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Hii
Can you guys please help me to improve my motivational letter for an undergraduate event management degree in London?Thanks in advance.xx

Dear sir or madam,
I'm writing to apply for the Degree
In Event management,in which I am enormously interested.

I've always had a passion in organising and planning events.I'm a creative person,I like to think big and out of the box and try to get the best in pretty much everything,I'm very social, and I think that your Event management Undergraduate Programme will suit my personality completely.I enjoy to work in teamwork as much as I enjoy to work by my own and Attending your university I would like to gain some more communication and coordination skills.

-
I've organised various events in school,such as proms and meetings with students from other schools,and I absolutely enjoyed doing these experiences;especially proms because they all had a theme so me and my colleagues had to make specific invitations,find the perfect decorations to put on the ballroom,choose the right music etc.Once Some of my companions and I had to organise an "under the sea" themed prom,and I'm not gonna lie it was pretty much of a challenge.The school budget was really low,so we didn't have enough money to buy all the things we needed,therefore we decided to create the invitations and decorations ourselves;That of course took a lot of our time but it was worth every second.at the prom we received a lot of compliments which made us feel very satisfied,it was the best feeling ever.

these kind of experiences made me understand that organising events was actually my dream job.
therefore out of planning events,fashion,music and sports are some of my other passions,that's why I would like to create the perfect combo,and become an event planner specialized in organising events such as fashion weeks,premieres,sport events,festivals etc; I would totally love to spend my life doing that.

The reason why I chose to apply in your uni is just because reading some of your alumni experiences I found out that your institution would have been just the perfect place To study at ,since a lot of alumni talked about their current jobs and they fitted exactly my career ambition.
I want to study at Your university also because of your outstanding educational system,your excellent facilities,And because is in London, which I think is the best place on earth to live; people there are so polite,nice and big minded,which I love,and London itself is just so beautiful and peaceful. I couldn't be more confident of my decision.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully,
Martina *****
Comments  
Hi Martina,

You may not have received any replies because you're asking for quite a lot of help. It's the kind of thing I do for students in paid sessions, because the student and I would then have time to consider all aspects of the letter.

To give you just a few pointers: you should avoid contractions (e.g. it's, gonna) - this is definitely a formal document. There are some punctuation errors. I would say less about how great London is, and more about how the course is exactly what you need to progress to the next planned stage of your career.

Hope you get the place!

Kind regards, Michael
Thank you very much!I'll surely follow your advice.
yours sincerely,
Martina
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Martina321In Event management,in which I am enormously interested.
In Event management, in which I am enormously interested. You should leave a space between a comma and the next word.
Martina321I've always had a passion in organising
I've always had a passion for organising
Martina321and planning events.I'm a
and planning events. I'm a

The rule about commas and spaces, that was mentioned above, also applies to full stops.
Martina321everything,I'm very social, and I think that your Event management Undergraduate Programme will suit my personality completely.
everything. I'm very social, and I think that your Event management Undergraduate Programme will suit my personality completely.
Martina321I enjoy to work in teamwork
I enjoy working in a team, or, I enjoy teamwork. Choose one of the underlined parts.
Martina321as much as I enjoy to work by my own
as much as I enjoy working by myself, or, on my own. Choose one of the underlined parts.
Martina321and Attending your university I would like to gain some more communication and coordination skills.
and by attending your university, I would like to gain some more communication and coordination (or co-ordination http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/coordination ) skills.
Martina321HiiCan you guys please help me to improve my motivational letter for an undergraduate event management degree in London?Thanks in advance.xx
Hi has one letter i.

In the title of your question, the correct spelling is advice. Not "advices".
Martina: I have highlighted some problem areas. Pay attention to your punctuation. A formal letter should not read like a chat-blog. Sentences should be logical and well-structured, not connected by a stream of commas. Your content is good, but needs to consider the serious side of event planning as well as the fun side.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writing to apply for the degree in Event Management, in which I am enormously interested.

I've always had a passion in organising and planning events.I'm a creative person,I like to think big and out of the box and try to get the best in pretty much everything,I'm very social, and I think that your Event Management undergraduate programme will suit my personality completely. (With all those commas connecting rather unrelated ideas, you have a messy run-on sentence.) I enjoy working in teams as much as I enjoy working on my own and Attending your university I would like to gain some more communication and coordination skills.

-
I've organised various events in school,such as proms and meetings with students from other schools,and I absolutely enjoyed doing these experiences;especially proms because they all had a theme so me and my colleagues (my colleagues and I) had to make specific invitations,find the perfect decorations to put in the ballroom,choose the right music etc. (Don't use "etc." in a formal document.) Once Some of my companions and I had to organise an "under the sea" themed prom,and I'm not gonna (gonna, wanna and such words are not standard English) lie it was pretty much of a challenge.The school budget was really low,so we didn't have enough money to buy all the things we needed,therefore we decided to create the invitations and decorations ourselves;That of course took a lot of our time but it was worth every second.at the prom we received a lot of compliments which made us feel very satisfied,it was the best feeling ever. (The commas are a mixed bag of ungrammatical punctuation -- splices -- and correct punctuation but no letter spacing.)

these kind of experiences made me understand that organising events was actually my dream job.
therefore out of planning events,fashion,music and sports are some of my other passions,that's why I would like to create the perfect combo,and become an event planner specialized in organising events such as fashion weeks,premieres,sport events,festivals etc; I would totally love to spend my life doing that. (Bad punctuation.)

The reason why I chose to apply to your uni (Uni is not a valid word.) is just because reading some of your alumni experiences I found out that your institution would have been just the perfect place (The previous sentence makes no sense.) To study at ,since a lot of alumni talked about their current jobs and they fitted exactly my career ambition.
I want to study at Your university also because of your outstanding educational system,your excellent facilities,And because it is in London, which I think is the best place on earth to live; people there are so polite,nice and big minded,which I love,and London itself is just so beautiful and peaceful. I couldn't be more confident of my decision.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully,
Martina *****
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Thank you very much.x
Martina321organising
Martina321specialized
Another way for you to improve your writing generally, is to use spellings consistently.

In the quoted examples, you have used the "is" and "iz" spellings for sounds that rhyme with the word eyes. Although both are used in English, people normally just use one or the other. The "is" spelling is more common in British English. The "iz" spelling is more common in American English. Considering that you are writing to a British university, you might as well use British English consistently. That means using the "is" spelling.

You would benefit from reading this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_and_British_English_spelling_differences#Greek-derived_spe...