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Hi.
Could someone please have a quick look at my motivational letter for a Master's Degree ?
I'm not sure about the language use as I'm not an native speaker.I only recently discovered that your wonderful forum exists so I'm quite near to the deadline, which actually is monday. But please don't feel pushed, If you don't find the time to look at it I have to arrange for someone else to give me advise.

This is my draft :
Dear ..,
I would like to apply for the Master's Program in Finance at the .....University of ....starting in September 2010. I received my first degree in ..... from ..... University of .... in 2008. I was the best student of the course among 33 people, and in college my academic performance was also at the top of the class. My studies had given me a solid foundation in three fields: economics, business, and finance. I was an active student at the university and was involved in many activities and student organizations. Since childhood, my interests had always been focused on the three paths: entrepreneurship, investments, and football.

My greatest motivation for applying is that I will be able to add to my entrepreneur experience is an excellent financial background which will help me become a more profitable ..... I am also motivated because I would be able to do my project about a ..... fund with the ..... associated firm in Hong-Kong, which will give me opportunity to plunge into the thriving Asian markets. In my point of view this fund type will offer to professional investors a competitive IRR. The right to study at such a unique place as .... with its high concentration of world leading businesses and financial institutions would provide me ample opportunities to create a fund which in 10 years after my graduation would join the top 100 of alternative investments funds in the world on stability, total assets under management and RAROC . My long-term goal is to become the top ..... manager in .....

For me, studying at the ..... successfully combines a balanced system of theoretical and practical acquisition of knowledge and skills with the professional and career development. Due to a small size of the class, there appears an opportunity for closer communication between the faculty and students. I will be able to learn how to interact within different cultures to improve my interpersonal skills. The key attractive characteristic of this program for me is the opportunity to get an understanding of the full spectrum of financial instruments and markets and specifics of investment management connected with them. Thanks to this, I would like to become a highly skilled, creative, open-minded professional with strong analytical skills, ready for highly competitive conditions of the fast-changing modern world.

With my academic background and relevant work experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I would appreciate if you'll give me the right to make the late admission to the program "Master in Finance" at the .....University of ...., according to section 8: graduate admission policy, requirements, and procedures of the ..... Academic Catalogue ..on the provisional basis. I will provide you with all the documents necessary for enrolment at the stated time and the results of the IELTS test with marks not lower than 7 by September 21, 2010.

I would be grateful if you give favourable consideration to my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
.........
Enclosure: résumé
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Comments  (Page 2) 
Hi Clive,
First of all great thanks for your comments and edits. I think honesty is the best policy. But I am shure that three month which I plan to spend in Oxford improving my English, could help me to become fluent in English (My target is IELTS 7 marks). In my point of view every human is unique ... so comparing \ assesment people is nothing. So I will be very disappointing "to lose" a year of study because of one bad letter.
According to this , could you tell me how I can "convert" my letter from Russian-style into typical English-style ?
Regards, petersoft.
Hi,

I understand your concern.

I spent three years in Oxford many years ago, and I know enough about the place to assure you that they will understand and accept that you are not a native speaker, and will send more time looking a what you have to say than how you say it. They will look for intelligence, maturity of mind and originality. It's up to you to decide if you have displayed those qualities in your letter to the best of your ability.

All the applicants will be clever people. Ask yourself, 'What can I say that will make me more succesful than the others?'

Personally, I don't find your letter particularly 'Russian'.

Clive
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hi.
Thank you for everyone who helped me.
Unfortunately, I was denied the right to "enter" at the University.
But it has been an intresting expirience for me.
Regards, petersoft.
petersoftHi.Thank you for everyone who helped me.Unfortunately, I was denied the right to "enter" at the University.But it has been an intresting expirience for me.Regards, petersoft.
Oh, I am truly sorry to hear that, petersoft. Hopefully, you'll get a better chance next time (something that's bigger than this one!). Emotion: nodding

p.s : "when one door closes, another opens..." (Alexander Graham Bell)

Regards,
[8].RedGuitar.[8]
Just a quick question - can anybody clarify what is the difference between motivation/motivational/cover/covering letter? Maybe it would be useful to know which ones are good for British English and which - for American English.
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Hi,

Just a quick question - can anybody clarify what is the difference between motivation/motivational/cover/covering letter? Maybe it would be useful to know which ones are good for British English and which - for American English.

motivation letter A letter that describes why you want to do something. This a common term.

motivational letter A letter that inspires you, that makes you want to do something! This is not the same as a motivation letter.

cover letter A letter that basically says 'Here is an attachment', eg Here is my application or resume. It often summarizes the main points. A common term.

covering letter Same as a cover letter, but slightly more elegant wording. Not as common as 'cover letter'.

As far as I know, these terms are common in both American and in British English.

Clive