Hi Teachers,

Please give your feedback on the following essay.

Thanks,

SRI

MY FIRST BIKE

I used to beg geared bikes from my friends. So I have experience in verity of vehicles from RX 100 to Machismo, though I am not a well versed rider.

After fed up with begging I planned to by a won bike, I did some research by reading articles in net and short listed Super Splendor. Then I decided to have quotation and test drive. I went to Hero Honda show room; unfortunately it was closed that day. But TVS show room which was just opposite was open. I planned to have a visit there, in order to not waste my trip. TVS Star City was the hot cake there, all were talking about that and lot of demos and test rides. I too had a test ride. It impressed me lot, look and comfort, only these two we can decide immediately in any vehicle. We can say anything about mileage and performance until we use the vehicle for quite some time.

When I was returning to my home after the test drive, I started watch all the vehicles. I could see some Star City’s. It was looking good for me. I went to net to have some articles on Star City. The reviews were impressive. Then I checked available colours, Black, Red, Violet and Greenish Gray. Black was looking good in the photo. I decided my mind to buy Star City.

The next day I went to see Super Splendor, still I had good opinion on it. Fortunately it was open on that day. I saw the SS in show room, and asked about its features. The sales executive said, it’s 125 CC and nothing special from Splendor +. I pressed him, and then he said there is a Pass Lamp switch, which will be handy while over taking in day. I asked for test drive but he said there was no test drive. This completely shifted my mind to Star City.

The next day I went to TVS show room to purchase TVS Star City. I had good reception and allowed to select the vehicle. Greenish Gray attracted me now, though I had an idea about Black after seen the photo in net. I selected the colour. The mechanic came and selected the vehicle in that colour. He started three vehicles and placed his ear near the engine and pointed out one vehicle. With out knowing anything I just purchased that one. Then the sales guy told I can get the delivery in the same evening after the registration.

I went to my home and I was just watching our wall clock. It was 5 o’clock. I prepared to go to the show room. The climate was very chill, though it’s a peek summer season. I went to the show room by bus. As soon as I got down from the bus, it was raining heavily. I could not even reach show room, though it is only 100 mts away. Finally it got reduced, I entered the show room. I was greeted by the sales guy and got the key. I was happy to see my bike. I took it and kicked it, but it did not get started after 3-4 kicks. One of the mechanic came for help and he just laughed after pointing out the ignition. It was off. With total embarrassment I thanked him and switch it on. Now it started in first kick. The road was full of water and muddy. But it was thrilling to ride own new vehicle. I did not bother about the road. When I reach my home I saw the rim some other parts are muddy. Though it irritated me, on before the first ride thrill that is nothing.
Well,

I'm not a teacher but your essay is very good.

There are some errors.Like:

When I reach my home.....- It should be "When I reached home..." or "When I arrived home..."

After fed up with begging I planned to by a won bike- What do you mean by 'won bike'?

TVS Star City is really a good bike--now Dhoni appearing in it's ads. Dhoni is of my town-Ranchi. He used to live in my neighbourhood...!

Regards,

Ankur...forever...
Thanks for your feedback Ankur..
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
The essay was too good. Yes the TVS Star City bike look and feel is excellent and performance too...........

thanks

satish