.

Thank you for your attention and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
Sorry to disturb you, but is this good enough or should I make some more changes? Thank you
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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My (ultimate) goal is to become a hotel manager.

I graduated from Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and achieved a final exam exemption certificate. By demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel, after completing my high school studies I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist. (prior sentence is awkward) While working front desk at a hotel I learned how to handle difficult situations with good attitude.

Revision - Awkward sentence: Upon graduation, I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist by demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel. Is that better? Make sure the whole paragraph flows.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was one of the top two students (I preferred "among top two students" because now I repeat that part from the previous sentence- "one of two students", but if you say this is better, I'll take your advice) in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This experience allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills. (go with "among")

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field (I'd use industry, though that is personal preference), first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. To work in tourism means to open yourself to other cultures and as I love to meet new people this is a true pleasure for me. (This is over the top. Too much sugar.) My greatest reward is to hear client positive comments because I dedicate myself entirely to helping them enjoy their vacations. (You have three or four sentences saying the same thing. Be more focused)

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality field, first as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. (Somehow this sentence bothers me.) Try --> My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality industry. I began as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. And then continue on.

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to interact with others. (stop here) and thus to keep informed on international tourist trends and developments (implicit). Therefore, the location of your University in a top tourist destination like X is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality.

Providing the opportunity to gain work experience, live and study in multicultural environment and learn from lecturers with industry experience make your University the right choice for me. (awkward...reword)

By admitting me (I dislike your opening "by admitting me") to this course you will gain a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student. I am confident that my strong academic and professional skills as well as my passion and devotion to tourism and hospitality industry will help me exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your program.

Because I am a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student with a strong record of success, I am confident that I will exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your program.

Passion and devotion and ambitious and motivated all say the same thing, no? I tried to wrap everything into a more concise paragraph.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance. (I think I changed this paragraph a few times?)

Yours faithfully,
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My goal is to become a hotel manager.

I attended Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and achieved a final exam exemption certificate. Upon graduation, I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist by demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish as well as great interest in this sector throughout work-based training in a hotel. While working front desk at a hotel I learned how to handle difficult situations with positive attitude.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was among the top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This experience allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality industry. I began as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors (could you help me with this part: “began as a tourist guide” –1) I repeat the word “began” twice in this sentence and 2) I have never worked as a tourist guide. It seems to me like this is saying “I began my career as...”) and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. I thoroughly enjoy getting acquainted with new cultures and meeting other people. Such experiences help me to enrich my personality and develop myself professionally.

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to interact with others. Therefore, the location of your University in a top tourist destination like X is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality.

Opportunity to gain work experience, live and study in multicultural environment and learn from lecturers with industry experience are the key reasons why I want to study at your University.

Because I am a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student with a strong record of success, I am confident that I will exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your program.

Thank you for your attention and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your MSc International Hospitality and Tourism Management sandwich programme starting in January 2012. My goal is to become a hotel manager.

I attended Catering and Tourism high school X in 2008, the most renowned X school in this field. During the four-year programme I had performed to an exceptional standard and achieved a final exam exemption certificate. Upon graduation, I was awarded the position of a seasonal receptionist by demonstrating enthusiasm, competency to communicate effectively in English, French, Italian and Spanish as well as great interest in my work (changes made) throughout my work-based training in a hotel. While working the (changes) front desk at a hotel, (comma inserted) I learned how to handle difficult situations with positive attitude.

In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. During my studies, I was among the top two students in my classes and was elected the president of my class three years in a row. This experience allowed me to develop my leadership and organizational skills.

My career goal has always been to work in the tourism and hospitality industry. I began as a tourist guide for French speaking visitors (could you help me with this part: “began as a tourist guide” –1) I repeat the word “began” twice in this sentence and 2) I have never worked as a tourist guide. It seems to me like this is saying “I began my career as...”) and then, over the years as I began to manage our family run guest houses, I became more interested in management. I thoroughly enjoy getting acquainted with new cultures and meeting other people. Such experiences help me to enrich my personality and develop myself professionally.

(I am at a loss. If you didnt' begin as a tourist guide, then don't write that.) Why not say that you have worked as x and y (family business), and as you gained experience and knowledge, you became more interested in hotel management. Try rewriting this paragraph again. I am not sure what you have done, so I don't know what to write for you.)

Living and working in X, a tourist city, is rewarding and exciting because it gives me the opportunity to interact with others from all over the world (added words, are they correct?). Similiarly,(changes) the location of your University in a top tourist destination (deleted like X) is a great advantage while studying tourism and hospitality.

Opportunity to gain work experience, live and study in multicultural environment and learn from lecturers with industry experience are the key reasons why I want to study at your University. (awkward...In all honesty, you should probably just delete this entire paragraph. Everything you said here you've said somewhere else. There's no added information in this paragraph.)

Because I am a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student with a strong record of success, I am confident that I will exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your program. (You have spelled program as programme earlier in your letter. Decide which spelling you like, and then be consistent.)

Thank you for your attention and consideration. (I would add that looking forward to your acceptance. You keep erasing it. So do what you want.)

Yours faithfully,
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