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Hey, first of all I want to say that English is not my native language. I need to write a motivational letter why I want to participate in the Magellan exchange.

This is my assignment: Please explain your reasons for wanting to participate in The Magellan Exchange and how the experience relates to your educational and career goals. (Maximum 3000 Characters)

This is what I had in mind:

My name is x and I wish to apply for the Magellan exchange, to study at a school in the United States.

When I first heard, my school offered the possibility to study abroad. I didn’t hesitate and I applied immediately.

The reasons I’m applying are quiet simple. First of all, It’s something I really want to do and it would be really stupid of me to not take this opportunity. Secondly it was always a dream to study abroad and to visit the United States. Now I can do this both thanks to the Magellan exchange. Thirdly I’m also thinking about my future. This is something that would look really good on my CV.

I’m applying for computer science because I’m now in my senior year of my bachelor “applied informatics system and network management”. I’m really interested in IT, especially in computer networking. I’m aware that the United States is known for his IT. So this would be really good for my education. I also want to improve my English because if you work in the IT sector it’s really important to know your English very well.

Not only would this be a great experience, educationally but also culturally. I want to know the real college life in America, learn new people, be open to a new culture. This will be a really good lesson to be independent. I see this like a challenge, that I’m eager to do.

I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application.

So what do you think about this motivation letter?
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I'll offer a few of suggestions.

1. Your letter has 1,132 characters. It's short and, frankly, doesn't sound as if you are really motivated to study in the US. You need to make the person that reads this letter believe that you really, really want to participate in the programme. However, your sentence "When I first heard that my school offered the possibility to study abroad, I didn’t hesitate and I decided to apply immediately" is good and should be kept.

2. Saying "This is something that would look really good on my CV" is not advised. Any admissions officer that sees this sort of reasoning often gets totally turned off.

3. I also want to improve my English, and by living and studying in the US I'll have a better chance of accomplishing this than anywhere else. Use this sentence and elaorate upon it other than to say its good for knowing IT.

4. "I’m aware that the United States is known for his IT". No, it's "I’m aware that the United States is known for its IT."

John
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Thank you very much for the fast response and the suggestions ! But don't get me wrong I'm really excited to study in the US. But this is the first that i had written a motivation letter.

So this is my second and improved motivation letter: I hope this one will be better.

My name is Danilo Porco and I wish to apply for the Magellan exchange, to study at a school in the United States.

When I first heard that my school offered the possibilities to study abroad. I didn’t hesitate and I applied immediately. I’m really excited about this, because it’s something I really want to do and it would be really stupid to not take this opportunity. There are two thinks I always wanted to do. Study abroad and visit the United States. Now I can do this both, thanks to the Magellan exchange.

I’m applying for computer science because I’m now in my senior year of my bachelor, that is called: “applied informatics system and network management”. Also in my last 2 years of my high school I followed “Computer Management”. The last 5 years, I have been really busy with IT. I have had a lot of IT courses during these years to come to a conclusion. That the main things I’m interested in, are computer networking and network security. I’m aware that the United States is known for its IT and that’s one of the many reasons, I want to study in the US. I’m really looking forward to follow the courses and learn new stuff I never heard about.

I’m still undecided, what I’m going to do after my bachelor degree. The options are: applying for a job or going further for a master degree. I’m hoping that this experience will help me with my choices. What I'm sure is, that I want to work in the IT sector, especially in the network management.

Not only will this be really good for my education, also my English will get better. So by living and studying in the US I'll have a better chance of accomplishing this than anywhere else. There is nothing better to learn a language by speaking and hearing it every day.

This experience will certainly improve my IT skills and English. But beside educational also culturally is an aspect that will be very important. I will have the opportunity to explore a different kind of culture that I’m used to. And I will be very happy to do so. Because I like to explore new thinks. I want to know the real college life in America, meet new people, be open to a new culture and being surrounded by people from a different culture. This new adventure will be a really good lesson to me to become independent. I see this like a challenge, that I’m eager to do.

I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application.
Dear Danilo,

It's not perfect, but if I make any more corrections it will no longer be your letter but mine (and we don't want anyone accusing you of plaigerism, do we?).

Good luck with your application - I hope they accept you for the program.

John

Dear XXXXX (or Dear Sir/Madam)

My name is Danilo Porco, and I wish to apply for the Magellan exchange to study at a school in the United States.

When I first heard that my school offered the possibility of studying abroad, I didn’t hesitate and I decided to apply immediately. I’m very excited about this, because it’s something I really want to do and I would be incerdibly ill-advised not to take this opportunity. There are two things I have always wanted to do: study abroad and visit the United States. Now I can do both, thanks to the Magellan exchange.

I’m applying for computer science because I’m currently in my senior year of my bachelor program, which is called: “applied informatics system and network management”. Also, in my last 2 years of my high school I studied“Computer Management”. Overall, throughout the last 5 years, I have been very busy with IT. I have had several difficult and interesting IT courses during these years, and I have come to an important conclusion: the principal things I wish to develop in my career are computer networking and network security. I’m aware that the United States is known for its leadership in Internet Technoogy and that’s one of the many reasons, I want to study in the US. I’m really looking forward to taking new courses and learn new things I've never heard about.

I’m still undecided about what I’m going to do after my receive my bachelor's degree. The options appear to be: seek a job or continue my education and obtain a master's degree. I’m hoping that my experiences in the US will help me with this important decision. What I'm sure of is that I want to work in the IT sector, particularly in the network management.

Being part of the Magellan exchange will not only be an excellent opportunity to enhance good my education, it will also help to improve my knowledge of English. By living and studying in the US I'll have a better chance of accomplishing this than anywhere else. I have been told that there is no better way to learn a language than by speaking and hearing it every day.

The Magellan experience will certainly improve my IT skills and English, but it will also help me learn about American culture. I will have the opportunity to explore a different kind of culture that I’m used to. And I will be very happy to do so. Because I like to explore new things (not thinks!), I would very much like to experience real college life in America, meet new people, be open to a new culture of being surrounded by people from many different cultures. This new adventure will be a really good lesson for me to learn to become independent. This is a challenge that I am eager to take on.

Thank you in advance for considering my application and please do not hesitate to contact me if you should need additional information.
Thank you very much for correcting my motivation letter. But i'm not going to take every sentence you changed. Because it feels to much like plaigerism. I know my English writing is a bit off, but I hope it will improve over there.
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