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I am a female Iranian student. I love science, and I think that nothing is interesting than seeing the results of my efforts and knowledge in the real world. I always want to explore the details scientifically and appreciate the function, rather than form. In my opinion, we all are living in a global village where saving and improving peoples' life can play an important role to fulfill other aspects of life. The COVID-19 outbreak in 2020 is showing the power of science over everything, and it intensifies my passion for following my academic research more than ever. But my journey in this way started by when a friend of mine lost her father. I saw her pain and suffering, and I have started thinking about finding a way to be a part of this effort to improve peoples' life. I was always enthusiastic about rational relationships between what is happening around me and what is I can learn from theoretical lessons. To understand these relationships, I could not find anything except neuroscience and cognitive science. Modeling and understanding the human body by mathematical formula and expressions resulted in me pursuing my academic goals in this way.

There were a lot of challenges in this way, including participating in the National University's Entrance Exam and gaining admission to a good university. I can recall those uncomfortable moments which were full of stresses and pressures. But besides my interests and dreams, which always function as a forward force to tackle these difficulties, my supportive family plays an important role both financially and emotionally. Allowing me to participate in various social activates and making my decisions lead to me being an independent person. I think that this personality trait is an important feature of my character, which allows me to be brave enough to follow my dreams abroad.

Through my experience as a student, I have developed as a person and learned many crucial life skills that will be invaluable to me in the future. I gained a broader perspective of the team-group techniques and research skills needed to reconstruct a plan to reach the final goal. I have also gained essential skills in analysis, synthesis, and crucially improved my confidence in my abilities when I participated in an R&D project under the supervision of Dr. Mohammadi.

I think that it is worth mentioning that I started joining in a Dental Implant Factory. In addition to becoming financially independent, learning a new programming language and involving in team-work activities give me not only self-confidence but also precious lessons. I understood that I have this ability to learn the required material for different tasks in a short time and what's more, are the ability to adapt to different situations and various people.

All my experiences to date have made me feel that I am now ready to study at the University. I have a proven ability to do research, time management, taking responsibility, adapting to new environments and conditions, and my mind is open to learning new things. To become a good student, you need a genuine passion for the subject and must also find it exciting and enjoyable. I am happy to say that I possess all of these emotions when I am working on my projects. I also want to say that I was also highly impressed by your highly regarded and enthusiastic professors who seem to specialize in cognitive science.

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Your letter (I assume it is a motivation letter, but you didn't give us this information.) needs a lot of work.

Make an outline first, so you have the main points of each paragraph, and the paragraphs organized in a logically coherent sequence instead of rambling. You also need to avoid vague generalities, and give concrete, specific examples. There are also grammatical errors (See comments and highlighted text.)


I am a female Iranian student. They will probably have that information already.

I love science, and I think that nothing is more interesting than seeing the results of my efforts (What efforts are you talking about?) and knowledge in the real world. ("results of my knowledge" does not make sense. It is the results of applying your knowledge in some experiment, right?) I always want to explore the details (I don't understand. Do you mean "I am a detail-oriented" person?) scientifically and appreciate the function, rather than the form. (That does not make much sense here. You are writing in such lofty generalities, that the reader finds it difficult to fathom what you are trying to say.) In my opinion, we all are living in a global village where saving and improving peoples' life can play an important role to fulfill other aspects of life. (That does not make much sense.) The rapid development of vaccines and treatments for COVID-19 outbreak in 2020 is showing the power of science (The outbreak was not caused by a mishap in a science lab. That is an unfounded rumor.) over everything, and it intensifies my passion for following continuing my academic research more than ever. But my journey in this way started by when a friend of mine lost her father. (Your paragraph has lost focus. It is quite incoherent. Each paragraph in academic writing must have one main point. The body elaborates it. I cannot figure out what the point of your first paragraph is. ) I saw her pain and suffering, and I have started thinking about finding a way to be a part of this effort to improve peoples' life. I was always enthusiastic about rational relationships between what is happening around me and what is I can learn from theoretical studies lessons. To understand these relationships, I could not find anything except turned to the study of the brain: neuroscience and cognitive science. Modeling and understanding the human body (Don't you mean the nervous system? ) by mathematical formula and expressions resulted in me pursuing my academic goals in this way.

There were a lot of challenges in this way, including participating in the National University's Entrance Exam and gaining admission to a good university. I can recall those uncomfortable moments which were full of stresses and pressures. But besides my interests and dreams, which always function as a forward force to tackle these difficulties, my supportive family plays an important role both financially and emotionally. Allowing me to participate in various social activates and making my decisions lead to me my being an independent person. I think that this personality trait is an important feature of my character, which allows me to be brave enough to follow my dreams abroad.

Through my experience as a student, I have developed as a person and learned many crucial life skills that will be invaluable to me in the future. I gained a broader perspective of the power of teamwork team-group techniques and research skills needed to reconstruct (This means a second or third try.) a plan to reach the final goal. I have also gained essential skills in analysis, synthesis, (ungrammatical) and crucially improved my confidence in my abilities when I participated in an R&D project under the supervision of Dr. Mohammadi.

I think that it is worth mentioning that I started joining in (You are not yet hired by this company?) a Dental Implant Factory. In addition to becoming financially independent, learning a new programming language and involving in team-work activities give me not only self-confidence but also precious lessons. (??) I understood that I have the this ability to learn how to accomplish the required material for different tasks in a short time and what's more, are the ability to adapt to different situations and various people.

All my experiences to date have made me feel that I am now ready to study at a the U university. (I thought you had already gained admittance to the university. You wrote that earlier.) I have a proven ability to do research, time management, taking responsibility, adapting to new environments and conditions, (This is not grammatical. You need parallel structures. "ability to time management" does not parse.) and my mind is open to learning new things. To become a good student, you need one needs a genuine passion for the subject and must also find it exciting and enjoyable. I am happy to say that I possess all of these emotions when I am working on my projects. I also want to say that I was also highly impressed by your highly regarded and enthusiastic professors who seem to (It is only an appearance, and not actual? ) specialize in cognitive science.

I correct it, may I ask you consider it again:


"The brain is like a garden and the mind is like a seed, on one hand flowers can grow and on the other hand weeds can grow." This was an Iranian thought provoking proverb that I understand each stage of my life more.

I love science, and I think that nothing is more interesting than seeing the results of applying my research and knowledge in real world applications. The rapid development of vaccines and treatments for COVID-19 outbreak in 2020 is showing the power of science, and it intensifies my passion for continuing my academic research. But my journey in this way started when a friend of mine lost her father. I saw her pain and suffering, and I have started thinking about finding a way to be a part of this effort to improve people life. I was always enthusiastic about relationships between what is happening around me and what is I can learn from theoretical studies. To understand these relationships, turned to the study of the brain: neuroscience and cognitive science. Modeling and understanding the nervous system by mathematical formulas and expressions resulted in me pursuing my academic goals in this way.

There were a lot of challenges in this way, including participating in the National University's Entrance Exam and gaining admission to a good university. I can recall those uncomfortable moments which were full of stresses and pressures. But besides my interests and dreams, which always function as a forward force to tackle these difficulties, my supportive family plays an important role both financially and emotionally. Allowing me to participate in various social activates and making my decisions lead to my being an independent person. I think that this personality trait is an important feature of my character, which allows me to be brave enough to follow my dreams abroad.

Through my experience as a student, I have developed as a person and learned many crucial life skills that will be invaluable to me in the future. I gained a broader perspective of the power of teamwork and research skills needed to construct a plan to reach the final goal when I participated in an R&D project under the supervision of Dr. Mohammadi.

I think that it is worth mentioning that my participation in a Dental Implant Factory was also a turning point in forming my personality. In addition to becoming financially independent, learning a new programming language and involving in team-work activities were among the merits of this job. I understood that I have the ability to learn how to accomplish different tasks in a short time and what's more, the ability to adapt to different situations and various people.

All my experiences to date have made me feel that I am now ready to study at the University of California, Irvine. I have a proven ability to do research, take responsibility, adapt to new environments and conditions, and my mind is open to learning new things. To become a good student, one needs a genuine passion for the subject and must also find it exciting and enjoyable. I am happy to say that I possess all of these emotions when I am working on my projects. I also want to say that I was also highly impressed by your highly regarded and enthusiastic professors who are specialize in cognitive science.

"The brain is like a garden and the mind is like a seed, on one hand flowers can grow and on the other hand weeds can grow." This was an Iranian thought provoking proverb that I understand each stage of my life more.


I don't understand how this is relevant. How can one seed produce both flowers and weeds? Are the weeds irrational, confused, or false thinking? Are flowers delusions of grandeur?


I love science, and I think that nothing is more interesting than seeing the results of applying my research and knowledge in real world applications. The rapid development of vaccines and treatments for COVID-19 outbreak in 2020 is showing the power of science, and it intensifies my passion for continuing my academic research. But my journey in this way started when a friend of mine lost her father. I saw her pain and suffering, and I have started thinking about finding a way to be a part of this effort to improve people life. (ungrammatical - people must be the irregular possessive, and there is more than one life, isn't there?) I was always enthusiastic about relationships between what is happening around me and what is I can learn from theoretical studies. To understand these relationships, turned (Where is the subject for this verb?) to the study of the brain: neuroscience and cognitive science. Modeling and understanding the nervous system by mathematical formulas and expressions resulted in me my pursuing my academic goals in this way.

There were a lot of challenges in this way, (This iis the third time you have used this phrase, without a clear definition of what "this" way is. ) including participating scoring high in the National University's Entrance Exam and gaining admission to a good university. I can recall those uncomfortable moments which were full of stresses and pressures. But besides my interests and dreams, which always function as a forward force to tackle these difficulties, my supportive family plays an important role both financially and emotionally. Allowing me to participate in various social activates (Activate is a verb. It may be useful in your field of study. ) and making my decisions lead to my being an independent person. I think that this personality trait is an important feature of my character; it , which allows me to be brave enough to follow my dreams abroad.

Through my experience as a student, I have developed as a person and learned many crucial life skills that will be invaluable to me in the future. I gained a broader perspective of the power of teamwork and the research skills needed to construct a plan to reach the final goal when I participated in an R&D project under the supervision of Dr. Mohammadi. (What was this project, what was your role, and what were the goals?)

I think that it is worth mentioning that my employment participation in a Dental Implant Factory was also a turning point in forming my personality. In addition to becoming financially independent, learning a new programming language and involving (ungrammatical) in team-work activities were among the merits (wrong usage) benefits of this job. I understood that I have the ability to learn how to accomplish different tasks in a short time and what's more, the ability to adapt to different situations and various people.

All my experiences to date have made me feel confident that I am now ready to study at the University of California, Irvine. I have a proven ability to do research, take responsibility, and adapt to new environments and conditions, and my mind is open to learning new things. To become a good student, one needs a genuine passion for the subject and must also find it exciting and enjoyable. I am happy to say that I possess all of these emotions when I am working on my projects. I also want to say that I was (past tense?) also highly impressed by your highly regarded and enthusiastic professors who are specialize in cognitive science.

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Thank you so much for helping me.