"In the Maid of the mist we travelled,
To the midst of the misty famed falls,
With fog smothering the surroundings,
Froth rubbing the Maid’s edges.
There I see a bird in the hustle and bustle of the Mist,
Gliding without a care in the world,
Touched and swirled by the gushing wind of water,
“O’God what a creation” exclaimed I,
O Mother Nature unfolding the beauty in you,
You make us happy,
Destroying your splendor, we repay you !!!”

Waiting for raves and rants !!! Brickbats !! Tomatoes..and whatever !!!

MyPrecious
Ah, my Preciousss, we misssses it, we doezzz....

Not bad for a first try, MP. Now, please tell me a couple of things:

(1) Why do you have a mist in this poem? How can a mist hustle or bustle? How could a bird caught in a mist not be worried about its orientation?

(2) What is your metric scheme?
Welcome, Precious, and congratulations on your first post and your first poem. I had a sense of isolation in the mist, with a sudden surprise at the bird rising, and a recognition of man's smallness in the splendour of the world.
Why do you have a mist in this poem?


I think MM may have had a bad night; Emotion: smile you have mist in the poem because you are travelling towards Niagra Falls, yes? He is right, though, that mist doesn't "hustle and bustle".

I am certainly no poet (as we are about to see) and in terms of your metric scheme, I think you should describe this as "free verse". The problem is that your first two lines follow a particular form of rhyming scheme, and then you go into free verse.

It is very tempting to try to embellish verse with overly romantic notions, and poetic expressions such as "exclaimed I", but your verse doesn't need this embellishment.

Maybe you should avoid naming the boat in the body of the poem, and entitle it "The Maid of the Mist"

OK - I'm going to have a bash at converting it into free verse, trying to retain your sentiment and your words - just wait for the brickbats and tomatoes to come lobbing over!

The Maid of the Mist.

Swathed in mist,
She carries us to the crashing falls.
Isolated from the fog-smothered land
She feels only the soft caress of the foam.
A bird rises;
Caught in the turmoil,
Touched and swirled by the wind of water.
Nature's beauty unfolds;
God, what creation.
In return we offer our gift;
Destruction.
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P.S. MM hatesemoticons, so I expect he's popped out to order a whole truck full of tomatoes to lob at me! Emotion: wink
Hello Abbie and MM,

Appreciate your comments. Well Abbie you got it right. I have been to Niagara during Memorial Day long weekend and was overwhelmed by the beauty of that place. I am no poet but wanted to bring out the emotions in me through some words. Agreed that my vocab is not even 0.1% but as everybody I want to improve !!!

Thank you once again,

MyPrecious.
There I see a bird in the hustle and bustle of the Mist.


I'd be inclined to disagree with MM and Abbie. I quite like the h&b in this line. It's nicely ambiguous.

MrP
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