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Hi.
Could someone please have a quick look at my motivational letter for a Master's Degree ?
I'm not sure about the language use as I'm not an native speaker.I only recently discovered that your wonderful forum exists so I'm quite near to the deadline, which actually is monday. But please don't feel pushed, If you don't find the time to look at it I have to arrange for someone else to give me advise.

This is my draft :
Dear ..,
I would like to apply for the Master's Program in Finance at the .....University of ....starting in September 2010. I received my first degree in ..... from ..... University of .... in 2008. I was the best student of the course among 33 people, and in college my academic performance was also at the top of the class. My studies had given me a solid foundation in three fields: economics, business, and finance. I was an active student at the university and was involved in many activities and student organizations. Since childhood, my interests had always been focused on the three paths: entrepreneurship, investments, and football.

My greatest motivation for applying is that I will be able to add to my entrepreneur experience is an excellent financial background which will help me become a more profitable ..... I am also motivated because I would be able to do my project about a ..... fund with the ..... associated firm in Hong-Kong, which will give me opportunity to plunge into the thriving Asian markets. In my point of view this fund type will offer to professional investors a competitive IRR. The right to study at such a unique place as .... with its high concentration of world leading businesses and financial institutions would provide me ample opportunities to create a fund which in 10 years after my graduation would join the top 100 of alternative investments funds in the world on stability, total assets under management and RAROC . My long-term goal is to become the top ..... manager in .....

For me, studying at the ..... successfully combines a balanced system of theoretical and practical acquisition of knowledge and skills with the professional and career development. Due to a small size of the class, there appears an opportunity for closer communication between the faculty and students. I will be able to learn how to interact within different cultures to improve my interpersonal skills. The key attractive characteristic of this program for me is the opportunity to get an understanding of the full spectrum of financial instruments and markets and specifics of investment management connected with them. Thanks to this, I would like to become a highly skilled, creative, open-minded professional with strong analytical skills, ready for highly competitive conditions of the fast-changing modern world.

With my academic background and relevant work experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I would appreciate if you'll give me the right to make the late admission to the program "Master in Finance" at the .....University of ...., according to section 8: graduate admission policy, requirements, and procedures of the ..... Academic Catalogue ..on the provisional basis. I will provide you with all the documents necessary for enrolment at the stated time and the results of the IELTS test with marks not lower than 7 by September 21, 2010.

I would be grateful if you give favourable consideration to my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
.........
Enclosure: résumé
1 2
Comments  
Please help me.
Any help ?
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hello,

Petersoft, check this out: http://hubpages.com/hub/Motivation-letter-for-master-application . Try to compare your draft with that sample letter (at that site). Hopefully, it could give you some ideas in writing a better letter.

and all the best for your application! cheers. Emotion: smile

Regards,
[8].RedGuitar.[8]
Hi. Thank you very much, Red_Guitar.
Does my draft are understandable (readable) for english native people? What is your opinion ?
Best regards,petersoft.
Hello,

You're most welcome, Petersoft. I am not a native English speaker, so, i couldn't really answer your question. Anyways, from quickly reading your draft, i have made some changes for the introduction.
petersoftI would like to apply for the Master's Program in Finance at the ..University of ..starting in September 2010. I received my first degree in .. from .. University of .. in 2008. I was the best student of the course among 33 people, and in college my academic performance was also at the top of the class. My studies had given me a solid foundation in three fields: economics, business, and finance. I was an active student at the university and was had involved in many activities and student organizations. Since childhood, my interests had have always been focused focusing on the three paths: entrepreneurship, investments, and football.
but, if you asked me, here is my humble suggestion for the introduction:
I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Master's Degree Programme in Finance at the University of.... starting in September 2010. I have received my first degree in ...from the University of.. in 2008. Gladly to say, i was the best student for my previous course and my academic performance had always been on top of class. Furthermore, i was also an active student and had participated in many extra-curricular activities (including student organizations and others). And since childhood, my interests have always been focusing on entrepreneurship, investments and football.

p.s 1: as i am not an English teacher, my corrections might be wrong too! (but, hopefully, it could give you some ideas) Emotion: embarrassed

p.s 2 : honestly, i have been trying to correct your other paragraphs, but unfortunately, i am not so sure how to do that. i am truly sorry, petersoft. let's hope that other contributors would help you. (before Monday, i hope so). Emotion: nodding

Regards,
[8].RedGuitar.[8]
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Dear RedGuitar, thank you very much again.
I have not enough words to express my gratitude to you!

My written English is quite poor so I am afraid that there are many grammatical and stylistic mistakes. Moreover, I worry whether my contents are strong enough to have the attention of the university. [Maybe this letter is very strong in Russian style: (] So I am still hoping to get to have a look from english-native.

Best regards, petersoft
Hi,

Since I assume this program will be in English it seems to me it is in your best interests to show the University your own current level of English ability. I hope you agree.

I'll look through this and just offer a few comments and edits. i hope that will be of help to you.

Could someone please have a quick look at my motivational letter for a Master's Degree ?

I'm not sure about the language use as I'm not an native speaker.I only recently discovered that your wonderful forum exists so I'm quite near to the deadline, which actually is monday. But please don't feel pushed, If you don't find the time to look at it I have to arrange for someone else to give me advise.

This is my draft :

Dear ..,

I would like to apply for the Master's Program in Finance at the ..University of ..starting in September 2010. I received my first degree in .. from .. the University of .. in 2008. I was the best student of the course among 33 people, and in high-school ? college my academic performance was also at the top of the class. My studies had given me a solid foundation in three fields: economics, business, and finance. I was an active student at the university and was involved in many activities and student organizations. Since childhood, my interests had always been focused on the three paths: entrepreneurship, investments, and football.Emotion: smile

My greatest motivation for applying is that I will be able to add to my entrepreneur experience is an excellent financial background which will help me become a more profitable .. Say this another way. YOuwant to do the program so that you cam make a lot of money?I am also motivated because I would be able to do my project about a .. fund with the .. associated firm in Hong-Kong, which will give me opportunity to plunge into the thriving Asian markets. From my point of view this fund type will offer to professional investors a competitive IRR. The right to study at such a unique place as .. with its high concentration of world leading businesses and financial institutions would provide me ample opportunities to create a fund which in 10 years after my graduation would join the top 100 of alternative investments funds in the world in stability, total assets under management and RAROC . My long-term goal is to become the top .. manager in ..

For me, studying at the .. will successfully combine a balanced system of theoretical and practical acquisition of knowledge and skills with the professional and career development. Due to the small size of the classes, there appears an opportunity for closer communication between the faculty and students. I will be able to learn how to interact within different cultures to improve my interpersonal skills. The key attractive characteristic of this program for me is the opportunity to get an understanding of the full spectrum of financial instruments and markets and specifics of investment management connected with them. Thanks to this, I would like to become a highly skilled, creative, open-minded professional with strong analytical skills, ready for the highly competitive conditions of the fast-changing modern world.

With my academic background and relevant work experience, I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this program. I would appreciate it if you'll give me the right to make the late admission to the program "Master in Finance" at the ..University of .., according to section 8: graduate admission policy, requirements, and procedures of the .. Academic Catalogue ..on the provisional basis. I will provide you with all the documents necessary for enrolment at the stated time and the results of the IELTS test with marks not lower than 7 by September 21, 2010.

I would be grateful if you give favourable consideration to my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
..
Enclosure: résumé

Good luck with this,

Clive
petersoftDear RedGuitar, thank you very much again.I have not enough words to express my gratitude to you!My written English is quite poor so I am afraid that there are many grammatical and stylistic mistakes. Moreover, I worry whether my contents are strong enough to have the attention of the university. [Maybe this letter is very strong in Russian style: (] So I am still hoping to get to have a look from english-native.Best regards, petersoft
Hello again Petersoft,

Please, don't thank me, i didn't do anything. (i only shared a few ideas for the introduction). But hey, look! Clive had just corrected your draft! Emotion: stick out tongue

So, i guess, there's nothing more for me to say. All the best for your application!(truly hope that you'll make it). cheers. Emotion: rock

Regards,
[8].RedGuitar.[8]
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