It's more of an recount of what I had went through during my graduation day yesterday. I wrote it into an essay as a practice for myself as well as to record this memorable event.
I hope to get critiques and hope experts here could help me to edit my essay if there are any structuring awkwardness in my sentences and other mistakes.
Thanks...Emotion: smile

The thousands of applauses from the students rocked the hall when the guest of honour entered. Everyone was so excited about who the guest was. When he had reached his seat, we rose and sang the Buddhist Hymn – our school is a buddhist school. After the hymn, the host invited the principal to give the graduating pupils her speech and the guest after her. Although the first speech was quite dry, the second was pretty interesting. He talked about the teachings of Buddhism and it made a lot of sense.

Another round of applauses thundered across hall after the speeches while students from each class lined up along the corridor. Many waited eagerly for their turn to go onto the stage to receive their souvenirs – a video of the school in a CD - from their form teacher. When it was our turn, we were all very happy. I am the class monitor and I had to assist the teacher to make sure the souvenirs were given out to the correct pupil. I was the last one to receive the souvenir from my form teacher, Ms Tay. According to the organisers of this event, class monitors were to present a bouquet to their class form teacher. I held the bouquet with both my hands and transferred it to hers. We shook hand and hugged slightly. I was quite shy at that time because it was the first time I am hugging a female other than my mum. The class arranged themselves on the stage and shouted, “We love you, Miss Tay!” before everyone went back to our seats. I was not aware that our classmates intended to do this because other classes did not do this to their teacher. I was bewildered for a second but was glad that we were special.

Soon when all the souvenirs and awards – for the prefects of our school – were given out, our school’s chairman, Venerable Ming Yi, gave everyone in the hall a blessing for our coming O’Level examination. He invited another venerable, whom he said was a student our school some years ago, to come onto the stage to give the blessings together. We rose and put our hands together and chanted along with the venerables. I did not understand the chant. But all I knew was this chant is going to bless me in my O’Level examination, which is going to commence in two weeks time.

After the blessing ceremony, the white projector screen scrolled down from the ceiling of the stage. The projector then flashed a video on it. The video recalled many memories of many of us – from the day we had our orientation till today. During the last part of the clip, I was astonished to see my face on the screen! My friends and I laughed. I felt a little shy when I heard laughter from other classes. “Were they laughing at my silly look?” I wondered.

The finale of the whole ceremony was the singing of the school song. We all knew this would be the last time we were going to sing the song. It was the first time I heard our pupils all singing the school song aloud with gusto. I suddenly sensed the pride and began to follow. We were directed to the canteen for some refreshments after that.

However, I did not go directly for the refreshments, so were my friends. We went up to the classroom and had photograph-takings with our friends. We borrowed coats from our friends who were prefects to smarten ourselves in the photographs. My friend and I posed the way we had seen Hitler saluted in our history textbooks. Although I am not a fan of Hitler nor am I a believer of Nazism, I posed him because I admired his eloquence. We shot a few of these photographs with the salutes and all.

We only went for our refreshments after taking enough photographs to keep our memories of the last day in our school. We had some photograph-takings in the canteen too. I ate a few tim-sum like the fried-spring-rolls and others. They tasted succulent and sweet. I did not eat much because one of my friends told us that we could take photographs with our principal, who was also serving her last year in the school. We took a group picture with her. Some of my friends took single photographs with her. I regretted for not taking that.

I went back to the canteen and chatted with some of my friends who were there. We talked about our memories and our coming examination. That somewhat aroused my sense of nostalgia although I was happy that I finally graduated. But the feeling was not very strong yet. The chat did not last long. I took a last glance around the canteen before we went to the bus stop together. We went separate ways after that. Two of my friends went for their gaming. I took a bus home.

Along the way back home was the time when I felt ‘funny’. The feeling was so special that no words could describe it. It felt as if it was infused with many other kinds of feelings. The feeling was stronger when I had reached home. I knew I am lying to myself if I told myself I did not miss the school and my friends. Today’s event left me feeling poignant.

The days what I once hated most – schooling days – had finally over. The big day, which is the coming O’Level examination, is coming soon. I am sure many of us prayed that we will do well in our examination so that we can have a break during the December without worries. Perhaps that would be the time we gather our friends together again. However, I am sure that we would definitely not able to feel what we once felt together in the classroom during the past five years.
(985 words)
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c'mon somebody please help me to proofread. I need to know if I have mistakes in my writting.
thanks a million...
Hi,

You write well. Here are my quick comments.

MountainHiker



The THUNDEROUS applause from the students rocked the hall when the guest of honour entered. Everyone was so excited about OUR guest. When he had reached his seat, we rose and sang the Buddhist Hymn – our school is a Buddhist school. After the hymn, the host invited the principal to give the graduating pupils her speech and the guest after her. Although the first speech was quite dry, the second was VERY interesting. He talked about the teachings of Buddhism [and it made a lot of sense.—delete]

Another round of applause thundered across hall after the speeches while students from each class lined up along the corridor. Many waited eagerly for their turn to go onto the stage to receive their souvenirs – a video of the school in a CD - from their form teacher. When it was our turn, we were all very happy. I am the class monitor and I had to assist the teacher to make sure the souvenirs were given out to the correct pupil. I was the last one to receive the souvenir from my form teacher, Ms Tay. According to the organisers of this event, class monitors were to present a bouquet to their class FROM THE teacher. [From the class to the teacher, or from the teacher to the class?] I held the bouquet with both my hands and transferred it to hers. We shook hand and hugged slightly. I was quite shy at that time because it was the first time I am hugging a female other than my mum. The class arranged themselves on the stage and shouted, “We love you, Miss Tay!” before everyone went back to our seats. I was not aware that our classmates intended to do this because other classes did not do this to their teacher. I was bewildered for a second but was glad that we were special.

Soon when all the souvenirs and awards – for the prefects of our school – were given out, our school’s chairman, Venerable Ming Yi, gave everyone in the hall a blessing for our coming O’Level examination. He invited another venerable [??—don’t know what venerable is, if it is church related, capital V??], whom he said was a student our school some years ago, to come onto the stage to give the blessings together. We rose and put our hands together and chanted along with the venerables [same comment]. I did not understand the chant. But all I knew was this chant is going to bless me in my O’Level examination, which is going to commence in two weeks time.

After the blessing ceremony, the white projector screen scrolled down from the ceiling of the stage. The projector then flashed a video on it. The video recalled many memories of many of us – from the day we had our orientation till today. During the last part of the clip, I was astonished to see my face on the screen! My friends and I laughed. I felt a little shy when I heard laughter from other classes. “Were they laughing at my silly look?” I wondered.

The finale of the whole ceremony was the singing of the school song. We all knew this would be the last time we were going to sing the song. It was the first time I heard our pupils all singing the school song aloud with gusto. I suddenly sensed the pride and began to follow. We were directed to the canteen for some refreshments after that.

However, I did not go directly for the refreshments, so were my friends.[Something in the prior sentence doesn’t make sense.] We went up to the classroom and had photograph-tak[EN] with our friends. We borrowed coats from our friends who were prefects to smarten ourselves [FOR} the photographs. My friend and I posed the way we had seen Hitler saluted in our history textbooks. Although I am not a fan of Hitler nor am I a believer of Nazism, I posed him because I admired his eloquence. We shot a few of these photographs with the salutes and all.

We only went for our refreshments after taking enough photographs to keep our memories of the last day in our school. [SOME PHOTOGRAPHS WERE TAKEN] in the canteen too. I ate a few tim-sum like the fried-spring-rolls and others. They tasted succulent and sweet. I did not eat much because one of my friends told us that we could take photographs with our principal, who was also serving her last year in the school. We took a group picture with her. Some of my friends took single photographs with her. [UNFORTUNATELY, I DIDN’T HAVE A SINGLE PHOTOGRAPH WITH HER.] I regretted for not taking that [sounds awkward].

I went back to the canteen and chatted with some of my friends who were there. We talked about our memories and our coming examination. That somewhat aroused my sense of nostalgia although I was happy that I finally graduated. But the feeling was not very strong yet. The chat did not last long. I took a last glance around the canteen before we went to the bus stop together. We went separate ways after that. Two of my friends went for their gaming[not sure what is meant]. I took a bus home.

Along the way back home was the time when I felt ‘funny’. The feeling was so special that no words could describe it. It felt as if it was infused with many other kinds of feelings. The feeling was stronger when I had reached home. I knew I am lying to myself if I told myself I did not miss the school and my friends. Today’s event left me feeling poignant. [last sentence sounds a bit odd to me.]

The days what I once hated most – schooling days – [ARE] finally over. The big day, which is the coming O’Level examination, is coming soon. I am sure many of us prayed that we will do well in our examination so that we can have a break during the December without worries. Perhaps that would be the time we gather our friends together again. However, I am sure that we would definitely not able to feel what we once felt together in the classroom during the past five years.
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oh...thanks for editing my whole essay. it must had taken you quite some time.
looks like i have problems with my prepositions...
thanks for that. i really appreciated it.
look back, it's the best beautiful memory in our life
I've no idea how long ago you posted this, because I can't see any dates on messages, but here's a quick comment in case it's still of any use. The phrase "whom he said was ..." is wrong. It should be "who" rather than "whom", because it is the subject of "was", not the object of "he said".
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
oh its nice to read your essay and it is very interesting to read i think that the people that will read this will be inspired too because you are a good essay writer and this is all my reply to you thankyou Emotion: stick out tongueEmotion: starEmotion: embarrassed
xEnOn c'mon somebody please help me to proofread. I need to know if I have mistakes in my writting.thanks a million...
the writting is wrong it must be writing
its beatifully written
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