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Hi, Can someone check this letter please? Thank you in adavence.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to express my strong interest in applying for the XXX

Studies offered by the XXX. This programme is a prestigious opportunity for me to enrich my knowledge as well as a solid step towards my goal.

For as long as I can remember I have always had a keen interest in economics and business management. In grade eleven me and a group of classmates opened a student educational company. We participated in various events in 3 cities and I loved every second of it. During one of the events I was awarded leader award from “XXX”. and at the end of the school year I also received diploma“XXX” program finished with honors from “XXX”.

I have an ambition to work as a chief executive officer in the finance sector in the future. To achieve my goal, an appropriate education is needed and I believe that your university would give me the required academic preparation and practical experience. I am highly motivated by the competitive nature of the field I have chosen. I will work hard to achieve my goals and aspirations. If given the chance to study at your university, I will do my ultimate best to succeed. I am positive that The XXX would be an excellent start for an ambitious business career. For improving my financial education and preparing to start a career with confidence.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to express my strong interest in applying for the XXX

Studies offered by the XXX. (Fragment, not a sentence) This programme is a unique / wonderful / singular prestigious opportunity for me to enrich my knowledge as well as make a solid step towards my goal.

For as long as I can remember I have always had a keen interest in economics and business management. In grade eleven me (ungrammatical) and a group of classmates opened a student educational company (What was the function of this company?). We participated in various events in three 3 cities and I loved every second of it. During one of the events I was selected for the awarded leadership award from “XXX”. and at the end of the school year I graduated also received diploma“XXX” program finished with honors from “XXX”

I have an ambition to work as a chief executive officer in the finance sector in the future. To achieve my goal, an appropriate education is needed and I believe that your university would give me the required academic preparation and practical experience. I am highly motivated by the competitive nature of the field I have chosen. I will work hard to achieve my goals and aspirations. If given the chance to study at your university, I will do my ultimate best to succeed. I am positive that The XXX would be an excellent start for a ambitious business career. For improving my financial education and preparing to start a career with confidence.(That is a fragment, not a sentence.)